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Thread: Last Name Dilemma
August 19th, 2013 08:29 AM #1
Last Name Dilemma
My boyfriend and I aren't close to marriage, but we have discussed it. And with that comes the last name discussion. He assumed that I would take his last name. I never liked the idea of giving up my last name for someone else's, and the fact that I really don't like his doesn't help either. I told him this, and he got kind of defensive, saying he would never consider changing his to mine and that the kids would definitely be getting his if I refused to take it. I suggested combining ours and he said "maybe" and I let it go because I didn't want to get into anything. But it's really been bothering me ever since. I don't like his, he doesn't like mine. We discussed hyphenating but both of ours are 8+ letters and 3 syllables, so that would be quite a mouthful. If I keep mine, I'll have a different surname than my kids, and I don't like that either. I don't want to bring it up with him again because it did really upset him (and me). I always thought it would be a more minor thing, but apparently it's more complicated than I expected. Did anyone else have this problem?? What did you do??
August 19th, 2013 09:42 AM #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
I wish I had an easy solution for you, but I don't. I'm currently engaged and our conversation about last names was eerily similar to the conversation you described, so you're not alone in the struggle.
The only potential solutions I can suggest are:
1) I know a family where girls got mom's surname and boys got dad's
2) if he doesn't want to hyphenate you still can (be Mr. Jones and Mrs. Smith-Jones)
3) You can move your maiden name to a second middle name
4) You can give all your children one of your surnames and the other surname as a middle name
5) As you said you an combine names or pick a new name either out of your family trees or just something meaningful
I hope this helps. It helped me to think through my various options.
August 19th, 2013 10:59 AM #5
Thank you for your suggestions
August 19th, 2013 02:57 PM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Midwest, US
My married last name sounds AWFUL with my first name (both fn and ln end in the -nee sound and together they slur or sound a bit like a sneeze). I still took it because it's important to me to have my whole family have the same name. I break it up with my middle name often. You could give future kids 2 middle names and just make the second one your maiden name.Mom to Sylvia Caron and Linus Roman