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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    732
    I'm in a hurry, so i may be echoing what was already said. Nannying and studying child psychology has given me my own reaction in these situations: an immediate time-out. No yelling, no spanking, no lecture. Just a calm, consistent, immediate "We don't throw things/hit people/kick our toys into our sister's face. You're on time-out." Time-out is generally 2 minutes for the 2-year old, 4 minutes for the 4-year old, but can vary depending on severity of the crime. And then after the time-out we talk at their age level about why we shouldn't do whatever it was they did, what the consequences are, and how it could make others feel.

    It isn't a perfect method; sometimes it is exhausting and they'll be on like 15 time-outs a day and seem like they aren't learning anything at all. But in general it works really well for my kids.

    There's also the "make the punishment fit the crime" thing for stuff that needs to be addressed that a time-out won't really work for. Like the two-year old I watch really hates using the potty for #2, so she goes in her underwear. And the first few times we addressed it as an accident, but it soon became apparent it was intentionally avoiding the potty. So now if she goes in her undies she has to help with laundry as her punishment.
    I hope to be a mom one day. For now I enjoy being a name lover.

    My apologies for any typos; i post from my mobile phone.

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    491
    A good suggestion is, whenever possible, tell her what TO do and not what not to do.

    Instead of "no hitting", say "please be gentle" or instead of "NO throwing your cup" say "we drink out of our cup, we don't throw it".

    And guess what? If you sent her to daycare once a week and she hits another child or cries....so have half the other kids at one point or another. If it's a good program, the teachers or caretakers will be experienced and know how to handle it. She is a little young for any preschool type program though, and something like a play group or moms group with similarly ages children might be better than dropping her off at a day care just for the social aspect.
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

  3. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    207
    I plan to use the supernanny timeout method.

    1: issue a warning, in a firm tone, on their level, with eye contact: "Be nice to mommy. Hitting mommy is not nice. If you do that again, you will be in timeout." This give them the opportunity to make a decision.

    2: if it happens again, take them directly to timeout space. Set them down, and explain again why they are there. "You are in timeout because mommy asked you to be nice, and you hit mommy. Now you stay here for two minutes, and I will come and get you."

    3: Walk away and set the timer. No further communication with the child until they have sat for two straight minutes. If they get up and run away, retrieve them and place them back in the timeout, and reset the timer. DO NOT SPEAK TO THEM! This is where it can become a back-and-forth struggle, and tempers go up. Continue to retrieve and replace in timeout if necessary, and reset the timer each time.

    4: After two minutes are up, go back to the child, get on their level, and with eye contact explain: "Mommy put you in time out because you were not listening, and you were hitting mommy when I asked you not to. We must be nice to people and not hit them. Do you understand?" When they are a bit older, try asking them first, "Do you know why you were in timeout?" and see if they can put it together.

    5: Get an apology. "You need to say "I'm sorry." or "I'd like an apology, please."

    6: Hugs and kisses, forgive and forget, back to playtime.

    It's a very straightforward approach with clearly-defined steps, easy to implement, and it works. I think one of the most important parts is not to communicate when they are in timeout. You have to stay in control of the situation, and if they start saying "I hate you mommy, mommy doesn't love me, you're a poop head" etc, and you respond, then you are letting them draw you into an argument. Arguing with a two-year old is a useless endeavor.

    Here is the technique in action with a two year old and a six year old. This does not involve children who are running from the naughty step/room, I'll try to find a clip which demonstrates that as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okr8aK3KbYI
    Married since June 2007, expecting our first child on Christmas Day, 2013

    Darcy ~ Rowena ~ Hazel ~ Lorena ~ Leona ~

    Eames ~ Miro ~ Bradbury ~ Duval ~ Marshall ~

  4. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    207
    Here is a vid where the kid is a runner. Emphasis is on not talking to them while you carry through the timeout, as well as persistence. No matter how many times they get up and run, you MUST get them and bring them back to the chair. If at any point you give up and they don't do the time, you are making it twice as hard to ever complete a full timeout. I can guarantee you that this boy will not spend another hour running from the timeout, because he knows now that it is useless to try to get out of it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2NWl-nWQwE

    Hope these videos help demonstrate a useful timeout technique Good luck with Rowan!
    Married since June 2007, expecting our first child on Christmas Day, 2013

    Darcy ~ Rowena ~ Hazel ~ Lorena ~ Leona ~

    Eames ~ Miro ~ Bradbury ~ Duval ~ Marshall ~

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    PA, USA
    Posts
    548
    I realized that I didn't address time outs in my other post. I think that at the age Rowan is at now, time outs might not be very effective yet. I would recommend waiting until you see that she completely understands what she is doing before you begin a time out strategy (ie; if she throws a cup at you because she's mad at you, instead of throwing a cup at you because she thinks you make a funny face when it hits you).

    Once/if you decide to implement time outs, the Supernanny method that mrstoon outlined above is highly effective as long as you do the steps correctly. The only thing I personally would change is to cut out the apology step. She probably isn't going to be sincerely remorseful after every single time out she's in, and I would rather have my child not apologize to me every time than force them to basically lie to me (just my opinion).

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