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  1. #46
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    697
    I think if they're both going to be in their kids' life then they both deserve a say in what that kid's name is going to be. I could never name my kid something knowing that my husband hated it. It wouldn't really bode well for future parenting outcomes if our first real act as parents was me ignoring his opinions and doing whatever I wanted. To me, marriage and parenting should be an equal partnership and that includes naming.

    I'd rather give up my favorite name than alienate my husband.
    I hope to be a mom one day. For now I enjoy being a name lover.

    My apologies for any typos; i post from my mobile phone.

  2. #48
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    546
    Here's what my partner has given up in this 13 week long pregnancy:

    - Freedom.
    Why? Because I have raging SPD and can't do 90% of the household chores I used to do. It means NO hovering, NO laundry, NO bending down (I simply can't), NO lifting of any kind, NO washing the floors, NO shopping and NO changing the litter box

    - Identity
    Why? Because currently all he does is work, clean, put our brood to bed and then massage my sore limbs in an attempt to ease the pain

    - Sanity
    Why? Because he gets next to no time to himself. His entire life atm is being spend running around like a headless chicken trying to help out as much as he can

    - his wallet.
    Why? Because not only do we need every piece of baby equipment and clothes, including expensive school uniforms, for our children, but we also need to invest in very expensive bus passes as my SPD prevents me from walking on the school run and the bus is the only option for us.

    - Quality time for himself
    Why? Not only does he work two jobs, but he also does everything he can to make life as easy and comfortable for the rest of us while putting his own needs in the backseat.

    These are NOT things he is being asked to, these are things he wants to do!

    I do NOT feel I have given up anymore than my partner has for us to have this child and he does it all without complaining; not just for me, but for our children - born as unborn, because its what a father and a partner does when his "mate" is in distress. He knows it will be a long 6 months while my SPD will probably only get worst, but he doesn't complain or place blame or in any way make me feel like a nuisance or this baby a burden. So why should I place myself on a pedestal of "I'm carrying the baby" - I may well be, I may also be the one experiencing the physical pain, but he's carrying me as much as he can to try to make this pregnancy as smooth, good and easy as possible.

    Maybe I'm just lucky - but I know that this child is being brought into the world with equal sacrifice from both parents and he will love and bond with this child as much, easily and quickly as I will. Even if I breastfeed I know he will be right there, ready to get out of bed to get me/us whatever we need to be comfortable, just as he has with the other children.

    When it comes to naming - we did it in a pretty simple way: when we couldn't agree, we made a deal. He chose the first ones name and I the second ones. The middle names we agreed on. He does veto a lot and he is annoying, but I'd never say "I'm carrying it, its my choice" because its his baby and he is there for our children as much as I am.

    There isn't room for selfishness when raising a baby. Compromise, yes. Persuasion, yes. But not the "it's more MY baby than YOUR baby" card. Not in my opinion anyway.

  3. #50
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    695
    The author sounds selfish to me, too. Feminism is great but when it crosses the line to dismissing men/fathers or taking them for granted, that bothers me. I hope people don't read this article and think that all women share her attitude. The ability to compromise is a necessity for a healthy relationship, as is the ability to put oneself in their partner's shoes. Or at least be willing to attempt to figure out where they're coming from. I hope the author is more empathetic when she's not on hormone overdrive; otherwise, her unappreciative attitude is the warning siren of much marital difficulty to come.

    When it comes to deciding which parent has how much say in naming, I don't think it matters which parent does what childrearing activities (working, cleaning, caregiving) as long as both parents put in their "fair share"--which is whatever works for the couple. I work in a field where there is actually gender equality in the workforce (pharmacist) and when we have children, my husband will be a stay-at-home dad while I bring home da bacon. And this arrangement, flipped gender roles and all, makes no difference to how I feel about naming. We are compromising in a way that works for us. We both have a say because we are both interested in naming and both have ideas.

    Of course, when mom and dad are not together, both in the picture, or interested in naming, those are different stories.
    Personal Favorites: Mira Cairdeas and Darrow Paine

    Best Wishes To All

  4. #52
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    207
    I have found it helpful to create a list, then have him mark names as "no way," "maybe" or "yes." It takes some of the pressure off of him, and I can see which names are "maybe" that I can work to warm him up to. I think I have found my favorite name for our boy (Victor Woodford), and I think I can get him to come around to it.
    Married since June 2007, expecting our first child on Christmas Day, 2013

    Darcy ~ Rowena ~ Hazel ~ Lorena ~ Leona ~

    Eames ~ Miro ~ Bradbury ~ Duval ~ Marshall ~

  5. #54
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Greater Boston, MA
    Posts
    2,100
    Without reading any of the other replies, this is my two cents worth...

    The mother and father should pick a name together. To "punish" the man by saying, "I'm the one who carries the baby for nine months and goes through all that entails, so I get the final say," is rather pathetic. To punish a man for what is nature - i.e. the woman is the one who carries the offspring - just isn't on. (And men miss out by not being the ones who experience pregnancy too, they never get that feeling of the baby growing inside of them, which I can imagine is the most magical feeling on earth).

    Yes it's true that women are the ones who go through the pregnancy, but they wouldn't be pregnant without the man would they, it takes two to make a baby?!

    Choosing a name should be a joint effort and neither parent should try to force the other to use a name they don't like.

    I'd like to think that when my time comes to start a family, with the man I love, choosing names for our children will be something we'll do together, one of the first steps on our joint parenting journey.
    ♥ Margaret Mary ♥
    19. Name nerd. College freshman.


    ~ Eliza Josephine ~ Esther Christabel ~ Harriet Aurelia ~ Mary Jessamine ~ Rose Georgina ~ Sarah Margaret ~
    ~ Asher Benedict ~ Gabriel Walter ~ John Constantine ~ Noah August ~ Reuben Alexander ~ Samuel Ernest ~


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