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September 11th, 2013 12:06 PM #41Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
i had to stop reading the OP's linked article when i arrived at the word "husbanger". either way, the question seems to keep popping up for many moms.
in our case, my fiancé did have a say in the naming of our firstborn. he didn't make too many suggestions, although most of the ones he did make i really liked. i guess we are lucky to be sharing the same taste in names.
i don't expect him to be all over names like i, so i've tried to keep the discussions to a minimum. i also called him out when i noticed him falling into stereotypical patterns like automatically vetoing my suggestions.
with that said, i think it was fun to see what we both like and dislike in names, and how we go about the name search. it took my fiancé always a bit longer to warm up to a name, while i can be very excited about a name today and dislike it the very next.
some people might not be conscious namers. i don't think that's necessarily the guy. but if he happens to be, sometimes you can make him naming-conscious if you happen to be a name nerd and pay attention to origin, popularity, meaning, sound and connotations of a name.. as well as the "flow" between first, middle name(s) and last name. if you can't, i think there might be a point that the person who cares more about names might sometimes get a bit more say, but without overrunning the other.
in our case, while i suggested about 93% of the names we discussed, i was always glad when my fiancé decided he really liked or disliked some of them, since i tend to be indecisive.
September 11th, 2013 12:27 PM #43Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Very great question. After my first son was born and my husband chose his name he said if we have a girl I can choose her name. Than my second son came and it was a easy choice I loved the names Caleb and Kaiden equally and he chose Kaiden. Although he chose the spelling but since I got a name I wanted I didn't argue over the spelling. So child three comes and she is a girl I was all ready with the name Adalyn. My husband wouldn't ever consider it, than I fell in love with the name Gianna, one again he said no way. So we had to compromise. So after three children and not getting the names I love I would say husbands should have imput but not final say.Name favorites :
Alana, Scarlett, Alexandria, Annalise, Gianna, Marcella, Kayla, Arabella, Julianna, Anastasia, Jovanna
Cole, William, Samuel, Caleb, Rylan, Roman, Grayson, Jackson, Joseph, Caden, Christian, Joshua
September 11th, 2013 12:30 PM #45
Despite the pride mothers-to-be are aware that their men have for their child, as a woman i can't relate to the flippancy that men treat the task of naming their blood...
It is not a pet;it is not a colour-by-numbers, it is not an algebra equation....
It most certainly IS someting worth taking into consideration, and having 'back-ups'...
If, at the last moment, my mum did not change her mind, I would be Cesare ( pron. Chez-are-rae) instead of Lucy. And I was was born in 1982....my aussie nickname wld def. have been Cheezel, i just know it). Cesare is traditionally a boys' name, from what i can gather....but my dad liked Lucy. So, on the day, there i was..Lucy.
Dads should get a say, but if he doesnt make an effort after nine months to find more than four names, min 2 each gender, then no, the task is given to mum. Dad can have 2nd or 3rd name, because, really, he has the last name..if thats not enough, then mama needs to strap the whip x Having said that, the stress of having to come up with a decent name for a human being is huge, and during that process of trying to create a great name, stress, hormones, and and maybe even trend during those months ( we all know how quickly styles change) may have you loving ceratin names...then on that bright day, instead of choosing Eames you both agree on James...it is different with every couple and hormones are Kahr-Rae-Zhie!!!!
men choose their participation; approach them gently, let them think it was their idea to discuss it, mentally/secretly take notes, approaching them later with said notes...this works twice in succession, to approach the man a third time invokes a heavy sigh so make your first two lists good. from then on, suggest only two (2) names every 3 days within a 7-day period, with at least a 4 day reprieve..
Lather, rinse, and repeat if necessary....
when it comes to the crunch, if your fella isnt prepared, then you, mamma, has command...if not you then who???? xxxxxx
Last edited by aveline_bellefleur; September 11th, 2013 at 01:02 PM.
September 11th, 2013 12:36 PM #47
I agree that it has to come from both parents. I can't imagine giving my child a name that my husband and I didn't both love. On the other hand, I can understand the frustration that can come in baby naming when half of the couple subscribes to the veto method.
I personally have been thinking about baby names since I was a young girl, dreaming up beautiful combinations, spending countless hours searching baby name websites, saying them in my head wondering what a person with those names would be like (as I'm sure many of my fellow name nerds can identify with). I can imagine the disappointment and frustration when many of those carefully dreamed up combos are summarily dismissed without a second thought. A lot of my favourite names took a while to grow on me, and now have significant meaning in sound and association.
Because of this, I think that both the husband and wife should agree beforehand to give significant respect and consideration to each others' choices before making a decision. If there was a name that my husband had always loved and it was very special to him, that might make me fall in love with something that I had never considered before, and hopefully vice versa.
In summary, I just think that both partners should consider how important the name is to the other, and through that reach a compromise that leaves both in love with the final choice.
September 11th, 2013 01:12 PM #49
@julery - absolutely; luckily my DH agrees on my names for girls, tho for boys i find i need to be more scrupulous; i find im less whimiscal, and more serious when creating male name combos; and DH always has final say tho i am allowed 2nd/3rd if i agree with his firsts'.