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August 15th, 2013 09:14 PM #1
How much say should men have in baby naming?
Article in an Australian newspaper today:
No Cookies | Herald Sun
Well, I think both parents should agree on their child's name, but, let's be honest, the mother usually has the final say! My husband also subscribes to the "rejection" method!TTC #1
Audrey - Beatrice - Clara - Daphne - Jane - Margaret - Susannah - Violet
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August 15th, 2013 09:29 PM #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
I think it should be a compromise of sorts. I will say I did insist that we name our first daughter after my mother but I offered that he could come up with any nickname or whatever if he wanted to make the name something he loved as much as me. Instead he agreed to it with the stipulation that we name our first son Patrick. So we pretty much each got to pick one name that we completely loved. And by the time our daughter was born my husband was head over heels about the name as much as I was since it was really cute to hear our two year old say it. And I got really lucky that the name he wanted to use was one I already loved.
If we have a third I would like to both really like the name. So far my husband isn't interested in talking about potential names since we're not even TTC yet. I've suggested a few possible names and he mostly says that it's OK. I kind of want to pick an name that we both love or at least grow to love by the time the baby arrives.Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)
August 15th, 2013 09:33 PM #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I found the article sexist and the writer annoying. My mom picked my first name and Dad picked my sister's. My dad picked my middle name and my mom picked my sister's. We are happy, we have normal if common names that were possibly two great-grandma names. Most of the couples I know get along when it comes to naming children. I think if you are married and your husband contributes to both having an income and raising the family then he gets an equal say. My mom would never have picked my sister's name, but she loves it now as she loves my sister.
I think it gets complicated when you are not together or the relationship is unstable.
I also think fighting about names is often a sign of deeper issues. For example in the article I think the real issue is she wanted a smaller family than he did, and she feels like he takes for granted not only in names but in general how strenuous and hard it is to keep being pregnant, etc. I personally would have made him adopt the second son to make sure the numbers are even (since that's important to him.)
August 15th, 2013 09:48 PM #7
Interesting. Although I am only 15w, I have been trying to find the "perfect" name since I found out I was pregnant. My husband, however, could not be less interested in a name conversation. I am crossing my fingers that once we know the gender, he will want to talk names more. If he doesn't, I am perfectly willing to just choose whatever I see fit. I am pretty sure that my husband had very little involvement in the naming of his other children, so it might really be something he doesn't care about.Step-Mother to three lovely children - Josiah Lewis (14), Stella Evangeline (8), and Emma Catherine (4)
Expecting Baby Chicken on February 3, 2014
It's a boy!
Rhys Andrew, Milo Andrew, Conrad Henry, or August Henry/August Charles
August 15th, 2013 10:03 PM #9Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2012
The "I'm carrying the baby so I'm naming the baby" attitude of the author is really selfish and quite awful.
Yes, she is going through a lot physically to carry the child - but biologically it is a task he cannot undertake. While not diminishing how hard birth and labour are on a woman, they will be parenting together for at least the next 18 years so starting that relationship by disregarding one partner's input based on something he cannot do isn't a great way to ensure the parenting of that particular child starts smoothly.
I can understand the frustration when one partner isn't contributing at all to the discussion of names, and to a limited extent I can understand the position of "unless you bring a new name to the table then we are using one of my favourites". However, while it seems to be an underlying problem in the article, it's not her stated reason for shutting her husband out of the discussion. In most cases I've heard this argument used however is in circumstances where the mother wants one name and the father wants another and neither will budge - in those circumstances I think it is a selfish way to solve a dispute that could otherwise be solved with compromise.
The final thing that jarred about her article is the fact that she couldn't see her husband had given up anything at all for the pregnancy. I'm not saying contributions are equal however this speaks of one of two problems - either the husband really is a layabout who doesn't lift a finger, or she can'trecognise the contributions he makes to the family - either of which are very fforeboding for the future of a relationship. As the partner of a pregnant woman, I have also made sacrifices - for example if soneone has to get up to our toddler in the night, it's always me, if someone has to move from the couch in the evening or sleep there at night because she needs space, it's always me, I'm giving up a heap of sick leave to look after her and our toddler when she's struggling, as well as being the sole financial contributor, as well as giving up any chance of leaving a job that is a bad fit for me for the next five years. So ultimately if her husband is doing none of that, there's a problem - and if she can't recognise that he is contributing, there is also a problem.