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August 8th, 2013 04:54 PM #11Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
If you are not completely financially independant and have a way to support yourself and your baby without relying on your parents, you probably shouldn't be considering having a family.
Babies change everything. Even if you're older, babies change your entire world. You will not be able to hang out with friends, have time to yourself, be a young person.
I'd recommend before going down this road and doing something you can't take back, think about the person you want to become. Do you have any dreams, any goals, aspirations?
I found myself pregnant at 23, I had already finished university, was working a decent job, and had a boyfriend who was willing to marry me. We didn't have that child, however, because I was JUST TOO YOUNG, even at that age. I wanted to be someone my son or daughter could look up to. I wanted to have a real career and I wanted to have gone on some real adventures. Once you have a baby, especially when you are that young, you lose the time you need as a young person to be reckless and selfish. I didn't have that baby, and while it made me sad for many many years, I did go on to pursue a career in fashion design, do things, travel places, and become a well rounded adult. I ended up having a beautiful baby girl at age 29 when I was ready. I'm now pregnant with my second. Yes, I did marry that boyfriend, but I think our life would have been a lot different if we had rushed into parenthood. We were able to have 5 years as a married couple, 7 as a couple, before having a baby. That makes for a much stronger foundation. You need more than love to make a family work, you need coping skills, you need relationship skills, you need life skills.
When I was really young, I thought my life would be over at 30. I wanted to be married by 25 and kids by the time I was 30 tops. Life is short, but not as short as you are thinking. Give yourself a chance to be a young person before taking away all of your options.
I'm just giving the advice I'd give my own daughter. Live your life. Become someone your future daughter can look up to.
August 8th, 2013 04:57 PM #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
It's fairly normal, though not frequently talked about, for girls your age to want a baby.
Aside from how very drastically a baby changes your life, you don't fully mature mentally or emotionally until you're in your early 20s. That's part of why it makes it so much harder for a teen to have a baby, on top of a lack of life experience, school, and having a young relationship. Risks in pregnancy are also quite increased in teens, such as low birth weight, premature labor, and developmental problems in babies born to teen moms.
It's possible these feelings are driven by hormones, but especially if you know your parents are unsupportive, it could be due to feeling like you need your own family, something is missing, etc. talking about this with a counselor at school or elsewhere might be a good idea. They have experience in helping young girls who dream about pregnancy in handling their urges to get pregnant.Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13
August 8th, 2013 05:05 PM #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Orange County, CA
It's not a problem that your boyfriend is supportive of having a baby! But is he supportive of you continuing your education? What if you go for a semester abroad or a summer internship in another state and he's left as a "single" working dad? What if he wants to take a job on the other side of the country, and you are set at your university? My point is, there is just so many changes that we go through in our 20s. I look back on how I was at 18, 21, 25...man I was so immature. Even now, I'm almost 30 and I wouldn't say I'm "so mature" yet...but a lot more mature than I was. You don't even realize how much change there is until you're looking back on it a decade later. I'm not saying it can't be done, but just that it's so much harder when you're young. I got married at 27, after dating the same man for 10 years. We had gone through multiple career changes, multiple universities, long-distance, and heartbreaks...but by 27/28 we also had secure income and career trajectory, savings, and no debt, as well as a lot of important personal growth. Yes, money doesn't buy love, but the security really does reduce the stress on a relationship and help to provide a stable household for a prospective baby. Not to mention the importance of having some special one-on-one time as a couple marrying and living together, before adding kids to the equation. Travel, honeymoon, spontaneous adventures...there's plenty of time to have kids, but you won't always be able a place where you can do these things alone with your love.
I really like what yreynolds said about considering what sort of person you want to be. It's not just about how much you want a baby, I'm pretty sure everyone on this website--except maybe some of the writers--really wants a baby, but it's about what sort of home you are bringing a baby into. I'm sure you want to be the best possible parent for your baby, and I really think a few more years and a lot more life experience will significantly increase what you are able to bring to your baby as a parent.
Last edited by capturedcastle; August 8th, 2013 at 05:13 PM.Current favorites: Olive, Louise/Louisa, Magdalene/Madeline, Phillipa, Talitha, Mallory, Blythe, Eliza, Mercy, Talia; Calvin, Charles, Gideon, Abram, Jude, Reuben, George, Reid, Clark, Holden.
August 8th, 2013 05:10 PM #17
Thanks so much both of you!!!
I like the idea to talk to a counselor about that but i'am really SHY to have a face to face conservation with a stranger. (that's why i'am doing this to an internet because this people can be more optimistic) .
My parents would be truly unsupported to this. They don't even want to have a boyfriend in the first place. What about a baby.It's truly the main reason that because my family didn't work out, I want my own family to consider MINE.
I also I agree that many girls in my age want a baby. I have two close friends who are pregnant. I even found my self jealous of them,“I am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and I thought people would see it because 'romantic' doesn't mean 'sugary.' It's dark and tormented — the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you can't attain.”
August 8th, 2013 05:17 PM #19
@ capturedcastle. If my BF wouldn't allow me to finish school or go to a university ,I wouldn't be with or even consider this. But you put in mind many doubts. I don't want to have a baby and after a week broke up with my BF. I also agreed that I must have a stable income so my baby wouldn't miss a thing.Also I realize that I want to be with someone for a while before I take the big step and have a baby. Not only after 1 yr .I need the relationship to be tested!!
Thank you again all of you!!
I finally release (I think) how silly I was to consider this.“I am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and I thought people would see it because 'romantic' doesn't mean 'sugary.' It's dark and tormented — the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you can't attain.”