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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    189

    Best way to break up with someone

    I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I think most of you berries are older than me and I think that's what I need right now. I've been asking my friends for advice, and they came up with things like "text him" and "just move out, don't say anything". I'm obviously not doing that..

    What is the best way to break up with someone in your opinion? I guess I'm a little afraid of how he's going to react, and how things will change for our daughter. And not to mention how his family will react. I moved in with them when I found out I was pregnant with Parker, and they've been great and really supportive. I don't want to loose them, but I've finally realized that life will suck even more if I stay together with Jem. So, any advice? How do I bring this up? I don't want to hurt his feelings either =/
    [B][CENTER][FONT=Fixedsys][SIZE=5]Mikayla[/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/B]
    [CENTER][FONT=Fixedsys]mom to Parker Hermione
    due December 11 with #2
    [COLOR="#ff6699"]Nova Felicity[/COLOR] OR [COLOR="#3399cc"]Mason Phoenix[/COLOR][/CENTER][/FONT]

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    915
    I've been through 10 breakups, and most of them were about the same. All very simple. Just a sit-down, honest conversation. You can start with a simplified, sensitive version of the truth: you think you'd be better parents if you weren't together romantically. He may or may not push for an explanation, but only offer "reasons" if he asks for them. No sense in hurting him if it's unnecessary. You never know, he may be feeling the same thing.
    One little born 1/14

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,386
    I haven't been through too many break-ups, but I've seen friends go through a few nasty ones. You are wise not to listen to your friends' advice. I think it's kind of like pulling off a band-aid. You just have to sit down and say it. Plan out what you will say, but remember that even if you word everything perfectly, it's still going to be hard for both of you. He may get angry or cry, and that's normal.

    Since there is a child involved, assure him and his family that you will not keep them from seeing the baby. After some time has passed, you may want to sit down and set some boundaries for what is and isn't appropriate in terms of impromptu visits, contacts, etc., especially with his family members.

    Good luck!
    Miriam ~ Helena ~ Estella ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Alice ~ Marilla ~ Sarah
    Paul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel

    Trying for baby#1
    Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    189
    Thanks for the advice so far. The thing is, we're expecting #2 and I obviously want him to be a part of the baby's life, and I want both kids to see their father and that side of the family. He kind of knows the reasons behind this, but..well, let's just say that he has some problems and it might get nasty when I tell him about the break up. I'm not sure if I want to sit down with him because of this, but I don't know any other way to do it except having someone else with me but that seems kind of silly
    [B][CENTER][FONT=Fixedsys][SIZE=5]Mikayla[/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/B]
    [CENTER][FONT=Fixedsys]mom to Parker Hermione
    due December 11 with #2
    [COLOR="#ff6699"]Nova Felicity[/COLOR] OR [COLOR="#3399cc"]Mason Phoenix[/COLOR][/CENTER][/FONT]

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,386
    Hi again. When I said "boundaries", I didn't mean to imply the family wouldn't see the children, but rather that if you may not want him or his parents dropping by unannounced or calling all the time. If Dad and grandma can barge in any time, it can confuse the kids about whether you're actually together or not, and also cut into your own privacy. I'm from a blended family, and things can get awkward. We have great relationships with both our parents' families, but when we were growing up we had very clearly marked "dad's time" and "mom's time".

    When you say "get nasty", do you mean you don't feel safe. (You don't need to answer this; I'm just trying to clarify my response.) If you don't feel safe, would it be possible to talk to him somewhere that's "public", in that people are around if it gets crazy, but private enough that you're not right next to other people. I'm thinking a public park or square.
    Miriam ~ Helena ~ Estella ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Alice ~ Marilla ~ Sarah
    Paul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel

    Trying for baby#1
    Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova

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