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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    579

    Question If your child came out as Trans*?

    Hi! If your child, little Alice or little Mason, came to you and said s/he wanted to be the opposite gender, how would you tackle the situation? And let's say little Al(ice) becomes a teen with hormone blocks, so he can be sure about this whole thing and in the end he is. He tells you he'd like another name, would you give him names to choose, from or help him individually find one suiting him?
    There is a (tumblr) blogger who did both things, with his parents.
    What are your thoughts?
    (The Art of Transliness • So, lately my assigned birth name isn't really cutting it for me anymore. I don't hate it, but as more time passes It feels less and less suitable when I hear myself say it, like it doesn't suit me. Plus, I've started as - here if you'd like to see)

    I identify myself as a gender queer, which I know my parents aren't very thrilled about!
    Proud Auntie/cousin to;
    Noah (29-5-10), Silke (23-8-11), Sophia (18-11-11), Victoria (13-8-13) & Hopefully little Alex (due Dec!)


    Dagmar Selene ~ Lystra Science ~ Linde Harriet ~ Oswald Seth ~ Laurel Bellamy ~ Ianto Lior~

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,529
    If I ended up with a trans* child I'd most likely let them pick whatever name they wanted if they've expressed a sincere desire to transition (although if they were still under 18 I'd exercise veto power should they choose something too bizarre). Basically I'd treat it the same as a child that wanted to change their name for whatever reason with one big exception: I'd get it legally changed (if that's what all parties want) before they get a driver's license, have a job, graduate high school, etc. The reason is that doing it at such an age will largely (with exceptions like government security clearances where they can trace you back to birth) relieve them the need to explain their former name when applying for jobs, credit, etc. (they'd have no more need to mention their former name than someone who was adopted at said age).

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    151
    I would support my child in being who they are. I agree very much with namefan about helping her/him get a legal name change before the license, job, and diploma. The only thing that upsets me about possibly having a trans child is whether they would want sexual reassignment surgery (because I wouldn't want them to lose their ability to have orgasms, which happens sometimes). Other than that, I wouldn't be very upset about having a trans child. I'd rather have a trans child than have my teenager become a parent in high school, or start using hard drugs, or join a gang. Those latter issues seriously compromise one's future, so are much worse, yet more common. Looking at it that way, if the only issue your teenager has is being trans, you're kind of lucky (fear of discrimination and hate crimes aside). I'm not a parent yet, but that's how I see it right now.

    This is just one of the many reasons reasons I like unisex names, so that people won't always feel so strongly about the need to change their name if they are trans (the names I have on my list are either unisex, or gender-typical and I have a unisex or opposite gender nickname picked out).
    ElizabethAlessandraBronwenDylanJamesSilasJoseph

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,529
    @namesy: As you said I'd probably insist that they wait until they're a legal adult before doing genital work (but of course can socially and maybe hormonally* transition before then) so they bear the responsibility if something goes wrong. (On the other hand it's common for boys in the U.S. to have a procedure done right after birth that can have negative sexual effects so there are plenty of parents who don't think about the effects of their children's future sex lives.)

    *At least using blockers to prevent irreversible effects from the hormones of their biological gender, and maybe farther into their teen years giving them the appropriate hormones.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    151
    Quote Originally Posted by namefan View Post
    *At least using blockers to prevent irreversible effects from the hormones of their biological gender, and maybe farther into their teen years giving them the appropriate hormones.
    I agree with this. Blockers first, hormones a couple years later. It's a big decision and sounds scary as a parent because hormones are so powerful, but all I have to do is imagine myself turning into a man and how upset I'd be, and then I know I'd help my child grow into who they really are, whether that's man, woman, or someone in between.
    ElizabethAlessandraBronwenDylanJamesSilasJoseph

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