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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Texas, USA
    Posts
    1,498
    I was happy to find out. The way I figure it, I still had that surprise "It's a boy/girl!" moment, just earlier.

    It feels a little silly to have an ultrasound and deliberately NOT find out?
    I don't think it's silly. It's just a choice.

    I've felt weird lately referring to the baby as "it", and it seems like it would be nice to refer to him/her as a him/her.
    It is nice to be able to think "him/her," I agree. Never in my life have pronouns brought me so much pleasure as they did when I was pregnant and able to refer to my baby as he and him. Silly as it was, I loved saying things like "his room" or "his carseat." Something about it being more specific than it/the baby made it more special for me.

    It may help DH and I bond more with the baby if we think of it as a boy or girl? Maybe it will feel more real? We'll be mentally prepared so we won't have any moments of disappointment at the birth if we do have a secret preference that we don't realize?
    Maybe. I wouldn't say knowing his sex made my pregnancy more real, and I was already head-over-heels in love with him before the U/S, but I do think it added another layer of emotion. I remember putting my hand over my belly where he was kicking, thinking "my son," and feeling such a rush of love and anticipation that it brought tears to my eyes. I suppose I could have felt the same if I had thought "my baby," but again I liked the specificity of it, the mother-to-son connection.

    Gender disappointment hits people differently, but if you and your husband have a preference so slight it's a secret from both of you, you probably don't need to worry.

    Specifically a namenerd problems: we're pretty well set on a girl's name, more than a boy's, and I'm not sure if it's because of that that I just keep picturing a girl? I actually find it hard to think too much about our boy options, because the girl's name feels more 'real.' I mean, we don't have a preference, especially as it's our first and we are planning to have more. But I'm a little worried that I will keep picturing a girl who goes by our girl's name, and either be surprised/have a hard time adjusting if it turns out to be a boy, or feel like we can't use our favorite girl's name in the future because it "belongs" to this kid, even though he would have his own name.
    A lot of namenerds simply have a preference for boy names or girl names, and a lot of women have an easier time imagining having a baby girl than a baby boy. I don't think being less settled on your boy choice necessarily means that gender disappointment is imminent. Everyone is different, but the world is full of secondborns bearing names chosen by their parents during their first pregnancies, so if you're not calling your unborn by your girl name--out loud or in your head--I doubt it will feel too attached to this pregnancy to use in the future.

    FWIW, I have a preference for boy names, but I went into my U/S kinda-sorta believing I was having a girl and only having a girl's name all picked out. It wasn't a strong gender preference, and I didn't feel any disappointment at all when I learned he was a boy.

    I might be able to let go of obsessing about names and combos if we know which it will be.
    True, and I think that's useful if you have a long list for both sexes, and you just can't whittle it down at all. It sounds like you have your girl's name and are zeroing in on your boy's name, so I think you can ease up on the obsessing already!

    As far as unwanted pink and blue clothing, you have a couple options even if you decide to find out. You could keep it a secret known only to you and your husband. A friend of mine had a "punk princess" shower when she was expecting her daughter--no pink allowed! (Her grandmother couldn't fathom it and did buy some frilly pink thing, but the other guests were very into it.)
    Last edited by goodhope; July 19th, 2013 at 11:46 AM.
    ----
    Mom to N
    Malcolm, Tristan, Aaron, Garrett, Vincent
    Iris, Bridget, Bonnie, Averill, Petra

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    810
    We kept baby a surprise. Glad we did. We had a baby boy this past spring.
    Likely would keep the next baby a surprise during pregnancy as well.

  3. #10
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    188
    Thanks for the input, everyone.

    The funny part is, I think if I have any preference, it's for a boy, but only because I didn't have an older brother (have an older sister and younger brothers), and always wanted that when I was growing up. So, the idea of having a boy first seems nice to give any potential future daughters an older brother. But, I keep feeling like we are having a girl. I think it may be what @goodhope said, that it's easier to imagine because I am a woman! And because we have a name...and really, I kind of want a girl because saying the name and envisioning it on a little baby just makes me happy. But when I think of DH with either a son or daughter, both seem equally adorable in different ways, so I just feel torn.

    Also, we live in a country where boys are highly valued, and I wonder what makes our "we're happy to have either" more believable: deliberately not finding out, or finding out and being very happy when you tell people that you are having a girl? Of course, if we find out and it's a boy, everyone will congratulate us on our luck, and I think that would annoy me....hmmm...this might be the best reason not to know!!

  4. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,228
    I'm on my 4th pg and never wanted to find out for any of them. We had several scans with each of the previous pgs and just said we didn't want to know and they were fine with it. We never had problems bonding with any of our babies either. We would never buy pink or blue anyway and reused the same bright coloured babysuits for all of them. I call the baby by their nickname or the baby or sometimes I alternate between he or she.

    With this pregnancy we found out, by mistake. We live in a foreign country and though we told the sonographer that we didn't want to know in both English and the local language, she wasn't listening or didn't understand and told us anyway. It has been a disappointment for me finding out. For me, it does take away of bit of the fun and anticipation of the pregnancy and it does take away a special moment when my other half announces the gender to me after the baby is born. I also hate telling people the gender and wish we had decided to keep it a secret, but we didn't so I do and it just feels wrong. I love picking out boys and girls names, imagining my kids with a baby sister or brother, the constant wondering.

    I still call the baby 'Baby' and 'he' and 'she' just out of habit. It's maybe been a bit easier for the kids to get used to the idea of the baby coming, but the boys never had problems accepting or understanding things with my previous pregnancies.

    In the end, do what feels right for you, but I would get the 20 week scan for all the other reasons you mentioned, very important.
    Mum to Mousie, Foo, Bumptious and Pudding.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    676
    We found out for both our children. I like having everything ready when the baby is born. All the clothes washed and put away. I really enjoyed shopping for baby clothes and I prefer a lot of the gender specific clothes. I also like to wash the clothes before the baby wears them for the first time. My in-laws think I'm crazy for this so I end up doing the laundry for new clothes given to us after the baby even though I just had a baby. I wouldn't want to have to do too much but since we already knew the gender we only got a few things not a bunch. I only had a shower with my son and maybe it's because he was a boy but we got a lot of gender neutral gifts because that's what I registered for with the big stuff (pack and play, stroller, high chair, car seat). We also kept the nursery neutral and both of my children have used it.
    As far as names we already had one boy and one girl name picked when we were expecting my son. When we were expecting my daughter we really weren't on the same page at all when it came to boys names. We were relieved when we found out it was a girl because we stopped arguing over boys names. I liked not only using him or her but also being able to call my baby by name. I found saying the name to be a fun experience and just so exciting that we were about to actually give it to a child.
    The birth was still an incredible experience. Seeing your child for the first time is amazing! However now I also have the exciting memories of when we found out the gender at 20ish weeks and getting to tell people. I will say I did get annoyed the second time with all the comments "oh you're having a girl and you already have a boy! Well now your family is complete"!
    Mother to: Patrick Werner (3/10) and Mary Claire (06/12)

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