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Thread: HELP! Hubby is NUTS!
July 18th, 2013 02:16 PM #26Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I think men can severely underestimate how much of a change a newborn will bring. When my husband planned a week off of paternity leave, he talked about it like it was going to be a great relaxing break from work. I told him it wasn't going to be a vacation, but he wouldn't believe me. It wasn't until the baby was here that he saw how tiring and how much work it was to take care of a newborn. You will not be getting much sleep, you will still be figuring out how to take care of baby, and baby will consume all of your time. Not only that, but you will still be recovering from the birth and will need to take care of yourself too.
I agree with the others - I'm no germaphobe, but a plane is one of the worst places to take a newborn. There's no way I would take a trip like that with a new baby. Let your husband know that his family is very important to you, and you would love to see them, and you would absolutely LOVE to go, but unfortunately it's just not possible. Like you said, you haven't even gotten into the what-ifs: What if the baby comes two weeks late? What if, heaven forbid, you have a really rough birth and you or the baby need to stay in the hospital for a while? Birth is not something you can plan around.
I had to make a similar decision. One of my best friends was getting married in another state when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I really wanted to go, but my husband felt we should really stick close to home and our doctor since it was so close to the due date. Of course, I didn't want to hear it and I was very upset at the thought of missing my best friend's wedding, but eventually I came around - especially since I started having pre-term labor at 35 weeks. Thankfully it stopped, but it really showed me that my husband was right, and it was safest for me and the baby if I stayed home. I still got to see wedding pictures and videos, and my friend understood.
July 18th, 2013 02:40 PM #28
Thanks so much everyone! He comes home this afternoon and since he knows I'm always here on Nameberry, sharing stuff and asking questions, I think I'm going to tell him I posted the issue and got a lot of replies and share them straight with him. I'll leave out the part about me calling him "nuts" of course - but that's just my flare for drama anyway ;-)
But you all have made so many great points and had so much great insight, I seriously can't thank you enough. If he comes around to understanding how bad of an idea I think it is, it will be a huge relief off my shoulders! His mom and dad have also decided to come visit this August, for a week or so, so although of course Baby Girl won't be here, I can try talking face-to-face with his mom about it then too. I much prefer that than via email or phone. Also, I think everyone who said he's completely under-estimating what life will be like once she arrives is very right - I don't mean to sound belittling but it really seems like guys just have no clue (not that I'm fully prepared, no one can be, but I think women have a better idea usually). Thanks again!!! <<hugs>>Christine
Pregnancy #1: lost to mc, 10/11
Amelia Joelle arrived on 11/28/13 at 7 pounds, 4 ounces of pure beauty. Couldn't be happier to finally be mama!
Baby #2 - another GIRL! - due 8/1/16
July 18th, 2013 02:52 PM #30
July 18th, 2013 02:54 PM #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
- Austin, TX
I personally went through something similar - immense pressure to travel over Christmas with a 5 week old. In this case we knew I had to have a section. I refused to go. It was flu season, it was holiday travel (when people with all kinds of illness fly anyway because they're determined to see family) and I did not want to be in a strange city looking for a ped with a sick baby. Nevermind the possibility of getting STUCK there with a baby too sick to travel home! I asked my OB and the baby's ped and they both supported my decision. I just refused to debate it. Husband was welcome to leave us but we weren't going anywhere. It was a lot of drama at the time but I have no regret in hindsight. Families tend to go through huge growing pains when suddenly there is a new baby and new mom in the mix, needed to be supported and accommodated. Some families are graceful through the transition, others flail. Let them flail, stick to your guns (you'll need to set a prescedent!) and don't be too angry with them for having a hard time, if you can. Transitions are hard, but they aren't forever. Everyone will adjust. What a happy reason to have to miss the reunion, after all!
July 18th, 2013 03:12 PM #34Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I like the idea of inviting his family to stop over and visit with you before or after their trip to Disney World. While the timing is unfortunate, I really cannot see a way that you or the baby would be ready for a trip like this. To add to something a previous poster said, I agree it is easier to travel with an infant than a toddler--even on a plane--but I wouldn't consider a trip like this or committing to anything really when you know you will have a 2-3 week old baby and you don't know exactly what that means yet.