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July 16th, 2013 04:32 PM #1
When I first joined this site and became active on the boards, I was grateful that I'd finally found a place where names of all styles could be discussed with thoughtfulness, intelligence and openmindedness, and a place I could look to for constructive, non-judgmental advice and insight.
Since, I've started to get a little bummed out about the tone that often dominates some of the threads.
To be more specific, I'm talking about posts where, instead of replying to a request for feedback about a name with something like " I don't like that name at all because X, Y and Z," a respondent sees fit to write something like, "No. Just, no. That's ridiculous." Or, instead of, "I prefer quirky, unusual names to traditional or trendy ones," a poster blasts anyone who chooses a traditional or trendy name as "lazy," or uncaring about their children's futures.
What's the difference? One kind of response sets up room for dialogue and critical discussion. The other shuts it down. "That's terrible;" "That's a stripper name;" That's trashy;" "That's boring": How do these kinds of comments do anything except contribute to polarization and icky feelings?
I want to be part of a discussion community that's about sharing an interest, learning about other points of view, and trying to understand how and why we all have such varied, subjective responses to individual names--I think it's an incredibly interesting thing to think and talk about. I think (I know?) other Berries feel the same.
I would hope that we might all try to work toward keeping this a space where all participants--especially those who have entirely different sensibilities from ourselves--feel welcome and empowered to share.human children:
holden timothy | huckleberry jude
penelope | puck | sofia
July 16th, 2013 04:44 PM #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I do think people should practice proper manners and etiquette when critiqing and reviewing other's names. I've felt the same way about some post also. I think you should be honest but be a little more conscientious and considerate of other's names styles and choices. Embrace the differences and learn to provide better feedback instead of being abrasive and harsh. It's an opinion not the law and treat it as such. No one opinion holds more value than the other.
July 16th, 2013 04:50 PM #5
I've been noticing this a lot more lately as well. I'll probably get blasted for this, but I notice this a lot more with newer, younger posters. While there are some "Senior Members" which I tend to think of as rude, they still tend to lend more to discussion. I mostly see the short, rude responses from the younger posters.
ETA: There are many wonderful, young posters on Nameberry. I don't want to say all of the young posters are like that, just a few that I've noticed.The Future Littles:
Delaney Lynne, Mallory June, Bridget Victoria, Rachel MarloweBrandon Erich, Daniel Kent, Nolan ____
July 16th, 2013 06:11 PM #7
Hmmm. I feel like I may sometimes be guilty of this, though I never intend to belittle anyone or their choices. I usually try to qualify whatever I say by adding that it's just my personal opinion, I'm not objective, etc etc.
However, it kind of annoys me when the opposite problem occurs--people are almost aggressively nice, and gang up on anyone who expresses a remotely negative opinion, even when it's expressed respectfully. This is a forum people visit in order to solicit opinions--some negativity is inevitable.Gwen: Film student, bookworm, and bad influence.
Ismay Cleo Sybella Ailsa Cosima
Prosper Sirius Oberon Malcolm Zephyr
July 16th, 2013 06:22 PM #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
Gwen, you're horrible
I think most people behave nicely. Of course I don't get people who are being mean about it (as some have been from time to time), but c'mon, there's a lot of weird questions around here, what do you think of Ammunition as a boy's name, nickname Amu? Is Magpie a cute name name for a girl? Should I put Twinkletoes in the middle or should I be brave and use it as a first? What are you supposed to say? And after pouring down the tequila the brain doesn't function quite the way it's supposed to.
I find it more "bullying" with the people who hunt down threads where people discuss more controversial naming styles to belittle them. I think we should all try to give advice based on the OP's taste, not our own. I don't find it constructive to comment on people's taste based on my own, I try to put myself in their shoes. If someone likes surnames or boy names on girls, find nice one and suggest instead of bringing up Annabelle or Cordelia.
And we have to remember that the way you think you say stuff isn't always how it will be read on the internet. Sarcasm and wit can be hard to decipher.My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014