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Thread: Adoptions

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    189

    Adoptions

    What do you think of adoption (babies)? I'm pregnant with #2 and we've discussed adoptions with our friends and they all have quite strong opinions.

    What about open vs. closed adoptions? What's the best one according to you and why? And if you were to give your child up for adoption, what would be important to you when picking the new parents?
    Under which circumstances do you think adoption os okay? Never? Always? Anything else?

    As you can see I have a lot of questions and I'm quite confused... It's a BIG decision!!
    [B][CENTER][FONT=Fixedsys][SIZE=5]Mikayla[/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/B]
    [CENTER][FONT=Fixedsys]mom to Parker Hermione
    due December 11 with #2
    [COLOR="#ff6699"]Nova Felicity[/COLOR] OR [COLOR="#3399cc"]Mason Phoenix[/COLOR][/CENTER][/FONT]

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4
    I think adoptions can be an amazing thing. To have the ability to give a couple the gift of a child is a precious and selfless thing to do. If I gave a child up for adoption I would opt for a closed adoption, but it's a personal choice. I would do an open adoption if I knew that there wasn't any way I could provide for the child. Now if I was the one adopting I would opt for a closed adoption just for insecurity issues, I wouldn't want to feel threatened. Then again, it all depends on the people/personalities involved with the adoption process. I hope this helped.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Adelaide Australia
    Posts
    575
    My husband is very glad he was adopted! He has a great relationship with his parents and is uninterested in contacting his biological family (but of course I'm fascinated).

    His (non-biological) sister was also adopted and did go to find her 'real parents' when she was 18, you know, the ones who'd let her smoke and buy her a car. Well she came home from meeting them to kiss my mother-in-law's hallway floor saying 'thank you for adopting me, those people are NUTS!'
    Thrilled to be mother to @gnes Ei1ish Madeline and Fe1icity Bridget Be@trice

    If we'd had boys the list was: Godfrey, Seamus, Alexander, Michael, Felix, Peter, Ignatius & Sebastian.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Currently on the west side of the U.S.
    Posts
    418
    My niece is adopted and she's absolutely wonderful! But I would say that no matter what, it's definitely the kind of decision that could very much benefit from professional assistance - as in, a counselor/therapist. Whether you're considering adopting a baby yourself or putting one up for adoption, it's a huge, life changing decision that should be weighed for awhile. And that's what therapists are trained to do - especially if you find one specifically trained in this area of family life. Good luck!

    ETA: You can locate therapists that specialize in adoption issues by googling "therapists adoption" plus the area where you live. I found quite a few right away!
    Last edited by cvdutch31; June 26th, 2013 at 08:31 PM.
    Christine

    Pregnancy #1: lost to mc, 10/11

    Amelia Joelle arrived on 11/28/13 at 7 pounds, 4 ounces of pure beauty. Couldn't be happier to finally be mommy!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    915
    Quote Originally Posted by mikayla View Post
    Under which circumstances do you think adoption os okay? Never? Always? Anything else?
    Wow, do you really know people who think adoption is "never okay??" I don't know how to answer this question, myself, I've never thought in terms of it being okay or not.

    Your questions are SO broad. My broad, general feeling on adoption is that it is always a wonderful choice, but can have terrible repercussions for the child, birth mother, and adoptive family if things don't go just right. It's nearly impossible to predict.

    My father in law was adopted soon after birth, and went on a mission to find his birth parents when he was in his mid-forties. It was primarily in an effort to educate himself on his genetic background for medical reasons, but also just plain curiosity. His mother consented, but as it turns out, only did so because she thought he'd be unsuccessful. He found an entire extended birth family that, other than the predictable emotional conflict, welcomed him with excitement. His relationship with his mother has never been the same, and their issues have affected my husband (his son, her grandson) as well. It's kind of a mess. So my husband is very turned off to the idea for himself.

    Today, someone like her likely wouldn't have been allowed to adopt in the first place. She has never been psychologically capable of handling the complexities of raising children that, in a way, belonged to someone else as well. It's totally crumbled her family world late in life, and she's become isolated.

    I have two adopted cousins, and one has had other types of issues integrating into their families. He ended up in a group home after living with his adoptive family from birth until early teenhood. The other has serious medical issues (the cause of her being put up for adoption), but other than that, is fully integrated into her adoptive family.
    I had a friend in high school who would always pull the "social services" card on her poor adoptive parents whenever they tried to discipline her. She ended up a single mother at 18, went through a tumultuous few years, and is now married with another child.
    I also spent awhile reading about Vietnam's rocky history with international adoption, and the large community of adoptees who are deeply angry for being removed from their culture.

    It's all very interesting, and there's a LOT to think about. Honestly, my first move would be researching as a couple, not asking strangers on the internet for their general opinions on the subject.

    To your more specific questions:

    What about open vs. closed adoptions? What's the best one according to you and why?
    There is no 'best,' but I think I would prefer closed either as birth OR adoptive parent. Of course, that's impossible for me to imagine as someone who's never been faced with the decision of putting a child up for adoption. I would want the child to have an easy path to finding their birth parents later in life, but having contact while growing up would be emotionally confusing for all involved.

    And if you were to give your child up for adoption, what would be important to you when picking the new parents?
    I think that finding someone with similar religious beliefs is pretty universal... for me, I am a firm atheist and would not want my child raised in a religious atmosphere. I would want parents who were highly educated, who hold similar values (for me, it would be nutrition, environmental activism, science, and volunteerism), and who had strong careers or career goals if they are young (anything under 30s for the educated set). I would want them to live in an ecologically responsible manner, and preferably in a city with good air quality and access to renewable resources and local living.

    My priorities already conflict with at least one other commenter on this thread, so as you can see, it's going to be different depending on the mother. What's important is finding a good compatibility.
    Last edited by yellow; June 27th, 2013 at 03:28 PM.
    One little born 1/14

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