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Thread: Young Moms

  1. #36
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    586
    Quote Originally Posted by bostonsavvy View Post

    Milasmom- I don't mean to argue or anything, I just meant that the way it was stated was a generalization, which I am not a fan of. Again, this probably stems from the fact that I have never fit into generalizations. I will be 20 with a baby. I am married. I have no desire for partying, drinking, going out, etc. most of my friends are actually in their mid twenties, I guess because I don't fit on with the 'younger crowd'. I hated high school, hated the drama, hated it all! I used to walk around saying 'I hate teenagers' and every now an then someone would remind me that I was one! Everyone has always called me an'old soul'. That is why I said age is but a number. I suppose you are correct that a large portion of moms in their teens are NOT in any way ready for a child, and in addition are not ready to grow up to take on the responsibility. It just sort of hurts my ego a little when things like this are said, because I am automatically grouped in with all of those negative associations, you know what I mean?
    It wasn't much of a generalisation imo because it was only about the teen moms she met in her young mothers' group. She didn't say "all young mums are like this" she said something along the lines of "the ones I met are." I presume she said that because it was true. It's also interesting that a few people interpreted living with parents and being on welfare as insults, and then told other posters not to insult young mothers. Well, it's not insulting unless you think those living circumstances are offensive in the first place...?!
    Last edited by milasmama; July 5th, 2013 at 01:41 PM.
    Mother to miss Mila Arden and her brand new brother, Cato Bennett

  2. #38
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    816
    Again, I really am not trying to aruge! Just saying that from my perspective, that is how I took it, as a generalisation! No one can meet ALL teen moms in the world. So saying that all the ones she met fall under a certain stereotype IS in fact a generalisation of teen mothers. Anyways, I don't like to make such a big thing over someone's wording. Maybe she meant it that way and maybe she didnt. The fact of the matter is that most people stereotype and generalize about those who fall under categories that can be taboo. (This statement in itsel is a generalization because some people dont do this at all!) Such a teen parents.And teen parents living at home or off of welfare IS looked down upon by society, no matter which way you look at it. Again, speaking in a generalized manner. See? Generalizations are used often. They are not all wrong. All I'm sayin is that there are people who don't fit under them and can get offended by a generalization. Just as you got offended when I said people look down on those livig at their parents or off of welfare. Because you don't fall under that category, and you feel the need to defend that. I was in the same situation. I know I am arguing at this point, and it really is such a silly thing to be arguing over lol!

  3. #40
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    The reasons I (sometimes) judge young mums is not because they choose to have children young. If you want to do all that at 20, fine by me. It's your life and your choices, and I'm not going to stop you. I was raised by a young mum and I turned out pretty good. But in general I think people make better parents when they're "older" (25-40) as they've got more experience, they're actually grown up and they think more (on good and bad). You can't know this until you're older, but there's an ocean of things you don't know yet when you're in your late teens/early 20's, and of course that reflects what kind of parent you'll be. I'm astonished at people who find a partner and marry at such a young age. And adding a child to that, I would not dare. But that's the experience and knowledge age provides.

    Reasons why what young mums refer to as old mums judge them, I think, are two things. The first one is that young mums seem to think everyone over 30 are ancient and that we can't keep up with toddlers. Most people in their 30's I know are in far better shape than most 20 year old's I see. It's also annoying when young mums seems to think it's necessarily a selfish choice "older" mum makes.Not everyone meets the person they want to be with at 18. And if they do, it's likely it will break. Secondly and most importantly: whenever I see a misbehaved, rude, unattended to, snotty, dirty little child, there's a young mum attached to it. They talk on their phones and listen to their iPods while strolling their toddler or pushing them on the swings. they smoke while pregnant, they smoke with their child in their arms, they seem more interested in their chavvy girlfriends than their own child who's crying and throwing tantrums because mummy doesn't pay them any attention. I never see "older" mums behaving this way. There's a nonchalant, I couldn't care less about this little person I made behaviour I find repulsive. I'm not saying this applies to any of the young mums here (I know some of you are wonderful!), but it certainly does to the ones I see out and about where I live.
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

  4. #42
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    816
    I won't bother arguing my point any further. Young mom or old mom, it doesn't matter, so long as you love your little one with your whole heart and care for their needs. I've seen plenty of young moms fail at this, and plenty of old moms fail as well.

  5. #44
    Quote Originally Posted by sugarplumfairy View Post
    I guess that as long as you are happy, emotionally mature, and financially stable it doesn't really matter how old you are when you have a baby. Frankly there are things that can't be postponed (becoming a professional athlete or musician, having a very skilled career — it's difficult to start studing medicine or engeneeiring 10 or 12 years after finishing high school) —*but why should having kids stop you from travelling?? You just have to adapt yourself to your circumstances!

    I do think romanticising 1940's and 1950's America is a dangerous —*surely you realise not all women spent their time playing with children, knitting, and baking pies like Snow White. In those days many woman were basically domestic slaves who went from being controlled by their father to being controlled by their husbands and had to sacrifice personal dreams and tastes for the family and an unattainable sense of domestic perfection (the rich women, at least —*the poor, the minorities, and those whose husband walked out had to had jobs). See also: "The Feminine Mystique". It was a pretty dark age for women. I reckon many men and children were pretty unhappy as well.

    Finally, I think it's neither sensible nor realistic, in the 21st century, to expect a man to financially support you for the rest of your life. (Again, this may be my cultural bias showing —*as I've explained in other posts, in my country being a housewife is very looked down upon.)

    Thank you for all of this. I don't want to be redundant, but I've highlighted the phrases I was waiting for someone to say in this thread.
    Baby girl due September 2, 2013!


    Guilty pleasures: Anastasia Isadora/Isidore Nicodemus Persephone Darrow Opaline Aurelia Chloe Mirabel Camelia

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