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Thread: Young Moms
June 28th, 2013 10:20 PM #11
My mother had me at 38 at my sister at 40. She doesn't want either of us to have kids (she'd rather we put our careers first), but she has told me that if I must procreate to do it earlier than she did. By the time my sister and I were teenagers, my mom just didn't have the energy to parent us like we needed. I'm not saying this is true of all older parents, or even most, but it was true for my mom. I want a large family, and I want to start sooner rather than later -- with or without a partner.Simon, Eloise/Louise/Louisa, Faye, Judah, Thea, Felix, Iris, Cordelia, Roscoe, Lydia, Jasper, Phaedra, Adrian, Lucinda, Jane, Wallace, Finnegan, Sylvie, Charlie, Dashiell, Juniper, Atlas, Matilda, Julian, Alice, Marlowe, Octavia, Jack, Marigold, Archer, Gabriel, Persephone, Raphael, Dov
Just a grad student, dreaming ahead...
June 28th, 2013 10:58 PM #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
Some people are judgmental because they aren't very empathetic. I don't mean in the "feeling sorry for others' misfortunes" sort of way, but in a "putting yourself in another person's shoes" way. It's hard for them to fathom that different people have different wants, needs, attitudes, priorities, and goals in life that are different from their own. Different doesn't mean wrong.
I got married at 21 and my parents' neighbors (I was a nanny for their kids at the time) who didn't get start their families until they were in their 30s couldn't believe I would want to be "tied down" so young. I married my best friend! I certainly didn't/don't feel tied down, or like I missed out on anything. Maybe I'm an old soul, too, but I like reading books and cooking and making art. I can do what I like just as well married, thank you very much!
One of my close friends from grade school frequently posts links to "feminist" articles on Facebook about things like young women choosing not to _____ (enter the workforce, enter traditionally male dominated fields, etc.) are somehow ruining things for other women or taking for granted the work of women who came before us in the feminist movement. I completely disagree with that! The point of feminism, as someone else stated, is that women (and men, too!) should be able to make their own choice about what to do with their life. No one should be forced or expected to marry young and have babies, but neither should they be expected not to! What I'm doing right now, being my husband's wife and our daughter's mother, fulfills me more than anything else ever could. It's my dream. I know it's not for everyone, but it is for me and that's what matters.
It's not that I've never done anything for myself or for my own betterment. I went to college, I have a degree in elementary education, I'm currently working towards a Master's in early childhood special education. I substitute teach on my husband's days off so I can get out of the house and earn some money and he can play stay-at-home-dad for the day. I'll go back to work full-time when our child(ren) are in school, but right now our 1t is only a year old and I'm savoring every moment while it lasts.
June 29th, 2013 12:43 AM #15
I got married at 18, had my son at 20, and am now 22 expecting my second right after my 23rd birthday. I admit, I would not have gotten married, probably if I hadn't had a horrible tragedy befall my family when I was 16 and basically was on my own and homeless after that, but I've been happy with my decision. We are not super rich, pretty poor in fact, but we are renting a nice place, have some savings for emergencies, my son has everything he wants and gets to do fun things, and he makes me so happy every day. This second child is not ideal timing (got pregnant on the pill) as I am just finishing my degree and my husband has still not finished his either, but I'm confident we will still both finish, maybe just a little later than we hoped. When the kids are older and have expensive hobbies we will have more money, but for now toddlers and babies don't really cost as much as people say.
People have judged us all along, but the ones I care about get over it when they see everything is OK. Like others said, many people will find any reason to judge parents.
Last edited by lovewn; June 29th, 2013 at 12:47 AM.My boys <3 Warren and Lee <3
Mary-Hazel, Julia, Irene, Cynthia, Kira, Athena, Oona, Susan, Rosalind, Xenia
Lloyd, Vincent, Gregory, Martin, Gareth, Ian, Xavier, Somerled, Hugh, Thomas
June 29th, 2013 02:07 AM #17
I have been with my DH since right after I turned 20. I got pregnant at 22 by accident, had my daughter at 23, got married at 25, now 26 and TTC #2. So I didn't choose this path per se, but I did choose to keep the pregnancy and to enter into a long-term monogamous relationship early in my life.
I love being a younger mother but am also happy that my kids will have probably left home by the time I'm in my late 40's.
I am not a housewifey type. I am a pretty good cook, but I don't especially enjoy it and my husband's cooking is better. I clean only because it needs doing - actually, we have a cleaner now, but I still tidy up a fair bit. I am going back to study next semester and can't wait - I much prefer a balance between staying at home and doing something intellectually challenging (although being a SAHM is definitely challenging in other ways!) to being a SAHM, which I did for the first 18 months of Mila's life.
I do get very frustrated by the notion that once you have kids, that's it. No more study, no more exciting travel, no more nights out or whatever people in their 20's who don't have kids think they can only do without babies. We're now living in an isolated location but until we moved I had an active social life and plenty of time with my husband. Now we have lots of travel opportunities, which is my other great love in life. Summary of my rant: life does not end when you have babies!
I agree with the point that feminism is about the ability to make choices in life. I identify as a feminist, and I would defend my right to choose this path in life. However, I also agree with the point that these choices did not exist for many women in the 40's and 50's. Therein lies the difference: it's not half as satisfying a choice if it's what you must do, like it or not.Two small people, Mila and Cato.
Atlas Constantine, Atlas Octavian, Abel Caius
Sylvia Cleo, Lyra Penrose Blythe
June 29th, 2013 12:47 PM #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2012
- Adelaide Australia
The door doesn't slam shut when you have children, my lovely neighbor had her three children before 25 and now is a young, energetic grandmother who went back to education and became a nurse. Young mothers have the time and energy for travel etc when their children are grown.
Having said that I was 37 and 39 when I had mine. Good luck with your family!Thrilled to be mother to @gnes Ei1ish Madeline and Fe1icity Bridget Be@trice
If we'd had boys the list was: Godfrey, Seamus, Alexander, Michael, Felix, Peter, Ignatius & Sebastian.