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Thread: Best age gap between siblings
June 24th, 2013 07:58 PM #16
We intend on having our first two quite close together. As in, less than two years apart. Probably TTC #2 when the first is a year old. I think it's good if the eldest can't remember ever being the only child. I was just over two years old when my brother was born and I don't remember at all.TTC #1
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June 24th, 2013 08:24 PM #18Senior Member
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- Jul 2012
My younger sister and I are two years apart. We have very different personalities- she likes sports, camping, and animals, while I like fashion, reading and writing. We both are creative and enjoy art, so that helps us get along more. I would absolutey love to have an older sister, as I am the oldest. I think it would be a lot of fun, maybe one who is 2 or 3 years older than me. She could help with homework, we could go shopping, etc. I am only a teenager so it would be fun. I personally think being 2 or 3 years apart would be best, and when I have kids I don't want more than a 4 year age gap between mine. I would like to have my first around 27, depending on if I am married and financially able to provide for our family. Then my second at 30, and my third at 33. I don't plan in having any more than 3 kids, but anything could change in 10+ years! However, I see the pros and cons of having a small or bigger age gap.Shealah
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June 24th, 2013 08:37 PM #20Senior Member
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- Mar 2012
My kids are 3 years apart, almost exactly. My son LOVES being a big brother and he has since his little sister was born. They fight now, at 7 and 4, but not constantly. Although it probably helps that my son has a different father, and they are not around each other every single day.
My brother is 9 years older than me (too much). My sister is 5 years older than me, which was a HUGE gap growing up and even though I thought she was the best thing ever, she hardly ever wanted to have anything to do with me. Once I hit my 20s, we actually started getting along. I do know several sibsets with gaps less than 4 years and they seem to get along pretty well.~gigi~
June 24th, 2013 10:10 PM #22
It just depends too much on the personalities and interests of the kids... there are no guarantees.
I was actually having this conversation last night with a set of twins, whose older sister is only 1.5 years ahead of them. They think being close in age is a must, and cited a friend who was "so much younger" than her older sister that they felt like they were in different families. I asked, and apparently this ENORMOUS age gap was all of five years - which happens to be how far apart my eldest brother and I are. I tend to think their personalities are what divided them, and the age gap seemed like a convenient thing to blame their issues on, because I've never felt that the five year gap between myself and my brother had any impact on our closeness. In fact, I'm closer to him than our middle brother.
Seems to me parents are best off just doing what works for them logistically. It's okay to make those choices for your own happiness/convenience, you don't need to have statistics and anecdotes to point to.
For me personally, what appeals is the idea of having the first child 3-5 years older than the second (we plan only two). First child will be potty trained, happy to play independently, in school, and able to understand and appreciate the new sibling better than at 1-2 years. Selfishly, as parents we will have had enough time to get past the baby/toddler stage and start feeling nostalgic for it. I can't imagine wanting to delve into infant care while dealing with potty training and the very needy toddler years.
Age and fertility issues trump all of this. We would be best to not wait more than 6 years to complete our family, so if we change our minds about not wanting more than two, we'll have to do it closer together.
Last edited by yellow; June 24th, 2013 at 10:19 PM.One little born 1/14
June 24th, 2013 11:28 PM #24Senior Member
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- Nov 2011
My sister and I are 7 years apart. We never quite connected as playmates, but became close when she was in high school and I was out of the house and out of the state in fact. We became phone friends and eventually lived in the same city for several years. Even the same building at one point! I think no matter what age gap siblings have, it's nice to have someone that fully understands the specific brand of crazy that your family is. My sister and I completely understand each other, have the same sense of humor, the same ethics for the most part, we both cared for my grandmother after she had a stroke, she was my 'doula' when I had my daughter.
My advice is to have your children at a pace that feels right for you- your body, your partner, your finances, ect.
There's no promise that a 19 month age gap will make them best friends or a 3 year age gap will make #1 want to suffocate #2.