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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,042

    Best age gap between siblings

    My daughter will be 2 months in July, my boyfriend and me want to start TTC when she turns 11-13 months so we will have 2 children young and then have third when we turn 30-33(we will see, of course).
    I have just talked to my doc and she says 9 months is the smallest waiting period. I know sometimes you might get pregnant within a year or can't conceive for years but I was just wondering, if everything goes fine with health and BC, what is the best gap between siblings?
    My brother and I are 18 years apart(he is older) and I can't even say it is that good. He was more of a third parent to me as he treated me as his child not sister. He was quite mature, not like your playmate and thus our parents never compared us. Of course he wasn't as strict as mom and dad and we had our own games, secrets but he got married when I was ten and we never were very close since then. I love my bro much and I don't have any other siblings but, honestly, I wish I had a big friend in my family near my age.
    So could we discuss here age gaps between siblings we know so to find out all pros and cons? I guess it was done on NB before but it's such an interesting topic anyway, isn't it?

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,132
    Hehe, tis a good topic From my experience, being close in age wasn't that great a thing. My brothers and I were born within a four year period and we never really got on when we were little. I think it was part personality clash and part boy/girl conflict. It's only now, in the last couple of years, that we've really got better. But we still argue!

    So, my pros of being close in age:
    - Hand me downs! If kids are close in age, there'll be no need to buy a load of new stuff and what you've got won't be rusty, dusty or musty!
    - They always have someone to play with, even if they hate each other!
    - They'll help each other out with stuff. I used to help my younger brother with his homework. He used to help me with my maths.
    - May have one of those insanely good sibling relationships, of which I am very jealous!
    - Once one child goes through school, college, uni etc both you and kid #2 are better prepared and know what to expect- you won't have forgotten.
    - And after they've all gone through the 'destroy the house' stage, that's it. No redecorating your house only to have another child and find sticky fingerprints and crayon marks all over your walls and sick on the carpet!

    And cons:
    - They may not get on and you'll have to put up with 18 years of arguing, tantrums and fights.
    - They may just want nothing to do with each other (particularly if they are opposite genders).
    - Once it comes to university it may get a little expensive. It was when I went and if I had a twin or a sibling closer in age, my parents would've really struggled.
    - I wouldn't know myself, but I can imagine that it's hard on the mum. She mightn't have had as much time with the eldest as she planned. And juggling a toddler and a newborn can't be fun.


    I don't think there is a 'best' age gap, though I would always vote for 'closer together'. As much as I've hated my brothers in the past, I'd rather have our current age gap than have them years older
    William ♠ Thomas ♠ Peter ♠ Henry ~ Rose ♠ Alice ♠ Ivy ♠ Lowenna
    Mowesi ~ Henwyn Kernewek ~ Mebyon

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    Our plan was always to have a 20-24 month gap between our two first children(and probably the ones coming after that as well). I think it's good for the mother to have a year to physically recover from a pregnancy, let's face it, it takes a toll on our bodies. Being able to wear nice cute little clothes, not having to worry about what you put into your body for a while, being able to have sex with your husband without having the bump get in the way... drink more than one glass of wine in one sitting. For less selfish reasons I really wanted to be out of the baby stage before my second pregnancy. Having her weaned off the breast and on to the bottle would've been wonderful before a second pregnancy, I'd also loved her to be able to walk before I got huge. I'd also liked to have her potty trained (at least for daytime, nappies would be fine for nighttime), eating by her self (finger foods and sippycup), walking and talking before the second one was born. A two year-ish gap between the children seems perfect to me; the oldest one doesn't really remember that it was an only child and they're close enough in age to enjoy being around each other (everyone I know who has a sibling this close in age to them are very good friends with that sibling). They learn to share (which is very important) and they've always got a friend at the house, on holidays, on planes... it's wonderful (my sister and I are 21 months apart, so I speak from personal experience). I don't really see any downsides, my mother have always been very happy she did it this way, so it's always seemed like the way to do it for me. I can see the beauty in waiting as well though. My brother is seven years younger than me, and I was the proudest big sister. He was my favourite thing in the world, I loved playing with him, helping out with baths and feeding and changing, just looking at him made my day. But for me a two year gap seems ideal, but this is also because of my age and the number of children I want, I don't have the luxury of waiting five + years between each child.

    I'm having my second before my daughter turns one. It's this far exhausting, and I can't imagine it getting better as the bump starts to grow with the breastfeeding and lifting her up and things like that. I'm very concerned about weaning her, as I want it done before the second one comes along, but I'm not sure if there's any point in it as I imagine she'll want the breast as well when she sees the little baby getting it. The positive thing is of course how close they'll be. 11-ish months apart is basically nothing at all, and I do see the charm and beauty in that.

    And also regarding physical health, if I hadn't been in excellent shape before my Roo pregnany, I'm not sure how well I'd cope with this one. I think it's essential to be in good shape and health before each pregnancy, especially when you have little ones you need to run after and take care of.
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,109
    I wanted to have the second one before Rowan turned 2, but her 2nd birthday is fast approaching in October and we're not even starting TTC yet. So if all goes as planned and I get pregnant this fall, the next one will be born when Rowan is almost 3. I didn't have that much experience with kids before I got pregnant, since I'm an only child, so I never understood how hard it was chasing around a 1 1/2-2 year old. She is 20 months old right now, and it's hard because she can do all the "toddler" things like feed herself, amuse herself, climb all over everything, etc. but she is still too young to know how dangerous things are and she has absolutely no reasoning capabilities. I joke that she is suicidal, because it honestly feels that way sometimes. She tries to jump off the brick steps onto the concrete walkway every. single. time. we let her outside. She falls backwards in the bath tub and flails around like she's drowning. You can't lose sight of her for more than a minute because chances are, she's doing something dangerous or gross.

    I don't know if she'll be better at 3, but she'll most definitely be smarter about life and I can actually reason with her and explain why she can't do whatever it is she's doing. I've also heard a 3 year age gap is the hardest though because the older kid is just starting to develop that "everything is MINE, and I want all the attention" thing and accepting a new baby is difficult because they can't grasp the idea of it.

    So, I think ideally it is better to have kids either very close in age OR 4+ years apart. But we'll see, maybe it will take me longer to get pregnant this time and it will end up being a larger gap.
    My cherished daughter, Rowan Jane. ~b. 10/2011~


    Sawyer ~ Aven ~ Elowen ~ Sage ~ Eilonwy ~ Eleanor
    Morgan ~ Asher ~ ___ ~ ___ ~ Currently trying to fill the blanks...


    Trying for #2 in January 2014.

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    Quote Originally Posted by rowangreeneyes View Post
    I've also heard a 3 year age gap is the hardest though because the older kid is just starting to develop that "everything is MINE, and I want all the attention" thing and accepting a new baby is difficult because they can't grasp the idea of it.
    I've heard that as well. I think it's when they start to realise they're not the centre of the universe anymore, and that's difficult for them, especially if a new baby is brought in.
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

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