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June 13th, 2013 05:23 PM #21
This is always so interesting to me, and I can't speak from experience because I changed my name (my maiden name is super common and boring, hubby's is obscure and interesting, therefore his won!).
I know a family that does it in a way that I think is awesome. The first child got the father's last name as a first name, and all children have the mother's last name. It depends entirely on the names you're dealing with, but that's a really cool option in my opinion.
I also don't see any reason why the father's surname couldn't go in the middle spot instead, and the kid gets the mother's surname. It requires a progressive couple, and I imagine a majority of western men would be resistant to the idea, but it's still an option.
I know these are not options for you, I throw them out for future readers referencing this thread.
For your particular case, you said you were looking for good arguments to add your last name? You don't need a good argument. You want your last name in there, and that's all the argument you should need. This is a matter of respecting wishes as partners or co-parents (whatever the case may be). If you intend to always have your current surname, I see absolutely no fault in wanting to share your surname with your child by hyphenating or otherwise.
That said, I am also in the camp of 'hyphenating is unsustainable.' I would never, ever fault others for choosing that path, I just can see why it doesn't end up working very well in the long run. Two hyphenated kids get married, then what? Four hyphenated names? What if one of them wants to take the other's last name, they take a hyphenated name and pass it on to their children? It just seems unpleasantly complicated for the descendants of the original hyphenaters. Not that I have some sort of progressive, everyone-wins solution, mind you. Girls take mom's name, boys take dads, maybe??
Last edited by yellow; June 13th, 2013 at 05:28 PM.
June 13th, 2013 06:24 PM #23
Rowan has my husband's last name and I don't. I made that decision because his last name is just nicer than mine and it's easier to spell and say. Everyone always says "Huh? Spell that?" when I tell them my surname. I also have my dad's last name and my parents were never married, so I grew up with a different last name than my mom. I don't remember there ever really being an issue, but I think it happens a lot more than people think so they're generally used to it.My cherished daughter, Rowan Jane. ~b. 10/2011~
Sawyer ~ Aven ~ Elowen ~ Sage ~ Eilonwy ~ Eleanor
Morgan ~ Asher ~ ___ ~ ___ ~ Currently trying to fill the blanks...
Trying for #2 in January 2014.
June 13th, 2013 06:25 PM #25Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
- SD, CA
Thanks everyone. I guess in this day and age it shouldn't even be an issue. I suppose it is quite common for moms to have different last names than their children. Of course many women do keep their name when they marry. I wasn't even considering how many moms remarry and take their new husband's name. I am probably looking for practical and logistical issues mainly so that I can justify my emotional problem with having a different last name than my child.
I did speak with my SO, and I told him how I feel. He was upset, but he left the decision whether or not to hyphenate up to me. He thinks that it will just reflect to society that we are not married and that our child comes from a broken home. I told him that absolutely is not what is reflected in a hyphenated name. Anyway, I am just surprised and a little upset that he has such traditional views about last names. He still thinks I should take his name. I really have never been with anyone so conservative, and it is a bit upsetting to me because I am on the progressive end of the societal spectrum in just about every regard. Yet, here we are having a child together. It should be quite interesting...
So, I will be hyphenating our baby's name. Our child can use his or her father's surname alone if it's easier while in school, but I'd like my last name to be part of his or her last name officially and legally. It's what feels right to me.
Thanks again for all your input.Mama to
Desmond Sanders, born 7/2013
and dog son, Lambeau
June 13th, 2013 06:47 PM #27Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
- Humboldt, California
I have my mother's name, and not my father's. And yes, they were together when I saw born though they split about a year later. I did have to explain it occasionally but it was never a big deal. People were just like "oh, okay" and made a note if necessary.
I'd *like* to pass on my awesomely clunky German name down to my kids, but it's not a dealbreaker for me. I'd never hyphenate though. 12 letters and 4 syllables is more than long enough. I might insist on passing my name down if I had kids with someone named Smith/Jones/Johnson etc.Proud furmom to:
Pepper, Kuno, Mia, Rosalind, Gwendolen & Cecily
Elysia Maeve~Marina Isolde~Linnea Violetta~Minerva Sophronia~Merida Ianthe~Eleni Finola
Tiernan Hugo~Felix Lysander~Orion Casimir~Caspian Milo~Evander Anslem~Leonidas Gavin
Cosima Helene & Emrys Jasper
June 13th, 2013 07:22 PM #29Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012