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June 13th, 2013 10:57 AM #11
I don't speak from personal experience but I only took my husband's last name because it sounded better than my alliterative first/ last names. I do, however, know dozens of women here who kept their maiden names or are not married and have had no issues with he fact that their children share their father's last name. Almost every Jewish friend I have kept her maiden name -I live in the Bible Belt so most Christians here are more traditional and change their names- and as in your situation, it's so common for parents not to be married now that it shouldn't ever be an issue as long as you obviously take proper identification for the child when traveling, etc.
Obviously, the emotional aspect of it is something you'll have to decide about but I think it's refreshingly modern for a woman not to feel like she has to share her husband/ partner/ child's last name.
ETA: maybe it helps if you think of the fact that your children will grow up knowing women are independent and their own people and don't have to 'give up' their maiden names if they don't wish to? Not that there's anything wrong with doing so, obviously, but I think that's an easy way to begin instilling a powerful lesson.Mom to 2 girls ♥ Bayard McConnell "Bay" & Marguerite Davis "Maple"
June 13th, 2013 11:05 AM #13
I didn't read all the comments, so maybe this was mentioned, but I read an article recently where a woman who previously didn't want to take her husband's last name decided to do it. The reason she gave was that they travel overseas a lot and having a different last name than her children was causing confusion (not being seated with her children on planes, airport security/customs in other countries wanting her to provide proof that she was their mother since that wasn't clear from the names on their passports, etc.) Depending on your lifestyle, that may be something to consider.
June 13th, 2013 12:21 PM #15
Personally I've never met anyone with a problem. I have a close friend, whose mom did not change her name, they all share their father's last name, and they are very close, loving family. There has never been an issue.
I think there is more of an issue with double barrel names because the child has a longer name to write down and if it's a girl, she could end up with a triple or quadruple barrel name in the future if she decides she wants to add on her husband's name. OR she'll have to choose one and double barrel, or might just give it up completely, and then it's like what's the point?
Personally I think people are too sensitive about last names and it's not really sexist. MOST (not all and depending on country) last name are originally male, it's all about patriarchy. So it's the matter of belonging to your father or belonging to your husband. Which is why I decided to just take my husband's last name, it was easier and it connects us as a family. Last names really mean nothing (imo), they just show who your parents are.
Last edited by catloverd; June 13th, 2013 at 12:24 PM.
June 13th, 2013 12:40 PM #17
My mom remarried when I was 12 and took her new husband's last name. When we traveled as a family I had a different last name than my mom, step-dad and step-sisters, and it was never an issue (though I do not believe we traveled out of the country until I was 18). If I traveled with my family I didn't need any kind of note (so not sure what others are referring to). I believe that a minor does need a note to travel out of the country without her parents. It may have helped that my mom kept my last name (her first husband's last name) as her middle - but I don't remember it ever coming up.
Another anecdotal story which might help - I recently forgot to bring my driver's license to the airport. Airport security looked through all of my credit cards, work ID, Costco card etc. and eventually let me go through without it. I had just taken my husband's last name and many credit cards etc. still had my maiden (which didn't match the name on the ticket). However, it was super helpful that I moved my maiden name to the middle spot (and included my middle name on the ticket) - not sure if they would have let me through otherwise.
Basically, I would just make sure your last name is in your child's name somewhere (whether in the middle or last name spot). Travel officials (and schools and basically everyone) are used to seeing all types of families - I don't think having a different last name will be a problem.
June 13th, 2013 01:53 PM #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
I had a different name from my mother most of my life and my children have double-barreled surnames with mine as the first part. I've never had any problems either way. We travel alot and no one ever questioned us or asked us to prove we were the parents of our children. I don't ever remember my mum having issues either.
Today's society is more used to families not having the same name, but if it bothers you to have a different name than your children then I would d-b.Mum to Mousie, Foo, Bumptious and Pudding.