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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    SD, CA
    Posts
    360

    Issues from not sharing a last name with their child/ren?

    I know that the topic of double barreled last names gets discussed on NB rather regularly, but I am not sure if I've yet read about any real life problems of mothers who don't share a last name with their child or children.

    Here is my issue: I am not married to my baby's father, and I do not ever plan on getting married to him. Even if my mind changed on that subject, I still would never take his last name. It's a long, rather unattractive last name, and I am just not very fond of it. On the other hand, I love my succinct, 3 lettered last name. I was married in the past, and I did give up my last name for my former husband's, but now that I am divorced and have reclaimed my maiden name, I will never let it go again.

    I have gone back and forth between hyphenating the baby's last name or just giving the baby my last name as a 2nd middle. The 2nd middle option is where I had landed with my decision. Until today. It suddenly struck me very strongly that if I don't hyphenate this child's last name, we will never, ever share a name. That really saddened me. Also, I love my family and feel very connected to them. I would love that connection reflected in my child's name.

    Aside from my emotional reasons, are there any issues that any of you have dealt with by not having the same last name as your child? Do you have to take extra steps to prove you are related to your child? Is traveling domestically or internationally more of a challenge? Does it become an issue on forms and documents? Are there other situations that I am not even considering where it may be an issue?

    I'd love any advice that you have. I am definitely considering hyphenating now, and I'd love to be able to give some solid, non-emotional reasons for doing it.
    Mama to
    Desmond Sanders, born 7/2013
    and dog son, Lambeau

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,673
    I can't offer any advice since I don't have children yet, but I'm married and haven't taken my husband's surname (and don't intend to). At the moment, we think our children will have only my husband's surname. I'm not too bothered by not sharing a surname with my children. After all, I'm still their mother regardless of my name. I've considered using my surname as a second middle, but I don't like the idea of hyphenating. I'm interested to see what others say about this topic, particularly if they've experienced difficulties because their surname is different to their child's.
    Audrey - Beatrice - Clara - Daphne - Flora - Jane - Mabel - Susannah

    Arthur - Barnaby - Edward - Frederick - Henry - Rupert - Theodore - Walter

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    1,708
    I think if your last name is very important to you, and it's important to have that connection, then you should pass it on. As for the legal/travel thing - yes, it's more of an issue. I come from a blended family, and to travel it's a bit of a challenge. There are official letters and legal documents involved :/

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    1,708
    Also, I just saw that your name for a boy is Desmond and I had to post again because that's my favourite name for a boy!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,511
    If you're so worried why not just give the baby your last name? In most states there's no rule that says you can't (even if the father is listed on the birth certificate). (In fact in some states you could give the baby an entirely different last name if that's what the parents wanted to do.)

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