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  1. #31
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    Quote Originally Posted by augusta_lee View Post
    My name is part of who I am. It connects me to my heritage and even more importantly to my grandfather, who passed away several years ago. Aesthetically it isn't the best surname ever; it's very traditional, very Jewish, and goes horribly with most of my favorite names. I don't care. My wife or husband can either take my name, keep their own, or hyphenate; our kids will be hyphenated or have my name. I wouldn't change it for the world, and frankly I don't understand women who do.
    I agree with Augs, and also the wonderful Sarah. I have to admit I toyed with it for a brief second after he asked me to marry him. I'd never considered it before, because I didn't want to get married. But I thought about it... Then I stopped. I've always been a feminist; not in the burn your bras kind of way, but in the women are equal and should be able to do what they want to thing. So, yes, if women want to change their surname that's fine. But I personally don't get it. It, to me, is like saying his family, his heritage is more important than mine. I've seen a lot of (in this thread and other similar ones) that it's between taking your father's name or your husband's name. Ding dong, wrong! it's between your father's and his father's surname. Maybe it's because I have a daughter, but I want her to know that she as a girl is just as valuable and that her history is as important as a maybe future hubs. If my boyfriend's surname wasn't so darn pretty and mine so clunky, we'd give my daughter my surname. As for "looking like a family"... I carried her for nine months, she eats off me and if anyone will think I'm not her Mama because my surname is different; well, they'd be so backwards anyway, I wouldn't want to know them.

    We are considering a new surname though, one we both have on our family trees, both from our maternal sides. But we'll see, it might be too much of a hassle as my man works under his surname, but he doesn't mind having an artistic and a private name.
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

  2. #33
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,709
    Quote Originally Posted by dindlee View Post
    It's a personal preference thing. I know women who have and haven't. No judgement either way. It's wonderful to live in a world where we have the choice now.
    Yes, this exactly. I bear no grudges against someone who doesn't change their name. Just like if someone chose to become a golf-playing, globe-trotting, monster-truck-driving, vegetarian palaeontologist who names their kids Gillian & Michael- whatever. I can understand why, I just don't choose to do it myself. It's not so much in this thread, but I've seen this discussion on other sites where girls have been castigated and strongly criticised for taking a different name, which is sad. This is personal bias now, but I don't think it's backward or regressive at all and I can perfectly understand why a woman would want to change her name- what's so confusing about it? I don't think that people should be lambasted for their choice of sticking with tradition

  3. #35
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,433
    I changed my name. I didn't think I HAD to (and my husband never asked me to), but I wanted to. I love my maiden name, but it's nearly unpronounceable to anyone who doesn't know French and I had had so many hassles with it over the years. That was . That alone didn't make me want to give it up, but it made the decision easier. I'm glad I had the choice, and I would never tell anyone what choice to make.

    I didn't feel like losing my maiden name made me lose myself or my heritage because my maiden name is only one part of my family. I identify with my mom's heritage and my dad's wife's family who have always accepted me as one of them, despite not sharing a name with either family, so why should not having my maiden name remove the connection to my dad's family? My middle name is also a family name from my dad's side, so that is a strong connection I still bear. Meanwhile, my husband does not have strong connections with most of his family, and they all live on the other side of the world. He's been very much alone for nearly two decades, so I love the idea of becoming his family in name as well as in practice.
    Miriam ~ Helena ~ Estella ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Alice ~ Marilla ~ Sarah
    Paul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel

    Trying for baby#1
    Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova

  4. #37
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,433
    Just wanted to add: Where I live, you have a choice between a legal name change, and assuming your spouse's name, whereby you can change your documents (licence, passport, health card, etc.), but you keep your original birth certificate and it's less hassle. I assumed my husband's name; the whole idea of changing my birth certificate made it seem like I was never born before I got married - creepy!
    Miriam ~ Helena ~ Estella ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Alice ~ Marilla ~ Sarah
    Paul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel

    Trying for baby#1
    Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova

  5. #39
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    3,065
    I would change mine, mainly because my maiden name is too similar to an animal that isn't the most pleasant of associations. Not terrible, but not something you necessarily want people to think of when they're calling out your name (think 'cow'). But I have considered, if my future husband has a surname that's even worse than mine, maybe we'll just drop both of them and pick one we like and change both our names, probably one from our family tree somewhere so we still have that family connection.....
    Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. ~George Eliot

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