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Thread: Taking your husbands name?
June 8th, 2013 07:45 AM #6
I have some insight on this as I have done it two ways. First you should know that I have always loved my maiden, it is part of my identity, and it is now used as a girls first name (ranked between 500-1000 in 2012).
The first time I married I kept my middle name and hyphenated my last name and my husbands. This made for a long, unwieldy last name that was a bit odd because it was an Irish name, hyphenated with an Italian name. I decided to use my ex husbands name though because I knew I would have children with him and wanted to share the last name.
When I divorced I went back to my maiden name and even though my son had a different last name, I felt I had my identity back. People stopped assuming I had Italian heritage,and asking me about growing up as an Italian American. I no longer had to deal with a 17 character last name. My sons having a different name has never mattered.
When I remarried, I assumed I would just keep my maiden name. But it mattered a lot to my husband that we would be Mr. and Mrs. W not Mr. W and Ms R. So I decided I would drop my middle name and keep my maiden name as my middle name. I use a shortened version of my first name and my maiden/middle as the name I usually go by. This has been the best solution for me. I have both my identity in tact and the unity with my husband that I enjoy.I like simple yet versatile names that work well for the athlete, the comic, the genius, and the judge.
June 8th, 2013 09:13 AM #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
To me, it seemed like a choice between my father's name and my husband's name, so I didn't much care. Either way, the patriarchy wins, right? I told people that ideally, I would just go by one name. It works for Madonna, after all.
Anyhow, I ended up keeping my maiden name for the first couple of years. I was just too lazy to deal w. the paperwork, honestly. Then we moved states (from FL to CA) and my husband told me that he wished that we had the same last name, so I said, okay, cool. I have to get new ID anyhow, I will just switch it. I planned to move my maiden name to my middle name and take his last name. However, the SSA office told me that I would need a court order to do this. So I just kept my middle name (which I like more than my maiden name anyhow) and took his last.
The funny thing was that before I took his name, people used to find out that I had kept my name and they would tell me how terrible this was. I got comments like, "Don't you love your husband?" and "Are you planning to eventually divorce him?" Then I took his last name when we moved to CA and people would find out that I had taken his last name and they would tell me how terrible THAT was. They said things like "What happened to your identity?" and "Does he let you vote?"
I don't think that most people have such extreme opinions on this. But I figure that the people who would say anything are going to be the ones who feel very strongly.
For me, I did not really care what my last name is. I still don't care. I am glad that it makes my husband happy for us to share a last name. I would not say that having different names would necessarily make things difficult w. kids, but in our case, we are of a different race than our son. So it does help, I think, that we all share one name in terms of proving that we are actually his parents.
I did return to school after changing my last name and the one benefit that I noticed was that my maiden name is a late alphabet name. My married name is an early alphabet name. So I got called sooner for things in school. So that was nice, after a lifetime of being called near the end. His last name is also easier to pronounce.
June 8th, 2013 09:29 AM #10
I changed mine. And here are my reasons:
1) no attachment to my maiden name - it's not really mine to begin with, it was my father's and his father's, etc...
2) wanted all our children to share the same last name
3) hyphenating would be WAY too long and a pain to write down
4) husband paid all the bills and a full time job so it would be too much work to change his last name and...
5) I wanted us both to share the same last name
I used to think of it as kind of sexist, the man never taking the woman's name, so that's why I was on the fence at first, but when you think about it, you never really "own" your last name, it belonged to someone else (unless you made up your own, I would have loved to do that, but DH was not a fan of the idea) so to me last names aren't that big of a deal as people make them out to be.
June 8th, 2013 09:43 AM #12
I changed mine to my husband's but kept my maiden name as my middle name. I didn't hyphenate. When I went to the SS office to change it, I just scrapped my old middle name (Rosemary) to make room for my former last name.♧ our little finnegan alexander is due 11.23.15 ♧
June 8th, 2013 09:53 AM #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
I took my husband'd last name: Toon, because it practically gave me a brand name. I'm a professional cartoonist/caricaturist, and illustrator, so having the name K**** Toon was too good a chance to pass up. Technically I did also keep my maiden name, I just added it on after my original middle name.Married since June 2007, expecting our first child on Christmas Day, 2013
Darcy ~ Rowena ~ Hazel ~ Lorena ~ Leona ~
Eames ~ Miro ~ Bradbury ~ Duval ~ Marshall ~