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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    I think most women kind of weigh the pros & cons of both. I took my husband's name even though it's spelled differently than it sounds, it's long & awkward with my first name...but I didn't feel much of a positive emotional connection to my own last name which isn't even the name of the people who raised me.

    One thing that I really wanted to do was to smush both of our surnames & make our own last name but I didn't even come close to convincing my husband of that idea!! I thought it would be so much more fun than an awkwardly long hyphenate. In the end, I just dropped me easy to say & spell surname that had emotional baggage anyway. And yet I still don't fully feel his surname is my own many years later!

    Good luck! Hopefully you figure out what works best for you!

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,841
    I started a thread like this a few months ago: http://nameberry.com/nametalk/thread...after-marriage

    Ultimately, I decided to keep my maiden name. My husband isn't very happy about my decision, but, I just couldn't bring myself to change my name. I use his name only occasionally (for example, my name on Facebook is Sarah Maidenname Marriedname). When we have children, they will have my husband's surname. Like Alzora suggested, I considered changing my name, but using my maiden name on a daily basis, but it's confusing at work, for example, when you insist on being called one name, but your bank account and superannuation details are in another name. For me, aesthetics were never a consideration. I was surprised when most people suggested the only reason not to change your name was because it sounded bad. The main reason I chose not to change my name was because my name was an important part of my identity. I'm not very concerned with having the same surname as my children. They'll still be my children no matter what our surnames are!

    If I was in your shoes, I'd consider hyphenating. Obviously, you would like to change your name, but the aesthetics are bothering you. With your surname in between your first name and your husband's surname, maybe your whole name will sound nicer?
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  3. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    140
    I'll share my experience since I was sort of in the same situation. I never particularly liked my maiden name (funny sound and spelling) but the older I got without getting married, the more attached I became to it. But my husband wanted us all to have the same name, so I initially was quite happy to take his. And then I started to think about it. My first name is Andrea. My husband's last name starts with the same first 4 letters! And is also 3 syllables. Talk about alliteration! Every time I say it, people give me this look - aw how matchy matchy cute!

    So, anyway, I live in Ontario where (I'd guess) 99% of women who change their name can assume the husband's last name (e.g. change driver's license and health card, maybe take husband's name socially but keep maiden name professionally) but not legally change their name (birth certificate stays with your maiden name). I had always planned on doing that, but my profession is the one and only that requires a legal name change (i.e. birth certificate needs to be changed). I was pretty sad about this but I wanted to have the same name at work as at home so this is what I'm doing. I changed my birth certificate when I sent away for our marriage certificate, and just yesterday I went to the government office to change my driver's license and health card.

    I still have many more places to change it, and it really is quite a hassle. I feel very conflicted about the name change. On the one hand, I am happy to be a Mrs. A - his family is wonderful and I'm happy to be a family unit with the same last name, but on the other hand, it was odd to give up my last name for 29 years. Sometimes I wish I had made my maiden name a second middle name. So when I can, I plan on going by Andrea T A, at least until I've gotten used to being Mrs. A.

    Sorry for the long ramble, it feels good to share! Good luck with whatever your decision is! And congratulations on the engagement!

  4. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    3
    I've still got some time to think about it. We aren't getting married until next summer. The more I think about it, the more I want to just get over the fact that my first name clashes, and take his last name. My current last name isn't great--it's difficult to spell and pronounce, and I often hear it pronounced very similar to a certain piece of lingerie. His last name is in the top 20 most common surnames in the country. The only thing that is keeping from being 100% sure that I want to take his last name is how badly it clashes with my first name. His last name means "son of ______", and my first name is a feminized variation of "______". I already have two middle names, so I can't really add my maiden name onto my middle name. If I take his last name, I'll most likely use my maiden name as my middle name. This is so complicated!!

    And thank you for the congratulations!
    Engaged to the love of my life, not yet trying to conceive

    Possible daughters: Lena/Lina, Grace, Genevieve, Zoe, Eleanor "Leni", Estelle "Stella"
    Possible sons: Elias, Levi, Daniel, Hayden, Grayson, Liam, Flynn, Asher, Gabriel, Moses

    Furry children: Cash the black lab, Joker the boxer

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