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June 6th, 2013 06:15 PM #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
Sharing Names With Family Before Baby Arrives
The other day I was talking to my mom about a friend of mine who has chosen a name but decided not to tell anyone.
I completely understand this. If I love a name, I wouldn't want the input of friends and family telling us that they don't like it or that it should be something else. However my mom was very strongly opinionated in the other direction. She said she thought that was ridiculous and can't stand when people do that!
Now I am sort of torn. When we start trying for baby number 1, part of me says I'd love to have my mom and close family discuss names with us. I would at least want both of our parents to like it... They have to use the name all the time too! At the same time I could see it going very bad and no one liking any of the names we chose! Then being frustrated and settling on something we both don't really love!
What do you all think about sharing names before baby arrives?
June 6th, 2013 06:55 PM #3
Good Lord, no! When I'm pregnant, the only person I will discuss names with seriously is my husband. I've heard plenty of horror stories about family or friends hating name choices and attempting to change the parents' minds about names they've chosen. Also, stories in the other direction, such as buying personalised gifts for the baby before it's born, but the parents change their minds at the last minute (and feel less able to choose a different name given that everyone has pretty much already christened their baby). I think that, once a baby is born, people are less likely to try and interfere with naming choices. Having said that, I will discuss names with my mum (and already have), but once we make our final decision, I won't be telling her until the baby is born. I probably won't ever tell her that we've definitely decided because I think the waiting would kill her! I'll tell her we've narrowed it down to a top five and we'll decide for sure after I've delivered (a lie, but she won't know that!).
I know two people who have told everyone their baby's name (and gender, obviously) before birth and there were no surprises left when they finally delivered. The birth was an anti-climax. I want to surprise everyone, close family and friends included!
Last edited by sarahmezz; June 6th, 2013 at 06:57 PM.~ Mother of Violet Elizabeth Rose ~
FUTURE DAUGHTER: DAPHNE, JANE OR SUSANNAH
FUTURE SON: EDWARD, FREDERICK OR HENRY
June 6th, 2013 07:07 PM #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
In my opinion (as someone who hasn't had a kid) I'd save your top two or three for yourself, just in case. I've heard so many stories about an expecting couple gushing about a name they love to someone who seems totally uninterested in the name, and then a couple months later that uninterested person is all "Oh look what we named our child!" and it's the name the first couple had been gushing over. It just seems too risky, especially if it's a less common name or if you've really got your heart set on it.
I know my siblings are blabbermouths about things, so if I were pregnant I'd be worried they'd tell everyone else what names I was thinking about and suddenly a bunch of people would use the same names. I realize I don't have that much influence on the world, but a few years ago when my sister was pregnant she asked about what names I liked and at the time I was in love with the name Eden on a girl...within a few months of that conversation I suddenly heard of like 10+ babies that had been named Eden. Where I hadn't heard any in my area before, and the names hadn't been on the SSA list at all (so there couldn't have been more than 5 any year). I realize it's ridiculous to assume that all of those kids were named that because I said it and it somehow got back to their parents, but it feels that way, and it still makes me a little sad when I think about it.
If it were me, I think I would tell my family a few of the names I liked, but the ones I wasn't quite as in love with, and then just add that I wouldn't be fully sure until I saw the baby, or something. That way no one is like "You named her Alice?! But you said you loved Jane!" and they'd still feel included in the process? But I also have a crazy supportive mom. I could name a kid Blueberry and she'd just gush about how sweet it was even if she secretly hated it. Whereas my siblings would take over and be like "Just hand me the birth certificate and pen and I'll pick the name for you since I hate everything you love." So your relationship with your family is probably something to consider.I hope to be a mom one day. For now I enjoy being a name lover.
My apologies for any typos; i post from my mobile phone.
June 6th, 2013 07:13 PM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
Oh my gosh! What a great question/thread. I think you have to know the kind of people you and your SO are, and you have to know the kind of people your family members are. For example: I knew if my MIL really hated a name we selected, she would convince my husband to change his mind. And my husband was so noncommittal about names in the first place, I didn't want to take any chances. Also, I know I'm very traditional when compared to other Berries, but within my own family, some of my names are considered 'out there.' It was o.k. with me if certain family members hated my son's name, but I certainly didn't want to know about it beforehand. My SIL and brother used MaryHannah for the first born, and shared the name early, and OMG, the response they got was horrific. After watching it happen, I knew we made the right decision for us.
June 6th, 2013 07:17 PM #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2012
I chose not to discuss baby names with anyone except my husband, let alone announce it in advance. We also didn't say "we have a name but it's a secret" because we didn't want to deal with badgering about it. I didn't want anyone's opinions or input, and I didn't want to set it in stone in case I changed my mind (which I did!)