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June 6th, 2013 07:37 PM #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
In my opinion: except in extreme circumstances (your house burnt down and the baby stuff you already had was too damaged to salvage, the current baby is coming 20 years after the last one and you threw out all your baby stuff long ago) it's extremely tacky and poor etiquette to have a second (or third, fourth, whatever) shower. Miss Manners would roll over in her grave!
The actual point of the baby shower is to give the parents the baby essentials (and, actually, is still considered by some to be a tacky practice, as it started out as a way to help parents who were too poor to take care of their own baby); after the first shower, you should ideally still have your baby essentials. You have the crib, you have the tub, and the bottles, etc. and you should be financially stable enough that you can pay for your own kid's diapers and clothing.
Having your friends throw you an informal, gifts-welcome-but-by-no-means-expected is entirely acceptable. Having a baby shower with a registry or where gifts are encouraged? The height of tackiness! Sadly, tackiness is becoming the norm these days. It's even becoming the norm for a woman to throw her own second/third/whatever shower, complete with registry.
I've been invited to several second baby showers, and each time it was excused as an "acceptable" breach of etiquette for a ridiculous reason, like the second child was a girl when the first was a boy...oh no, your poor darling daughter might have a blue bottle instead of a pink one. How utterly horrifying.
First baby showers are fine, to me...I prefer that they be modest gatherings of close friends/family and not the giant greedfest that they have turned into. But however a first shower is planned isn't really my say. A second or further shower is just so classless. :/I hope to be a mom one day. For now I enjoy being a name lover.
My apologies for any typos; i post from my mobile phone.
June 6th, 2013 07:52 PM #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
Not a fan. I would usually RSVP no, but there are some exceptions of course...
1) baby #1 is like 10 years old and/or baby #2 is with a different partner so it's their first.
3) there is no registry and it's specified that no gifts are expected.
4) see above and add that it's truly a surprise.
5) the shower is thrown by a group of people who weren't in your life for baby #1, ex. mom is new in town
I guess it's OK if it clearly isn't a greedy grab for presents. It would be really sweet if a mom who wanted to celebrate baby #2 did so with a benefit for a children's charity. That way everyone gets together to see mom pregnant, but it's super clear that it really isn't an attempt to stockpile stuff for yourselves. I'm sure you would still get a few gifts too! It could be really nice to send a donation in your future child's name to help less fortunate babies!
June 6th, 2013 08:03 PM #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
If you really do have a lot of stuff that you need and not a lot of money I suggest consignment shops & thrift shops for baby #2. You should be able to pare down your list of essentials since you have parenting experience. If you really want a gift shower maybe you could make a list of the stuff you need and ask for secondhand & upcycled gifts only.
June 6th, 2013 08:30 PM #22
If the OP had wanted opinions on second showers only from people who approve fully of the 'tradition' of showers in the first place, she would've stated such.
Last edited by yellow; June 6th, 2013 at 08:33 PM.
June 6th, 2013 08:39 PM #24
Just as wedding/bridal showers + wedding gifts were meant to help a new couple get started, as they were moving out from their parents' and in with each other as adults for the first time. This is no longer the case. Many marrying couples have already been on their own for years, or even living together, and have everything they need. Bridal showers, in that case, are simply gratuitous. Lingerie showers for the purpose of silly fun, sure, why not. But showers full of kitchen utensils and linens?
Baby showers to me are the same. For very young, first time parents who are not financially able to gather all the supplies they need (though one may argue why are they delving into the expensive world of child-rearing if they can't handle a bit of baby gear, but I digress...) a shower is a very different thing than for more established couples who CAN afford what they need, they just would rather others purchase it for them.