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June 6th, 2013 04:45 PM #11
To be honest, that's somewhat dismissive (my hormones are taking it into 'patronizing' territory, but I'm sure you didn't intend it that way). I don't mean to come across as argumentative, I just don't want this point of view to be written off as something to the effect of "silly young yellow, she doesn't have the life experience to put showers into context."
I believe it's relevant to say that we are 28/29, in a high-cost-of-living region, still working on getting ourselves established in competitive career paths, and expecting a surprise baby. It's not like I'm a teenager who doesn't know better and has no intention of having kids for years, or for that matter a wealthy 30-something who's been TTC and planning ahead. We are doing okay, but having and raising a child will most certainly be a budget-conscious affair for us.
I already went through the whole shower shebang with our wedding (5 years ago), and felt the same way about it then but sucked it up because my mom wanted to throw us a shower goshdarnit. So she did, and I went, and there were lots of gifts, and... as I thought would be, it was uncomfortable. Being able to graciously accept others' spontaneous generosity is QUITE different from having to say "hey! Come to my party and bring me gifts!" then sitting there and opening them in front of everyone, trying to pretend that I didn't tell them exactly what to buy via registry anyway.
After that, we listed "no gifts, please" on our wedding website and set up a couple of registries that people could find if they really felt like it. Some people gifted, some didn't. We accepted graciously and thanked those who wanted to give a gift, and didn't think twice about those who didn't want to or couldn't.
Like I said, "if people feel compelled we won't refuse, but I want there to be no chance that people feel obligated." That is at the heart of my feeling about showers. It would be convenient to have others gift us all we need, but I don't feel that's a justifiable reason to send out invitations asking people to give us gifts. I know some will anyway, and we'll be grateful and gracious in accepting totally non-compulsory gifts.
My husband and I are somewhat extreme minimalists and know exactly how little you need for infants, and since I have 10 years of nannying experience under my belt I know how much of the stuff parents accumulate goes to waste. The parents I've worked for have been on either side of the shower debate, but all agreed that too much stuff was a burden. We calculated how much the absolute necessities would cost us (and in the grand scheme of things, it's not all that much -- especially if you purchase secondhand via craigslist which is better for our planet anyway), and have begun putting away what we can toward that expense. Our parents have graciously offered to help us with bigger ticket items, and I don't know where we'd be without their generosity!
Last edited by yellow; June 6th, 2013 at 08:34 PM.
June 6th, 2013 04:48 PM #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
- Los Angeles
My first shower was a total bust. My cousin who was supposed to plan it totally dropped the ball and I ended up doing most everything myself at the last minute. None of my family showed up. They weren't exactly supportive of my unplanned pregnancy. I got a few nice gifts from my friends but all-in-all it was a downer.
When I became pregnant again, everyone wanted in on another shower. I was hesitant.
I ended up with 2 different showers this time around. One thrown by a friend here in LA, and one thrown by my SO's mother in SF. Both yielded a TON of gifts. Mostly clothes. This girl is set for the first year in outfits!
It makes me kind of sad that Rowan didn't have the same support before. But she is so loved by everyone now. I think people just felt a bit of guilt and wanted to overcompensate a bit this time around now that the situation is so different and my SO and I live together and there is a lot less drama.
Overall, I think it depends. If you know the gender and it's a different sex than the first I think it's a good idea to have another shower. Also if the kids are born several to many years apart and you didn't keep anything from the first time you need to re-acquire the stuff for the new baby.Mama to ~Rowan Josephine 1/12~
and ~Teagan Dahlia~ 5/13~
June 6th, 2013 06:09 PM #15
A different gender might call for a "sprinkle" IMO. Other than that, I personally wouldn't be comfortable with multiple showers at all. And honestly, I would not attend multiple showers of a friend/loved one either. It's not something that is done in my circle of peers, so I doubt this would ever be a problem.
That being said, I DO make it a point to celebrate each baby that is born in my family with a new, handmade gift that generally take hours and hours to make. (I knit and crochet stuffed animals and blankets.) Not being keen on multiple showers doesn't mean I'm greedy or indifferent to a new baby coming into this world. It just means I don't like being thought of as a "gift" and nothing more. And let's be honest. We've all known enough young brides, mothers-to-be, and graduates to know that buying an acceptable gift is the only reason some people are interested in sending you an invite. Note I said SOME, not all. I've even been privy to som young ladies who had the audacity to complain that gifts they received were not what they registered for.... Gasp! It's all left a pretty sour taste in my mouth.bio: Raphael David, Ignatius Peter
fostering: M & J
Saved for Later:
Rosemary, Susannah, Nazareth, Georgia, Theodora, Fawn
Ulysses, Thaddeus, Laszlo, Woodrow, Leopold
June 6th, 2013 06:57 PM #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
Yellow- didn't mean to make you feel dismissed. However, the name of this thread is "What do you think about a SECOND baby shower?" (paraphrasing a bit.) Not, "What do you think about baby showers in general?" Just wanted to state the obvious.
June 6th, 2013 07:01 PM #19
Just a cup of tea and a few laughs with friends.
Last edited by sarahmezz; June 6th, 2013 at 07:08 PM.~ Mother of Violet Elizabeth Rose ~
FUTURE DAUGHTER: IVY OR JANE
FUTURE SON: FREDERICK OR HENRY