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June 5th, 2013 10:08 PM #6Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
I agree that it feels greedy and awkward to have a second, third, or fourth, etc. baby shower. Here's my situation: I had my first 3 babies in CO, but both my husband and I were born and raised in SD and went to CO when we were 18 and 21. Two years ago, we moved back to SD and now I am expecting our fourth. I have NO expectations or intentions of having another shower, but our families are SO EXCITED that we are pregnant and since they never got to take part in showers when we lived in CO, they went to have one for us, but it's awkward. I don't want to burst their bubble, but really maybe it should be like what I have heard they have in the south, a "Sip and See". Where they just come and see the baby and drink punch and wine. It's really not about the gifts, but the social side of it, the bonding and possibly game playing. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation?
June 5th, 2013 11:39 PM #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
We also do something in the South called a "sprinkle" for subsequent babies. You know, a shower for the first, a sprinkle for the second... It is generally much smaller and lower key than a shower.
@mommakyra, I totally get that it feels awkward, but if your families want to do this for you, I would just go along with it. It makes sense seeing as you've been away for a long time and they haven't gotten a chance to do this for you. You can stress to them that you have all of the baby gear that you need so that they won't load you up with baby swings and bathtubs and stuff.
June 6th, 2013 12:31 AM #10
Heh, I suppose I may get flamed for this (and for the record, I FULLY concede that I'm in a small minority on this one), but I'm reading through people saying a second shower with a registry and everything is like asking for gifts...... How is that different from the first shower? I can get behind the logic that the tackiness is 'worse' the second time around, but not that it's totally wonderful and fine for the first shower but horribly tacky for the second. There's a convenient disconnect going on here, like we feel entitled to asking for gifts in the first place.
I've made it EXTREMELY known that no one is to throw us a shower. We may throw a party for the sake of the party, but we will request there be no gifts, and we won't have a registry. The baby is our choice and responsibility, and we shouldn't feel justified asking others to subsidize it. If people feel compelled we won't refuse, but I want there to be no chance that people feel obligated.
That said, I wouldn't judge someone else harshly for a first or second shower if they wanted one. I just don't want one for myself. Lets just be clear: a shower is ALWAYS asking for gifts, that is the definition of a shower.
June 6th, 2013 10:01 AM #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
Yes, absolutely, a shower is always asking for gifts. That is the whole point, to "shower" the new parents with gifts. This is exactly why a second (or third, or fourth) shower seems greedy to people. The new parents have already been showered with gifts. And now they want more gifts!
I agree w. you that if you have a child, that is your decision and others are not obligated to subsidize that choice. But I will also say that people LOVE giving gifts for new babies. We bought or accepted hand-me-downs for all of our baby gear. We were adopting, so no one knew quite when to throw us a shower, and we certainly didn't ask for one.
After our son came home, our friends asked if they could please throw us one. We said, can we just have a party, no gifts? But everyone really wanted to bring gifts. They felt hurt that we would not want gifts. I wonder if there are cultures where no one brings gifts for a new baby? I don't know. It seemed like a cultural imperative for people. Anyhow, they ended up throwing us a book shower, and it was great, and we learned a lot about graciously accepting people's generosity.
June 6th, 2013 04:08 PM #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
Yellow, I had to smile reading your post. There was a time in my life when I felt exactly like you did. And now, after having a baby, and being thrown 2 baby showers in the process (one in the town where we currently live and one in the town where I grew up) and I can tell you how wrong I believe I was.
Most people (not all) have babies at a time in their lives when their finances are being stretched. Maybe you just put a $30,000 down payment on a house, maybe you and your spouse have college debt to pay off, maybe you just changed your job and you have to start at the bottom of the pay scale again. My point is, the best time to have a baby biologically speaking, isn't usually the best time to have a baby financially speaking (unless you are very, very lucky.)
And Tarynkay is right! People love to give gifts for babies. And being able to accept help/generosity/gifts from others is a concept all new parents have to adjust too anyway, trust me. (You might as well start with a baby shower!) I think it is a lovely way allow people to connect with you and your new baby. (However, also something not to be taken advantage of either.) You can say 'no gifts' all you want to, but some people will still bring them, and then those that don't, will feel bad about that.