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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Newport, RI
    Posts
    151

    Naming when you aren't into it?

    This will probably get nasty, and I totally deserve it. I've posted on here a few times, looking for boy names. The thing is, I am having a lot of pretty serious gender disappointment. I have girls, I wanted another... badly. I didn't realize how badly until they told me it was a boy. I've been unable to pin down a name list at all. I can't even come up with a handful of names I love.. or even really like.. or even ones I think I may like.

    I know I don't have to name the baby at the hospital... but I also know that it can be a pain with social security paperwork and whatnot, plus it's just strange.. how do you tell people "Oh, the baby is nameless"?

    I just think that my inability to find a name is from the gender disappointment, since I have been unable to purchase anything either. How do I get around this? My husband is no help because he says he refuses to pick a name knowing I"ll just dislike it forever or that I'll hate the sheets he buys. I can't possibly be the only person who has had this happen. Any ideas?
    Mom to:

    Gretchen Sofia
    Cordelia Violet

    due July 2013

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    670
    Gender disappointment is a very real thing and a normal reaction. You are not disappointed you are having a son, rather mourning the daughter you thought you were having.

    There is such a taboo around this and it makes women who suffer it feel worse than they already do. There is no need for that.

    It does NOT mean you don't love your baby or make you any less of a mother and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You just need to get used to the idea.

    You need to get yourself excited about having a son. When you think of the wonderful things about daughters, imagine the ones you already have, and not missing the one you aren't carrying.

    If left untreated GD can turn into postnatal depression and you may end up resenting your son for it. Try to get used to the idea of a boy, and get excited about it, and if you don't, please speak to a doctor about it because those feelings most get worse when he arrives if you don't deal with them now.

    As for names, what are the names of some men who inspire you. Family, friends, books, movies? What Are their names? Think about that, and go from there.

    If its any consolation to you I too had a gender preference, I was convinced my daughter was a boy and after being sad for about 10 minutes about the son I would not be having, I got over it, and was thrilled to have a daughter. I too hope this baby is a boy but having mothered a daughter, I know all the fantastic qualities little girls have and how rewarding and fun raising a girl will be, so I'm not scared to have another girl. I will love my child regardless so having a slight preference does not make me less of a woman or parent.


    Mama to Amelie Clara (2008) & Daisy Madeline (2013).

    Alice Tallulah, Polly Matilda, Rosalie Faye, Lucy Annabel, Maya Lillian, Hazel Kate, Eva Blossom, Juliet Lila, Ivy Camille.
    Charles Joshua "Charlie", Theodore Samuel "Teddy", Elliott Daniel, Noah Zachary, James Oscar, Arthur Philip, Rowan Isaac.





  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Newport, RI
    Posts
    151
    Thanks for your kind reply. I do see a therapist because I've gotten post partum depression each time regardless. It hasn't helped with getting excited though. It's nice to hear from someone who had some level of gender disappointment. I'd assume it happens more often that people are willing to admit, perhaps not to this degree (I found out 12 weeks ago and am just as upset as the second I found out). My doctor says it often goes away at birth, but by then the baby will be nameless and have an empty nursery. It was hard for me to name my girls, so I could never just go to the hospital without any ideas... they wouldn't have had a name at all.

    I don't really have any men who inspire me (or women, I suppose)... I know we wouldn't do family names as we aren't close to either. I love my husband, but neither of us like his name (first or middle). I've been over a zillion name lists it feels like, and nothing really stands out. Anything I "like" I end up disliking an hour or a day later. There hasn't been anything that really spoke to me.. it was mostly names I thought were "okay", which is disappointing, as I love my daughters' names and I'd like that same experience.

    I realize that in a few months, this will be over... the gender disappointment, hopefully the depression.... it's just hard to function in it right now and I know I have to, I just don't really know how.
    Mom to:

    Gretchen Sofia
    Cordelia Violet

    due July 2013

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    Depression sucks. I think the most important thing now is to get excited about the baby. Try not to think of the gender, just a happy, healthy, pink, fat, cute, button nosed little bundle who loves you more than anything else. Start to prepare the nursery for that little baby, you don't need to get boyish things. Little bunny lights, sweet stuffed animals, a cute mobile. I love nature colours, and they work for either gender. Gorgeous greens, reds, yellows (babies love colours!). Boy things doesn't need to be harsh and un-fun. The same goes for clothes, buy sweet nature coloured things. Maybe it will make you more excited when you start the nesting?

    My aunt and uncle spent four months trying to name my cousin. And I have one friend (who also has two girls) who just had a son, and she cried for one week straight after she found out she was having a boy. She said it was because she knew how to raise girls, she had all the clothes already, and with a son it would be different. The thing is sons are often much more affectionate towards their mummy for longer than daughters are. All the people I know who have girls and boys say there comes a time when the girls become less cuddly, but the boys stay that way for longer. More kisses, more hugs, more I miss you mummy's and I love you mummy's.
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    I understand completely. I was lucky enough to get my baby girl, but I had guilt over not being all, "I don't care what it is as long as it's healthy" on the inside! I know that if she had been a boy I would've gone through this as well. My lack of interest in boys extends to boy names. I don't get excited by them, I merely find some OK or tolerable. I like John best because it feels neutral & unfussy.

    The up side is that you do have your two girls, and this is a new experience. Who knows, you might get really into having a boy! Or you could always raise him very gender-neutral and not push him into traditionally masculine activities if attending them bores you. I don't know what aspect of boy rearing you aren't into- for me I just thought of proms & weddings & ballet classes vs football and knew I wanted a girl. The truth is, we have no idea who our children will turn out to be. Your girls could be tomboys, your son could be a fashion designer, my daughter might never marry or elope so there goes my wedding dress dreams! It will be exciting to meet your son and it will be a totally new experience!

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