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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Newport, RI
    Posts
    151

    Naming when you aren't into it?

    This will probably get nasty, and I totally deserve it. I've posted on here a few times, looking for boy names. The thing is, I am having a lot of pretty serious gender disappointment. I have girls, I wanted another... badly. I didn't realize how badly until they told me it was a boy. I've been unable to pin down a name list at all. I can't even come up with a handful of names I love.. or even really like.. or even ones I think I may like.

    I know I don't have to name the baby at the hospital... but I also know that it can be a pain with social security paperwork and whatnot, plus it's just strange.. how do you tell people "Oh, the baby is nameless"?

    I just think that my inability to find a name is from the gender disappointment, since I have been unable to purchase anything either. How do I get around this? My husband is no help because he says he refuses to pick a name knowing I"ll just dislike it forever or that I'll hate the sheets he buys. I can't possibly be the only person who has had this happen. Any ideas?
    Mom to:

    Gretchen Sofia
    Cordelia Violet

    due July 2013

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    671
    Gender disappointment is a very real thing and a normal reaction. You are not disappointed you are having a son, rather mourning the daughter you thought you were having.

    There is such a taboo around this and it makes women who suffer it feel worse than they already do. There is no need for that.

    It does NOT mean you don't love your baby or make you any less of a mother and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You just need to get used to the idea.

    You need to get yourself excited about having a son. When you think of the wonderful things about daughters, imagine the ones you already have, and not missing the one you aren't carrying.

    If left untreated GD can turn into postnatal depression and you may end up resenting your son for it. Try to get used to the idea of a boy, and get excited about it, and if you don't, please speak to a doctor about it because those feelings most get worse when he arrives if you don't deal with them now.

    As for names, what are the names of some men who inspire you. Family, friends, books, movies? What Are their names? Think about that, and go from there.

    If its any consolation to you I too had a gender preference, I was convinced my daughter was a boy and after being sad for about 10 minutes about the son I would not be having, I got over it, and was thrilled to have a daughter. I too hope this baby is a boy but having mothered a daughter, I know all the fantastic qualities little girls have and how rewarding and fun raising a girl will be, so I'm not scared to have another girl. I will love my child regardless so having a slight preference does not make me less of a woman or parent.


    Mama to Amelie Clara (2008) & Daisy Madeline (2013).

    Alice Tallulah, Polly Matilda, Rosalie Faye, Lucy Annabel, Maya Lillian, Hazel Kate, Eva Blossom, Juliet Lila, Ivy Camille.
    Charles Joshua "Charlie", Theodore Samuel "Teddy", Elliott Daniel, Noah Zachary, James Oscar, Arthur Philip, Rowan Isaac.





  3. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    758
    Quote Originally Posted by pinkballerina View Post
    Gender disappointment is a very real thing and a normal reaction. You are not disappointed you are having a son, rather mourning the daughter you thought you were having.

    There is such a taboo around this and it makes women who suffer it feel worse than they already do. There is no need for that.

    It does NOT mean you don't love your baby or make you any less of a mother and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You just need to get used to the idea.

    You need to get yourself excited about having a son. When you think of the wonderful things about daughters, imagine the ones you already have, and not missing the one you aren't carrying.

    If left untreated GD can turn into postnatal depression and you may end up resenting your son for it. Try to get used to the idea of a boy, and get excited about it, and if you don't, please speak to a doctor about it because those feelings most get worse when he arrives if you don't deal with them now.

    As for names, what are the names of some men who inspire you. Family, friends, books, movies? What Are their names? Think about that, and go from there.

    If its any consolation to you I too had a gender preference, I was convinced my daughter was a boy and after being sad for about 10 minutes about the son I would not be having, I got over it, and was thrilled to have a daughter. I too hope this baby is a boy but having mothered a daughter, I know all the fantastic qualities little girls have and how rewarding and fun raising a girl will be, so I'm not scared to have another girl. I will love my child regardless so having a slight preference does not make me less of a woman or parent.
    I totally agree. And I know, for a woman sometimes naming girls is so much more fun. I don't have a lot of boy names I like, and don't get as excited talking about boy's names as I do about girl's names. I hope to have more girls than boys, really.

    Cordelia and Gretchen are your daughter's names? There are so many nice names (interesting names too) that go well with these names:



    But for now, don't concentrate on the name. Mourn the daughter you won't be having, and get yourself used to and excited about having a son. You've had two girls, now a boy, and really that's kind of nice. I'd like to have 2 girls and 1 boy, really. And what strawberry_fields said about her son still giving her flowers? That's just darling. You can raise your son to be a gentleman that respects women, and that's such a great opportunity (because lets face it, we really need more guys who are "true gentleman" and don't get mad at a girl for rejecting them).

    Talk to a professional as well, and THEN after you've come to terms with your boy, look for names. And like pinkballerina suggested, look into male figures/heroes/characters that inspire you and your husband.
    Last edited by liviajoan; June 8th, 2013 at 06:44 PM.
    aurora- autumn- ashwyn- bambi- bernadette- calliope- emmalou- henriette- indigo- ione- january- lark- leela- llewellyn- lydia- marnie- molly- narnia- noelle- oralee- penelope- philomena- rain- raven- roxy- ruby- snow- tessa- thora- waverly- willow- winter- wren- zoe | abel- aesop- angus- banjo- bartholomew- bear- bruce- burkley- darwin- elliot- finn- flynn- foster- henry- indigo - knox - laszlo - lyle - navy - nemo - noah - otis - oakley - rainn - thatcher - thomas - thompson - titus - zen

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Newport, RI
    Posts
    151
    Quote Originally Posted by liviajoan View Post
    I totally agree. And I know, for a woman sometimes naming girls is so much more fun. I don't have a lot of boy names I like, and don't get as excited talking about boy's names as I do about girl's names. I hope to have more girls than boys, really.

    Cordelia and Gretchen are your daughter's names? There are so many nice names (interesting names too) that go well with these names:



    But for now, don't concentrate on the name. Mourn the daughter you won't be having, and get yourself used to and excited about having a son. You've had two girls, now a boy, and really that's kind of nice. I'd like to have 2 girls and 1 boy, really. And what strawberry_fields said about her son still giving her flowers? That's just darling. You can raise your son to be a gentleman that respects women, and that's such a great opportunity (because lets face it, we really need more guys who are "true gentleman" and don't get mad at a girl for rejecting them).

    Talk to a professional as well, and THEN after you've come to terms with your boy, look for names. And like pinkballerina suggested, look into male figures/heroes/characters that inspire you and your husband.

    I don't really have much time to get excited. I only have a few weeks to purchase everything and find a name, if that. I don't know how my health problems will impact my delivery, or if it will make me go early or if it won't affect anything at all. I've spoken to a professional and honestly, I left feeling worse (I had another appointment Friday and it really upset me). His position is that my cancer is no big deal, gender disappointment is no big deal, and everything will "work itself out". I'm of the opinion that things don't "work themselves out" unless you help yourself, which I'm trying to do.

    I can't really think of any male figures/heroes/characters that inspire us that we like the name of. I do like Thaddeus that you suggested, though. I have compiled a brief list, a few posts up. I don't know though. Some days I feel okay with those names and some days I hate them all.
    Mom to:

    Gretchen Sofia
    Cordelia Violet

    due July 2013

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Newport, RI
    Posts
    151
    Thanks for your kind reply. I do see a therapist because I've gotten post partum depression each time regardless. It hasn't helped with getting excited though. It's nice to hear from someone who had some level of gender disappointment. I'd assume it happens more often that people are willing to admit, perhaps not to this degree (I found out 12 weeks ago and am just as upset as the second I found out). My doctor says it often goes away at birth, but by then the baby will be nameless and have an empty nursery. It was hard for me to name my girls, so I could never just go to the hospital without any ideas... they wouldn't have had a name at all.

    I don't really have any men who inspire me (or women, I suppose)... I know we wouldn't do family names as we aren't close to either. I love my husband, but neither of us like his name (first or middle). I've been over a zillion name lists it feels like, and nothing really stands out. Anything I "like" I end up disliking an hour or a day later. There hasn't been anything that really spoke to me.. it was mostly names I thought were "okay", which is disappointing, as I love my daughters' names and I'd like that same experience.

    I realize that in a few months, this will be over... the gender disappointment, hopefully the depression.... it's just hard to function in it right now and I know I have to, I just don't really know how.
    Mom to:

    Gretchen Sofia
    Cordelia Violet

    due July 2013

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