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Thread: Naming when you aren't into it?
June 6th, 2013 10:25 AM #36Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Newport, RI
I don't think I'll be missing out on anything. I just have never been around little boys except in very small quantities of time (I have two nephews that live across the country) and when I have been, it was nonstop climbing on furniture, running around, screaming, throwing things, just absolute craziness. I grew up with only sisters, so my experience with boys is very limited. My only memories of boys growing up were that they were the ones always in trouble at school and acted like they were raised in barns with burping and nonsense. Do I realize not all boys are like this? Of course. Do I realize there are girls like this? Definitely.
I also hated the idea of a boy much more after people were deliriously happy that I didn't get another girl. It was apparently just really fantastic for me to not get "what I want". That's when it started to slide downhill for me. To the point to where I've stopped contact with certain family members all together because I just don't want to hear about it ( I mean, really, who says "Yay, we win!" when someone else is disappointed? And at first, that's all it was, a mild disappointment.).
The depression over it started when I got diagnosed in April and had to have surgery and whatnot. It just went from annoyance that everyone was thrilled at my perceived misfortune to depression about the entire pregnancy and situation in general.
So, no, it may have nothing to do with names and decor items, though truly, I haven't found anything I like. I have lists of names I don't hate, but at this point, I wouldn't actually use any of them. If I went into labor today, I'm quite confident he'd come home unnamed.
I am deeply appreciative that I haven't been flamed too horribly over this. I'm well aware that it's ridiculous, but if I had any way to force myself to not feel this way, I definitely would. No one wants to be miserable while pregnant. You're supposed to be excited and in planning mode and counting down the days, not actively avoiding the planning and counting. I'm also aware that this is likely a manifestation of depression moreso than anything, but it's still very difficult for me to do what I need to do.
I would stop shopping and looking at names if I had the luxury of time on my side. I don't, though. I think that taking a break for a week or two and then forcing myself to do it all in one week or two would result in much more stress... and likely absolutely no decisions made.
As far as doing plain onesies and plain decor, that's probably what I'll have to do, which, I mean, I don't think anyone thinks is cute. It's boring, but there's nothing really wrong with it. We will have to use the nursery though from day one, there's just really nowhere else for him to be (there's no room in our bedroom for a bassinet or anything and we don't co-sleep). I hate the idea that it will just be a bare room.
If my girls decorated the nursery, it would be filled with pink and ruffles and princess Probably best not to let the 3 and 4 year old decide home decor!Mom to:
due July 2013
June 6th, 2013 10:31 AM #38
I hope you begin to feel better soon. Being pregnant is not always the joyful experience everyone tells you it will be. It can be very taxing on the body (and mind!).Girls: Anna, Caroline & Emily / Claire, Maeve & Rose
Boys: James, Luke & Patrick / Jack, Kyle & Liam
June 6th, 2013 10:41 AM #40
I have no personal experience with gender dissapointment but my MIL has shared her experience with me previously, I hope I share her story correctly.
When she was having her 3rd baby she wanted a girl in the beginning of her pregnancy but convinced herself it was another boy to avoid dissapointment (she already had two sons) by the end of her pregnancy she was terrified of having a girl and refused to think or talk about the possibility. On both sides of the family there were no granddaughters, only grandsons, so the pressure from family was also intense.
When the time came for her to have her baby she needed a c-section and on the way to theatre her husband asked her "What if it's a girl. What will we name her?" She had no idea so he suggested a name and she agreed to it as she honestly believed she was having a boy.
Once baby was born and the doctor told them they had a daughter she felt crushed. Dissapointed that she didn't have a 3rd son but also ashamed with herself that she wasn't excited to finally have a baby girl. She told me she spent the first week pretending to be happy, but crying every time she was alone with her baby girl. Once they got home from the hospital she had started to adjust to having a baby girl and realised that a baby is a baby no matter the gender. After a month whenever she held her baby girl she didn't understand why she had ever felt so dissapointed. She loves her daughter as much as she loves her sons.
What you're feeling will pass, maybe not the minute you hold you baby boy but eventually it will pass. For now why not focus on getting the essentials ready, enough outfits for the first few weeks, somewhere for baby to sleep, diapers and just leave the rest until after the birth. Maybe meeting your baby will inspire you and help you decide on a name, even if it takes a few days. The nursery decor can wait, the baby won't know any different.
Goodluck, I hope things are on the up for you soon.The 3 Princesses in my life...
June 6th, 2013 11:05 AM #42Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
How old are your daughters? Maybe you could get them more involved and bask in the delight of being the mother of two little girls getting ready for a baby brother. They might love to help pick out a name, nursery patterns, etc.
(That said, the nursery patterns are for the mom, not the baby. If he has a safe place to sleep, a couple packs of of boring white onesies to wear, and a mother to feed and take care of him he's going to feel like the luckiest baby in the world. And really, the onesies are optional.)
June 6th, 2013 11:19 AM #44
I'm not a mom, although we'll hopefully be TTC next winter. So I can't relate much about gender disappointment, although I can understand how hard it must be for you. However, I am the proud aunt of 3 boys and 3 girls. Although there are some minor differences between the girls and boys, I should say that those differences are a millionth of the variation between each child. I have one nephew who loves butterflies, reading, and cuddling. He could not stand to have dirty hands or clothes, to the point that he'd often sit and have a good cry over the dirt. He also cared quite a bit about what he wore, and loved to dance. He is friends with all the neighbourhood kids, but his best friends are girls. His sister, on the other hand, is extremely energetic and independent. Whenever there's a fight between the kids, we know she probably started it. She's always running around doing dangerous things and getting in trouble. So as hard as it is, remember that there aren't 2 teams, "girls" and "boys", there are individuals.
I haven't been baby clothes shopping since I've been in China, but I used to help my mom shop for the nieces and nephews. I personally love suits on boys, or as Blade said, mini-adolescent clothes. I've never been a fan of baby baby clothes. We used to pick up suits, overalls, bowties, etc. from very unlikely places, including The Children's Place, TJ Maxx, and Burlington Coat Factory (I remember them having a really good selection). We also ordered quite a few from Etsy. If you're quite tired, you could turn it into a game for your husband and daughters... they could go as a team and pick out their 10 top items in under some set amount of time. Before you send them, try to have a discussion with your husband about what kinds of things you like or dislike. Even if you only get 1 item, it'll be fun for them... and not so stressful for you. As for the nursery, I agree with pp about a neutral theme. My sister-in-law did woodland creatures, which was quite cute. I'll probably do vintage sock monkeys (not the cartoon ones :P, as they remind me of my grandparents), a motif that can be continued regardless of the gender of the younger children.
Anyhow, I hope you feel better!INTP Anthropologist Living in the centre of China, married to a Persian, and just enjoying a completely unpredictable life
Emiliana Pari 郑煜曈 '14
Currently stuck on girls
Names I love, but cannot use:
Soren Pasha, Caspian Bardia, Caspar Siavash, Elias Rostam, Simon Kasra
Valentina Parvaneh, Rosalind Tala, Viola Katayoun