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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    2,035
    I like pinkballerina's suggestion...just tell people you're not finding out. That way you get to enjoy your secret and you won't have anyone hounding you for hints. We've done that with the name, just act like we're still deciding so no one feels left out or bothers us for info.
    mom to livvy jozefa 7.10.13

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,667
    I have a friend who did this. She said part of her motivation was not wanting to get a lot of silly girly presents, and having the excitement of a secret.
    I found it really frustrating honestly. They knew the name but they weren't telling, they knew the gender but they weren't telling... I saw the sweetest baby-sized hand-embroidered dress with bloomers that I wanted to buy her, but my hands were tied because I didn't know the gender. At the time, it felt somehow alienating. I wanted to be involved in her journey into motherhood, and she really isolated during pregnancy in other ways - the gender-secret thing was just one manifestation of that.

    Basically, if you decide to keep the gender a secret from your family, I think the energy of how you do it is important. Make it fun, not exclusionary. Be generous about it. Knowing the sex of the baby isn't the most important thing to your friends - it's just one way for them to share in your experience. Invite your friends who have children to give you advice about birth and parenting, ask your family for help when you need it. Receiving gifts well can be an act of generosity, and pregnancy is a time when people want to help and ask how you're doing and show their love for you.

  3. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    362
    Emmabobemma- you made some excellent points, ones I had not considered before. Thanks for sharing.

  4. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,533
    My husband and I are planning on doing this. We definitely want to know, but we don't want to tell everyone so there's a surprise. A couple of years ago, a co-worker's wife was pregnant. Everyone knew they were having a boy and naming him Caleb. When the announcement came that they'd had the baby, everyone was like, "What did they have...? Oh, wait. What did they call him...? Oh, wait." Nobody knew what to say. There was no surprise, so the birth was kind of an anti-climax. Our plan is to find out, but tell everyone we don't know what we're having to avoid people trying to get us to slip up or tell them. This choice comes from wanting to find out what we're having, as well as my past experiences of pregnant women telling everyone what they're having, which made the whole experience less exciting from my perspective as a friend. We may tell our immediate families, but only if they want to know. For example, we'd say something like, "IF we decide to find out the sex, would you want to know?" If they say yes, we'll tell them. If they say no, we'll say we decided not to find out either
    Last edited by sarahmezz; June 5th, 2013 at 08:28 PM.
    TTC #1

    Alice - Beatrix - Clara - Daphne - Flora - Harriet - Mabel - Susannah

    Arthur - Barnaby - Edward - Frederick - Henry - Rupert - Theodore - Walter

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    489
    I've chosen not to find out my baby's gender, and my family has given me a hard time about that...I don't even know, but it's still "not fair" to them and I'm "being difficult". I can't imagine if I knew and didn't tell them, they'd be relentless and unbearable!
    Lillian Elizabeth 6.16.13

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