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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    816

    Help With Timeline!

    Tonight my husband and I will be talking about a timeline for having kids for the first time. We've talked about it a little but last night decided we should reevaluate.

    I am so nervous about the chat! We are both young and I know he wants to travel as do I. On the other hand I also know he wants kids very badly! We got married last summer and are coming up on one year here. So of course I want kids very badly. I just don't know what to plan for! Saving for travel or saving for a house to settle down in! I WANT to travel, I WANT to have kids! Just can't have both at the same time! I feel like by the time we save up and travel to a bunch of different places, it will be a good 5 to 8 years down the road. Since we are young that woul be fine and we could totally have kids afterwards. But then It could take years to actually conceive and I just don't think I can wait that long! I'd like to have kids in the next few years! Any ideas of things to being up or discuss with my hubby tonight?!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,960
    Ok, I don't have experience with this myself but my own view on 'timelines' is based on the experiences of close friends and family. Several of them have prioritised having a career and travelling the world before settling down to have a family, because it seemed like a good idea when they were in their early 20s and felt that they had years ahead of them. Most of them ended up single and childless in their late 30s/40s with little hope of a family, though a couple had kids in their mid 40s. It just kind of bugs me the way that people plan children. A little planning is always good with kids, but when the prospect of children is treated like booking a hair appointment- that's what gets me.

    Personally, if I and future husband were in your position, having a choice between saving a little to settle down or saving for a holiday- I'd pick settling down, no hesitation. I'm not massively into travelling though. If I were the type that thought seeing the world was more important than kids, then I'd save for that. Travelling with children isn't too bad though, from experience. And I know a couple with two cheeky little monkeys, aged 5 and 2, and they've been all over Europe and are currently somewhere on the US west coast! The kids have had loads of fun!

    So, I know it's not black and white or 'if you do one you can't do the other', but here are some points for consideration: What's more important to you personally- children or travel? Couldn't you travel with kids? How would you feel if you found you couldn't have children after travelling? Could you not have kids now, save a little over the years then go once they are older/leave home? What if you chose to save for travelling, then 5 years down the line something happens and you lose the money/need it for something more important? Finally, I always use the deathbed argument myself: lying on your deathbed, which would you most regret not doing?

    Good luck with your chat tonight. Both are exciting prospects!
    William ♠ Thomas ♠ Peter ♠ Henry ~ Rose ♠ Alice ♠ Ivy ♠ Lowenna
    Mowesi ~ Henwyn Kernewek ~ Mebyon

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,340
    We put off having kids to finish our education - both my ex and have advanced degrees. I wanted to be financially secure before having children. I had my son at 32 and have never had any regrets about waiting. As you can imagine, most of the people in social circle waited at least until 30 to start having kids. No one I know has any regrets about waiting. (The only ones who couldn't have kids when they wanted were a couple who didn't even get married until their late 30's/early 40's.)

    I think the best way to think about this is to consider what kind of parent you want to be. Do you want to be a young parent with alot of energy but not as much financial security? Would you be a parent with regrets if you feel like your sacrificed opportunities because you had children too soon? Do you want to be a more worldly parent with a variety of cultural experiences to share with your kids?

    Also consider what your prospects are? Based on your education and occupations, how long will it take you to save money for travel? How long would it take to save for a house? Can you save for both at the same time? What do you want to be able to give your kids - would you want to send them to private schools and have money for expensive after school activities? Would you want to be at home with your kids when young? At what point, would you be able to comfortably do that?
    I like simple yet versatile names that work well for the athlete, the comic, the genius, and the judge.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    540
    It probably will not take you years to conceive children. If you are young and healthy and have no issues that you are aware of, you will likely conceive quickly. You are reading these forums and there are a disproportionate number of women who have struggled or are struggling w. infertility (defined as failing to conceive after a year of regular unprotected sex.) But keep in mind that only about 10% of couples are infertile. Obviously it is a possibility, but the odds are in your favor. I just would not want anyone to make a decision to have a baby NOW out of fear of not being able to have a baby later.

    This might not apply if you live in Boston, or another high cost of living area, but it is possible to save up, buy a house, and then travel. If you do live in a high cost of living area, it may not even make sense to buy a house at all, renting might be better financially.

    It is even possible to travel after having children, though its logistically more difficult. People do it, though! People take babies to Europe and toddlers to Asia all of the time. I admire those people from a distance, myself. But all kids are different, and I am sure that some of them travel really well.

    Right now, we have a one and a half year old and the only place we really want to travel is to see family so we can have something of a vacation courtesy of helpful baby-hogging grandparents. Some of our friends are getting married in a massive six day Indian-Serbian extravaganza in Serbia this year and as much as we wish we could go, it is just not going to happen. If you have family you are comfortable leaving your children with, you could even travel without kids later on. I mean, probably not a six-month long backpacking tour of Nepal, but maybe a week here or there. And someday your kids will grow up and leave and then you can do whatever. My parents just went to Costa Rica. They zip lined through the rainforest! They are in their sixties! Sixty is the new thirty, I guess.

    Travel can be cheap, too. We did more of the cheap variety- backpacking through Europe, camping through National Parks, that kind of thing, The young, dirty, possibly slightly dangerous type. We loved it and we are glad that we did it. Some of this I would do w. kids, maybe once they are out of diapers. But maybe that doesn't interest you and you would prefer luxury cruise liners? Perfect way to travel w. kids. They have whole staffs of people just to help w. kids!

    You may also be thinking, but we don't have the money for that! Probably you do not right now, you are young and just starting out. But you will likely have more money later- you will get raises, your husband will get raises, you will maybe invest or something. Just stay out of debt, and you will be fine. Check out some frugality books if you need help w. these things. Don't spend a lot of time worrying about who is right, they all mostly say the same stuff. Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman- whatever. They are all going to say things like track your money, live below your means and don't get into debt. This is the best possible advice, no matter what you end up deciding to do!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    816
    Very good points to ponder! I am so torn. On the one hand. Yes we are young. But that doesn't mean we would be bad parents. I think I had the happiest childhood I could ever have asked for. My mom had me when she was twenty. I grew up in a small apartment. When you're a kid you don't know the difference between a mansion and an apartment as long as you are loved! I never went without anything I needed, and usually had most of the things I wanted! I know my husband and I would give our children a happy life no matter what. And yes I'm young but staying home and raising children is something I would love to do. As of now I work as a nanny and I love it! I would love to settle down now. On the other hand. I feel like we are OBLIGATED to travel. Perhaps we would have some regrets if we never did. My mom is just now traveling, because she never got to, having me so young. My concern is not that I think we would never have kids if we waited and traveled. My concern is the waiting period and me getting impatient about it being so long before we can have kids!

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