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May 31st, 2013 04:35 PM #25Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
I agree that you can never really be ready. But I also think that it is extremely important for your boyfriend to feel ready enough. Don't pressure him into something he isn't prepared for. Having a baby will not magically make him happy to be a father. Sometimes it works that way, but I have seen it not work that way at all, and that is really awful to see. If your boyfriend is reluctant, I would talk to him about why he doesn't feel ready. Where does he want to be in life before having children? Maybe he has career goals or life goals that he wants to accomplish before becoming a father. That is legitimate.
If it is more a matter of him just being nervous around babies, start babysitting together. Offer free babysitting for all of your family/friends w/ kids.
I am not making any judgments about whether you are married or not. That is up to you. Some people do not believe in marriage, that is fine. But if you plan to be married, I would urge you to do that first. If he isn't ready to commit to marriage w/ you (and he does want to be married eventually) he is not ready to be the father of your children.
I really believe that children are a blessing whenever they arrive. BUT if you have the luxury of planning for them, that can make things much easier. A good first step is a post-baby budget. Draw one up with your boyfriend. There are baby-expense calculators online that can help you do this. How much money will you need? Where will it come from? Do you have health insurance that will cover maternity? How much extra will you need to pay for health insurance for your little one? You mentioned that you will be able to take your baby to work with you. That is great, but if that becomes impossible to do, what is your Plan B for childcare? How will you pay for that? You don't need to be rich, but you do need to be in agreement regarding your budget and financial goals. And babies do not have to be expensive, but what I have learned is that they are unpredictably expensive.