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May 22nd, 2013 09:46 AM #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I wouldn't do it. How could I, as a mother, possibly choose between my babies? The guilt would be with me forever, and I would always mourn the baby that would never be. I would feel selfish, as though I were choosing between my children, picking which ones I wanted to keep and which ones I didn't.
I'm a religious Catholic and I believe that what's meant to be, will be. If I get pregnant with twins, or triplets, or more, and they are born with defects as a result of me not terminating one or more of the babies, well that is the path that has been given to me. I will of course feel guilty about the quality of life my children will have as a result of this but I would hope they would understand that I couldn't choose between them and their siblings. If having a disabled child is what is meant for me, then I will do my very best as a mother to love and care for that child as I would another.
Having said all this I would never judge another couple for choosing this option. It just simply isn't the right option for me.
I'm also pro life but believe we should all be able to make our own decisions. I don't agree with terminations personally but I agree that each woman should have the decision terminate a pregnancy if they wish, everyone should have the choice. It just wouldn't be my choice, if that makes sense.
Mama to Amelie Clara (2008) & Daisy Madeline (2013).
Alice Tallulah, Polly Matilda, Rosalie Faye, Lucy Annabel, Maya Lillian, Hazel Kate, Eva Blossom, Juliet Lila, Ivy Camille.
Charles Joshua "Charlie", Theodore Samuel "Teddy", Elliott Daniel, Noah Zachary, James Oscar, Arthur Philip, Rowan Isaac.
May 22nd, 2013 10:01 AM #8
I'd also like to say that when using IVF especially, people should only implant the same number of embryos as what they'd be okay with birthing and raising. Do not implant four or five embryos if you only want one baby.** The opinions expressed above are not meant to be reflective of Nameberry as a whole but are my opinion and mine alone. **
Henry Nathaniel (3) and Julia Paige (1)
Bennett - Emmett - Felix - Oliver - Owen - Preston - Samuel
Abigail - Claire - Clara - Hope - Lydia - Maude - Molly
May 22nd, 2013 12:35 PM #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
Having been in the position of expecting and planning/budgeting for one and seeing at the first ultrasound that it was 2 I can understand what I shock it would be, even more so with 3, 4, +, but it never crossed my mind not to have both babies, and I don't think it would have even had we seen 4 babies at the ultrasound. (which would have been an even bigger shock since we don't have any twinning in our families, let alone quadruplets!)
I can see both sides. Instinctively I think it is a terrible thing to selectively reduce a pregnancy, but having gone through a twin pregnancy I have some insight into the extra demands on the mother's body that multiples incur as well as the increased risks to the babies, and if after talking to her doctors a woman can't carry multiples, I could understand her choice to reduce the number of embryos. I have joined various communities of parents of multiples and heard some heartbreaking stories about complications and have dramatic life-long effects that deeply change the lives of the families in to which these children are born. But I don't think any one I have met, even in quite drastic cases, actually regrets not reducing the pregnancy. There is still so much joy and love in their lives.
I don't think you can make a 'right' decision in this case. No mater what choice you make there is the potential for negative consequences. The only thing you can control is what the pp said: if you are having IVF, don't implant more embryos than you are willing to birth and raise. (Not that all multiples are IVF, but that is the only way you have any semblance control.)Mama to twin boys Oliver Graham and Luke Axel
May 22nd, 2013 12:58 PM #12
I am not a mother yet, but hoping to be one day soon. I could never selectively reduce if I had multiple babies in my womb. Echoing what some previous posters have mentioned, I would never be able to live with the guilt of that kind of choice. Although extremely difficult when put into reality, I believe that whatever will be, will be. While generally I'm a bit of a feminist, I don't think this is an issue of women bring oppressed by not being given a choice about their own bodies. You are making a choice for another human being.....choosing who lives and who dies. While I can't imagine being in a situation where I find out I'm carrying quadruplets or something (that would be terrifying), I also struggle to imagine pointing at a screen and saying "remove that one and keep that one...".
I am most likely going to be starting fertility drugs soon after a lot of tests and general infertility issues. These drugs do have a slightly increased chance of multiples. In the back of my mind, that possibility is there. Yet, I know going in that whatever life will eventually grow in me, I will protect and value from day one.TTC #1
May 22nd, 2013 01:17 PM #14
I strongly disagree with selective reduction.
Do not implant more embryos than you are willing to carry.
I can not imagine having a conversation with my child at any age where I explained that I "reduced" one of their womb-mates and kept them.Olivia/Livia/Livy/Liv : Thessaly/Darah/Bethel : Noelle/Eve
Benedict/Eli: Jude/Zane: Luke/Darius : Levi/Phineas/Calvin