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May 23rd, 2013 01:34 PM #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
Remember Anne of Green Gables? They were going to return her to the orphanage b.c she wasn't a boy!
Interestingly, I read a study referenced claiming that most Americans still prefer biological sons. Sorry, I don't remember even where I read this, so I'm not going to claim that this is accurate. But yes, even with domestic adoption, people prefer to adopt girls. It is possible to specify sex when adopting newborns privately (though you generally wait much longer) and most people who do specify girls. Some agencies have started discouraging families from specifying boys v. girls, even in international adoption, b.c there are so many waiting boys. We did not specify sex when we adopted, and we won't in our next adoption, either. Neither of us has ever cared about having sons v. daughters, and we'd be happy with all boys. Or boys and girls, whatever.
May 23rd, 2013 02:12 PM #28
I think boys are feared as more 'damaged,' that behavioral issues will be worse with boys, that school performance will be worse, and the risk of autism/ASDs is higher. There is a mythos surrounding girls-- especially internationally-- that since some cultures have a strong preference for sons, perfectly healthy & normal girls will be given up/abandoned purely because of their gender, whereas any boy that's given up must have something really wrong with him.
Domestically conduct disorders are higher in boys, and troubled male adolescents are feared to be worse than troubled female adolescents in terms of criminal activity and the like.
My sister is absolutely willing to take any waiting child as long as their special needs wouldn't overwhelm them (two first-time parents who both work full-time). I'll ask her about this special-focus list. Can you tell me more about it?Blade, MD
XY: Antoine Raphael (3.1.2012)
XX: Cassia Viviane Noor (11.30.2013)
May 23rd, 2013 03:05 PM #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
Here is a website that features some of the shared list children: http://www.nohandsbutours.com/
They also have a list of commonly seen special needs with links to families who adopted children with those needs. This is all specific to China. Obviously, your sister has you as an invaluable source of medical information, but it can be helpful to see what caring for a child w. specific needs is like for other families and also to have the opportunity to connect w. those folks and ask them questions.
Your sister's agency should also have an agency specific list of waiting children that they can access. I am no expert, all I know comes from being a bystander to the adoptions of friends. But I believe that what happens is that China sends out lists of children to all of the various agencies and the agencies refer from that list. The shared list is for children that they are finding it harder to place- I guess that they would be sent first to specific agencies, and if they are not chosen, then they go to the shared list.
May 24th, 2013 12:27 PM #32
I am not sure why but I've noticed that in Morocco the gender situation is reversed: girls are rarely given up for adoption, it's nearly all boys.Mother to miss Mila Arden and her brand new brother, Cato Bennett
June 24th, 2013 05:52 PM #34
I'm only 19, and do not see myself seeking to adopt for another 5-8 years, but it is something that I believe I would like to do. Of course, it will greatly depend on my future husband's feelings about the idea. I would like to do a private domestic adoption, and if at all possible, have it be an open adoption so the birth parents can have a relationship with the child they allowed me to care for. However, I would only consider an open adoption if it would be best for the child. I wouldn't want them being around someone with a drug/alcohol problem. I do not foresee myself having any issues TTC, but I want to adopt regardless.
There is a lady I know who recently adopted her second son. The couple does have issues with fertility. She found out she would be getting her first son 21 days before he was born (2 years ago). The birth mother chose this couple and they were able to leave the hospital with the baby a couple days after he was born. She found out on the 5th of this month that there was another lady who was considering them to adopt her baby. The baby was due the end of this month, but made a surprise appearance only ten days later. They also got to take this beautiful baby home with them from the hospital. Now, it took a little while (I'm thinking 1-3 months) for the adoption to be finalized, but they were able to keep the baby with them. I hope everything goes as smoothly with #2.