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Thread: Adoption

  1. #16
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    Jan 2011
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    @leadmythoughts Thanks for the clarification!

    @catloverd- Do you mean that you would wait the nine months of a pregnancy and then the prospective birth mother would change her mind? Or do you mean that she would change her mind nine months after the child is placed with you? If the first, most agencies do not match families until the expectant mother is in the third trimester. Some will match earlier than this, but I don't know of any that match as early as the first trimester. So it's possible that an adoptive family might get a match and wait up to three months, and then have it fall through after the baby is born. But not nine months.

    If you meant the later, revocation periods do vary from state to state, but the range is 24 hours to 30 days. In our state, our son's birthmom's consent to place him for adoption was final after seven days.

    It is true that most domestic adoptions are now open. This is actually a major reason that we wanted to adopt domestically, b.c we wanted an open adoption. More and more international adoptions are becoming open. And many adult adoptees who were placed internationally have been able to go back and find their birth families as adults. I am not opposed to international adoption at all, but I do think that being comfortable with the fact that your child has another family is essential in adoption.

    In China, the wait is currently five years for families pursuing healthy babies. The wait is much shorter for families open to special needs.

    There is a tax credit available for all adoptions- domestic, international, or foster. This reduces your tax exposure. There was briefly a tax refund, in which you would get a large cash payout from the government for adopting, much like the house purchasing refund back in 2009. They have eliminated that now, though.

  2. #18
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    Apr 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by tarynkay View Post
    @leadmythoughts Thanks for the clarification!

    @catloverd- Do you mean that you would wait the nine months of a pregnancy and then the prospective birth mother would change her mind? Or do you mean that she would change her mind nine months after the child is placed with you? If the first, most agencies do not match families until the expectant mother is in the third trimester. Some will match earlier than this, but I don't know of any that match as early as the first trimester. So it's possible that an adoptive family might get a match and wait up to three months, and then have it fall through after the baby is born. But not nine months.

    If you meant the later, revocation periods do vary from state to state, but the range is 24 hours to 30 days. In our state, our son's birthmom's consent to place him for adoption was final after seven days.

    It is true that most domestic adoptions are now open. This is actually a major reason that we wanted to adopt domestically, b.c we wanted an open adoption. More and more international adoptions are becoming open. And many adult adoptees who were placed internationally have been able to go back and find their birth families as adults. I am not opposed to international adoption at all, but I do think that being comfortable with the fact that your child has another family is essential in adoption.

    In China, the wait is currently five years for families pursuing healthy babies. The wait is much shorter for families open to special needs.

    There is a tax credit available for all adoptions- domestic, international, or foster. This reduces your tax exposure. There was briefly a tax refund, in which you would get a large cash payout from the government for adopting, much like the house purchasing refund back in 2009. They have eliminated that now, though.
    The 9 months was just to point out that even if you do get matched with a child, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it, while if you adopt from China, you will. (9 months is on the extreme side, but possible)

    As for the 5 year wait period for a healthy baby, I think that's on the high end, all of my sources say an average of 2 years, there are always exceptions though, but I'm pretty sure 5 years is on the extreme side.

    As for the adoptees finding their birth parents, it's possible, but very hard still in China because of the 1 Child Policy and their rule that they can't abandon their children. Not sure if that has changed now since the last time I looked up that information was in 2012.

    Now I'm not against open adoptions or my future child eventually wanting to find her or his birth parents, but I personally wouldn't be comfortable with having the birth parents around while I'm raising MY child. I guess it all depends on the openness of the adoption. I'm for sending photos and updates and those kind of things, but as I mentioned, for China that is extremely difficult since most of the children are just found on the street. No one knows who their parents are. BUT if they want to pursue that in the future, then that's their choice.

    However, I find that to be on the rare side since I have 2 cousins who are adopted (now in their 30's). They never once went in search for their birth parents. My husband's mother was adopted and she never cared to find her birth parents either. My aunt, who was adopted, never went in search of hers, but her mother found her. They now get along. Another aunt, before she met my uncle, had two children. One girl and one boy, she wasn't able to take care of both and decided to put her baby boy up for adoption. 20 years later, her daughter found her brother and they now all get along. So I seem to encounter the vice versa, the birth parents trying to find the children they put up for adoption, usually after the child has grown up.
    Last edited by catloverd; May 22nd, 2013 at 04:47 PM.
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  3. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by milasmama View Post
    ^Yeah, that. Frustrating and a bit closed-minded, IMO. I've never seen a secular adoption agency ban religious families, only the other way around.
    It's not "close minded." The reason these places exist is because the birth parents, who feel they can't provide for their child, want their child to be taken in by someone who shares the same faith as them.

    It's not just in America. There is an adoption program in Taiwan where Christians who can't take care of their children can put their children up for adoption knowing that another Christian family will be taking care of their child.

    Think about it. If you plan to adopt you can pick gender, race, etc. Well this is just vice versa, the parents want a Christian family to raise their child.
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  4. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    816
    Very interesting! As I mentioned, we really aren't considering adoption, I just have always thought it was a nice idea. Our lives really aren't condicive to adoption. But for those who can do it, I think it is fantastic!

  5. #24
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    Sep 2012
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    @catloverd My sister is on the waitlist for adoption from China, and they indicated they're willing to adopt a child up to age 6 and with mild-moderate special needs. The current waitlist for a healthy infant <1 is over 6 years and growing fast-- children are being brought home now to familites whose dossiers were sent to China in fall of 2006. The waitlist for a special needs/older child is notoriously variable. They haven't heard a peep.

    I have been gently trying to nudge her to re-consider domestic infant adoption. She is afraid of the open nature, that the birth mother/parents would be more like co-parents than simply known entities who get a card every now and again. @tarynkay, what has your relationship with your son's birth mother been like? I have two friends with domestic infant adoptions (same story as yours; they were selected pre-birth by the mother and were present at the delivery & took the child home from the hospital). My general feeling is that women who are giving up infants before birth generally are not in much of a position to play a significant role in their child's life, nor do they expect to; they are just happy with general updates and knowing their child is out there, thriving. My friends' experiences seem to confirm this.

    Also, there are many religion-specific adoption agencies; they certainly aren't restricted to Christians. They usually cater to the birth mother's preferences-- it is her right to specify what kind of home she'd like her baby to be raised in. I find this completely unobjectionable, personally. There are plenty of secular birthmothers who would be queasy at the thought of their child being raised as a dyed-in-the-wool adherent of a particular faith, too.
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