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  1. #36
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    726
    Quote Originally Posted by tfzolghadr View Post
    Yes, if you want to say that it's the fault of the teachers, administrators, employers, peers, and the rest of society... then yes. But that's what it means to go against a social taboo. I remember when my brother's (highly masculine) name became a feminine choice. Many classmates had little sisters with his name. No one knew my brother's name, but I (at 8) was able to put together that something was awry. Once, during a fight I started teasing him mercilessly... only to find out it was a sore spot. He was in middle school, and EVERYONE was making fun of him. My parents did try to tell him it was a good name and such... In high school, he almost overcompensated by participating in every masculine sport... However, some boys did enter his name into the competition for prom queen (which he won, until he was disqualified for being a man). Is he a socially well-adjusted man? Yes... He's cool, confident, and mature... However, when he named his 3 kids, he chose names that were common, and easily distinguishable in gender. Why? He said he didn't want his boys to be prom queen or his daughter to be prom king.

    People should give their children a name that they like... However, if you know that the name you like is associated with another gender, SES, etc. you should anticipate potential future problems. Simply saying "It's the problem of xxxx" does nothing... you chose the name knowing full well that it could cause the child issues. So essentially you set your child up to have to be rescued... And while you can teach your child to be confident and what be it, blind resumes, job interviews, career fairs, etc. can be a bit unpleasant when you have an "inappropriate" name...

    My idea: Import a foreign name or use a name that is meaningful to you or your family in order to be "unique". If you do name your son Ashley, know and weigh ALL the ramifications. Realize you're doing something not 100% socially acceptable (in the US), and that there could be issues in the future. Be willing to put out the time and effort necessary for dealing with these problems. Also, if your son is angry about it in the future, "the buck stops here"... don't blame society, administrators, teachers, etc... After all, they just reacted to the name in the same way you could've predicted.
    With parents of girls continually finding more and more boy names to use on girls (even old classics like James and Elliot are being used on girls now), what exactly do you propose that parents of boys do? I could name a boy Ashley, which has a history of use on both boys and girls. Or I could name my son William and the same thing could happen that happened to your brother. There is no guarantee that a name that is masculine now will be masculine in 10 years.

    It's unfair to me that girls get to keep a name once it's been used for them while suddenly it's taken off the table for boys. As I've said before, I live in an area of the US where people are really obsessed with the idea that a boy can't ever have a name that is associated with femininity and that parents, realizing that boy names are moving over to girl name territory by the dozens, have begun just using random masculine-sounding words. And I don't think it's a coincidence that boys here are significantly less well-behaved than girls. If you name your kid Rage I don't think you can realistically expect to raise a sweet-tempered little angel, because you've already put a hyper-masculine, semi-violent word as his main identifier.

    I don't think the attitudes of society about girl names on boys will change unless people actually encounter boys with "feminine" names. I for one would love to meet a boy named Ashley. I'd greatly prefer him to the boys named Riot and Trigger and Chaos.
    I hope to be a mom one day. For now I enjoy being a name lover.

    My apologies for any typos; i post from my mobile phone.

  2. #38
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    SD, CA
    Posts
    360
    My favorite cousin is a male Ashley. I think it was a source of irritation for him growing up. He always had to say that, yes, Ashley is also a boy's name. We're from the Midwest, and he was the only male Ashley I knew. Because I am so fond of him, I much prefer Ashley on a boy, too, but I don't know if it's the easiest name for a boy to have to carry. It will most definitely cause the child a bit of grief either occasionally or perhaps quite regularly. My cousin only goes by Ash now.

    I like Ashton and Asher. I think they possess the same feeling and quality of Ashley, but are decidedly male in this day and age.
    Mama to
    Desmond Sanders, born 7/2013
    and dog son, Lambeau

  3. #40
    To me, it is definitely a girls name. Which doesn't mean you cannot use it, but I it is predominately used as a girls name.

  4. #42
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,576
    Quote Originally Posted by tfzolghadr View Post
    Yes, if you want to say that it's the fault of the teachers, administrators, employers, peers, and the rest of society... then yes. But that's what it means to go against a social taboo. I remember when my brother's (highly masculine) name became a feminine choice. Many classmates had little sisters with his name. No one knew my brother's name, but I (at 8) was able to put together that something was awry. Once, during a fight I started teasing him mercilessly... only to find out it was a sore spot. He was in middle school, and EVERYONE was making fun of him. My parents did try to tell him it was a good name and such... In high school, he almost overcompensated by participating in every masculine sport... However, some boys did enter his name into the competition for prom queen (which he won, until he was disqualified for being a man). Is he a socially well-adjusted man? Yes... He's cool, confident, and mature... However, when he named his 3 kids, he chose names that were common, and easily distinguishable in gender. Why? He said he didn't want his boys to be prom queen or his daughter to be prom king.

    People should give their children a name that they like... However, if you know that the name you like is associated with another gender, SES, etc. you should anticipate potential future problems. Simply saying "It's the problem of xxxx" does nothing... you chose the name knowing full well that it could cause the child issues. So essentially you set your child up to have to be rescued... And while you can teach your child to be confident and what be it, blind resumes, job interviews, career fairs, etc. can be a bit unpleasant when you have an "inappropriate" name...

    My idea: Import a foreign name or use a name that is meaningful to you or your family in order to be "unique". If you do name your son Ashley, know and weigh ALL the ramifications. Realize you're doing something not 100% socially acceptable (in the US), and that there could be issues in the future. Be willing to put out the time and effort necessary for dealing with these problems. Also, if your son is angry about it in the future, "the buck stops here"... don't blame society, administrators, teachers, etc... After all, they just reacted to the name in the same way you could've predicted.
    What names don't require rescuing? Foreign names aren't safe. Little Kareem and Pablo will face the same issues. Is the answer to tell racial/ethnic minorities to only use "appropriate" European names? I know a John that hates his name because he was tormented with toilet jokes so his "appropriate" name didn't save him. What about when, like in your brother's case, the name becomes feminine afterwards? Little girls are being named Asher and Ashton. Parents of Maxwells couldn't have predicted Jessica Simpson's choice. So what name is safe? Where does it end?

    And society is to blame. Society decides that Muslims are bad so that means parents are to blame if their little Khalid or Hosni is tormented? "Hey it's your fault, Mom and Dad. It's not our fault that we're prejudice and ignorant. You already knew that we don't think kindly of Arabs so you should have given your son an appropriate name like Kevin or Howard."

    Shea * Jade * Azure * Eden * Fox * Greer
    Lotus * Tallulah * Noor * Jasper * Linden * Arden

  5. #44
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,576
    Quote Originally Posted by sdsurfmama View Post
    My favorite cousin is a male Ashley. I think it was a source of irritation for him growing up. He always had to say that, yes, Ashley is also a boy's name. We're from the Midwest, and he was the only male Ashley I knew. Because I am so fond of him, I much prefer Ashley on a boy, too, but I don't know if it's the easiest name for a boy to have to carry. It will most definitely cause the child a bit of grief either occasionally or perhaps quite regularly. My cousin only goes by Ash now.

    I like Ashton and Asher. I think they possess the same feeling and quality of Ashley, but are decidedly male in this day and age.
    One of my favorite cousins is an Ashley too! He's only ever gone by Ashley. Also have cousins with names like Aubrey, Shelby, Dominique, and Stacey who only go by their full names. Of course they've dealt with harmless ribbing and gender confusion but I've never heard them complain about their names.

    The girls have caught on to Ashton (I've met a few) and Asher isn't far behind. Azure is a favorite and I like Ashby too but girls are coming for them too. So you either live in fear or just throw up your hands, choose the name you love and hope for the best.

    Shea * Jade * Azure * Eden * Fox * Greer
    Lotus * Tallulah * Noor * Jasper * Linden * Arden

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