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Thread: Egg Donation
May 20th, 2013 01:20 PM #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
The pro-white angle bothered us a lot, too. This is one of the reasons went to adoption, b.c the fertility industry just started feeling very Brave New World to us. I am really bothered by so many things about this, but I don't want to get into that here.
BUT this is all based on supply and demand. The doctors aren't looking to create a base of gametes that is representative of the general population, they are looking to meet the demands of specific clients. The way that it worked at the clinic that we went to was that patients would come in, realize through testing/treatments that egg quality was an issue for them, and then the clinic would seek out a donor. They had a list of potential donors with written descriptions, no photographs. Donors could opt to be known, but most people who wanted donors also wanted anonymity. They didn't want to run into their donor down at the Kroger, you know?
Generally, people are looking for a donor who looks like them, so that the resulting children will look like them. Most people do not tell their children that egg and/or sperm donors were involved. But please do consider, anonymity is more and more difficult. It is certainly possible that the children created with your eggs might find you one day. This has already happened on a very large scale with sperm donors. Just think through how you would feel about this, particularly if you end up not raising any of your biological children. Also think through how you will feel if they never find you, maybe never even know that you were involved.
They told us that IVF works best with fresh never frozen gametes, so this using freshly harvested eggs gives the procedure the best chance of working. So if I had done this egg share thing, they would have essentially used hormones to sync up my cycle and the cycle of this other patient who needed my eggs and then done the embryo creation and implantation on each of us at the same time. If there were more eggs than were needed for a procedure, they would be frozen in case the couple needed to try multiple times, but this wasn't the first choice. I am not sure if it is an option for a couple to go straight to frozen donor eggs.
I really don't believe that fertility clinics are trying to serve predominantly white couples. I really don't think they care. They do not do any kind of screening to determine which couples would make "good" parents. They don't try harder for MENSA members than for high school drop outs. If you can pay for the services, they want to provide you with the services. There is definitely some institutional racism going on here, but the roots are pretty deep.
If you do end up doing this, and you think you may someday want to raise your biological children, you might want to consider having some of your eggs frozen for your own use. Just in case something goes wrong w. the procedure, that way you haven't foreclosed that option for your future.
May 20th, 2013 05:37 PM #18
@tarynkay is *exactly* right. Fertility medicine is, in many ways, much closer to cosmetic dermatology or plastic surgery than it is the rest of medicine. (And the people who go in to it are almost without exception financially motivated, venal, and have enormous God complexes.) It's the free market, pure & unadulterated. All of these services are cash only and therefore the basic principles of economics prevail. Most couples with the means to pursue not only IVF but IVF with donated eggs/sperm have a great deal of disposable cash, and in this country that means they're usually white, and occasionally East or (even more rarely) South Asian [bloodlines are very important in South Asian cultures to they're much less likely to pursue donor gametes]. This is not my field so I'm really speaking from "anec-data" here, but in general people of all backgrounds want Nordic types as donors. Jews rarely wants Jewish eggs due to the high prevalence of inherited recessive syndromes in the Ashkenazi population (and I've read interviews where couples specifically wanted non-Jewish eggs out of fear of silly things like male pattern baldness or nearsightedness). Nordic types want Nordic types so the kids look like them. South Asians want Nordic types so the children have lighter skin. East Asians occasionally want Nordic types so the children have wavier hair and bigger eyes. Uniformly, they want donors >5'6" in height, with blonde hair and light eyes, great academic qualifications and <150lbs [the slimmer the better]. Uniformly. The fertility clinics do not take egg donors from backgrounds representative of the general population since there is no demand for eggs representative of the general population, and they will be paying you for a product they will not be able to sell.
It's not like ART specialists are specifically attempting to create the master race, or imposing their own preferences. They're simply realistically catering to demand.Blade, MD
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May 20th, 2013 05:53 PM #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
- Humboldt, California
I've considered it before. I hadn't researched it much just "Oh, maybe at some point." My motives were purely financial. Now, hearing all the awful side effects and possible future infertility, I'm not so sure. They probably wouldn't even want me considering my scoliosis and my Ashkenazi heritage.
My dad's ancestors are all Ashkenazi Jews. Nearsightedness and male-pattern baldness describes his family perfectly!Love my dog Zephyr <3
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May 21st, 2013 09:59 AM #22
Clearly I didn't express myself correctly. (go figure)
I meant that they had clients who represented the general population of the area.
In major cities like NYC, DC, and LA where people of all backgrounds make a decent amount of money
I'd assume numbers to be more representative at some clinics than at others.Little Lorelei - May 2016Endora - Merida - Viola - Zelda
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May 21st, 2013 10:49 AM #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
you haven't donated or used an egg donor...
...would you consider donating? Why? or Why not? What would be your personal concerns?
I would not donate my eggs. For me it's a personal decision. I just don't feel comfortable with that.
I am surprised by how much judgment is on this thread. Personally it would be less about being scared that the people who were using my eggs were bad people and more about not wanting to go through such a procedure.
I would think about it if a same sex couple or couple I knew slightly asked me. I think putting faces to the people who needed my help would be an incentive but probably not strong enough.
On the other hand, I think adoption is a good idea. I think there is nothing wrong with someone other than the biological parents raising a child. I think that biological relationships don't have a monopoly of love and support.
I would never under no circumstances give an egg to my sister or one of my cousins. I read an article about a couple who used his father as a sperm donor. The article said that many doctors questioned the wisdom of using close family members saying that it confuses the relationship. I don't if it's true, but my aunt appropriates other people's children all the time. She told me last time I saw I could call her Mom. I was like "uh, no, you are not my mother, I have a mother. She's a big part of my life. I see you once or twice a year." If she had been an egg donor for mama, she would never have let go of the fact she was my "real mother". Maybe what I am really saying is that I would never let a sister or a cousin be an egg donor for me. I think my family members would try to appropriate "my" child. In our family it would be really messy.
I don't mean to judge, but I do think that if you can't handle the idea of your biological children being raised by someone who isn't you yourself then you should not be an egg donor. On the hand, if you think you could help people that would be your choice. I would do research to make sure the offer seems credible. I would also support any friend (or you) if they decided to this. Only you can make your decision. Good Luck!