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Thread: Educated mothers as SAHM
May 15th, 2013 08:56 PM #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
I have a JD, and I am currently staying home w. my son. We will likely have one more child, and when the hypothetical second child goes to school, I will return to work in some capacity. I expect that this will be very difficult and that I will need to reeducate myself pretty extensively b.c at that point, I will have been out of work for at least 8 years. But to us, it's worth it. I don't think that there is anything wrong w. being a working mother or in sending your kid to daycare or what have you. Life is just significantly less stressful this way.
Point is, yes, I don't think that you have to choose between getting an education and staying home with children. It is okay to be very well educated AND raise children. I will not stretch logic here and say that my law degree is somehow helping me change diapers and sweep floors, but it is not a hinderance, either. It is also much easier to get your degree before having children vs after having children. Also, if my husband was suddenly unable to support us, it would be easier for me to get a job w. my degrees as opposed to a high school diploma.
Also, it's good to keep your options open. I know several women who were positive that they wanted to be SAHMs. Then they had babies and were dreadfully unhappy staying home and longed to return to work. I also know women who were positive that they wanted to be working moms. Then they had babies and could not bear to leave them to return to their careers. I know women who planned to stay home and had to return to work for financial reasons, and women who planned to work and ended up staying home b.c they had special needs children and could not practically outsource that care. I really don't think you can know how you will feel about it till you're in the thick of it.
May 15th, 2013 09:19 PM #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
I'm quite a new mum, so I don't really consider myself a SAHM yet, but I think I will become one. I've got to master degrees, one in academics and one in fine arts. My plan is to stay at home until my last child goes off to school, but being an artist (or rather, having my toe in the artistic pool) means I can work from home with design and illustrations. My fiance is also working at home, so I'm planning on going back to teach yoga a few times a week in a while, but I would not consider myself a working mum if I had a couple of classes a week.
I think it's right to be a SAHM (or SAHD) if that's what's right for you. No one should make that decision for you, and if you don't want to you shouldn't. I don't want to send my child to nursery until she can talk properly (I want to know what's going on!) and I don't want to her to have full days before she's ready for school. That's why I want to stay at home. But we have the money to do that, I understand this is not an option for everyone. I also understand that not everyone wish to stay at home, not everyone's suited to be at home. And I kind of disagree with your boyfriend, I think having a degree is wonderful if you're a SAHM. A university education has a lot of value, not just the degree, but you learn to think in a different way, to be independent and lots of other things I think is important to be a good mother.My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
May 15th, 2013 09:31 PM #15
It's one of those things where there isn't a right or wrong answer; every mom must decide for herself what works best for her and her family.
It bugs me when people think a degree is wasted on SAHM'ing. Your education, even an extremely advanced, specialized, esoteric degree, is not a waste! As a SAHM you bring a lot to the table when you've had the intestinal fortitude to finish something very difficult, and your kids can always benefit from your knowledge.
I have a bachelor's in biochemistry and am almost finished with a masters in biology but currently have no plans to work outside the home. I realize how fortunate I am that I have the choice to either.Mom of James Daniel (12) William Joseph (11), Elise Marie (9), Zachary Allan (3), and George Thomas (1)
Rose Ottilia; Vera; Colette; Sylvia; Amy; Mary; Audrey; Kate Linnea; Anna; Tabitha; Caroline; Adele; Dahlia; Isla; Rosemary Laura; Rosalind "Lindy", Iris; Iola; Amanda
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"If you make happy those that are near, those that are far will come." -Grace Lin
May 15th, 2013 09:45 PM #17
I have two-and-a-half college degrees - a Bachelors in Literature, a Bachelors in Teaching, and I'm currently doing my Masters. My husband and I are TTC and I plan on becoming a SAHM, at least for a couple of years. I would much prefer to have a fantastic career. I have plenty of regrets, career-wise. At this point, I'm happy to become a SAHM because I want to get out of teaching! Sorry to those of you who are studying teaching right now! If I had my time over, I would have studied something else and maybe I'd have a career I enjoy more. But what's past is past and I'm currently doing my Masters in Information Studies, majoring in Librarianship, so we'll see what comes of that. I'd never say a college degree is time and money wasted, even if you never use your degree. The experiences and skills you learn are invaluable. Education is so important. Also, I think the money thing is different in Australia. When you start a degree, you can apply for HECS (Higher Education Contribution Scheme), where you basically rack up a bill to pay the government when you finish your degree. So, while you're studying, you pay no tuition fees. You don't have to pay back HECS until you're earning, I think, at least $30,000 a year. At the moment, I'm working as a relief teacher, and paying zero off my HECS. If I become a SAHM and never work again, I'll never have to pay off my college debts! Yay for Australia, lol.~ Mother of Violet Elizabeth Rose ~
FUTURE DAUGHTER: AUDREY, DAPHNE OR IVY
FUTURE SON: FREDERICK, HENRY OR THEODORE
May 15th, 2013 10:12 PM #19
This is a very interesting thread, thank you for posting. I'm also very happy about the balanced, kind, and generally open-minded responses you've gotten so far! I love the Nameberry forums for that exact reason!
I'm going to agree with most pp's and say a college degree is NEVER a waste. You learn so much pursuing a degree - and I'm not even talking about just the academia you study; you learn a lot more than that. It's an important life experience for your own personal growth and that will always make you a better mother.
A few other important things to keep in mind - the people who are bringing up the point that even if you have a degree; once you've been a SAHM mom and have been out of the work-force for 5-10 years, you're still most likely going to struggle to find a job. Employers will want, or require, you to have recent experience/schooling. So you'll have to find your own path through all of that (going back to school, interning, whatever). Depends on your career field too, of course, but most professional careers want lots of experience - and they especially expect it from someone in their 30's or 40's. It's a bind millions of people face all the time (men and women; you need recent/current experience to get the job, you need the job to get experience!).
Also, one other big thing I think someone else mentioned: life is completely unpredictable. You just absolutely never know what is going to be thrown your way. I know it's awful to think about but the reality is many couples get divorced. You don't want to end up having to stay in an unhappy marriage simply because you have no other options to support yourself. Or what if, even worse, your hubby dies unexpectedly? Again, these things happen and having a degree will absolutely ease the burdens you face in these situations.
Anyway, just my opinions of course. I have 2 master's degrees but I am desperately hoping to be able to afford to stay home with our first baby. Not sure if it's going to be possible just yet but we're both hoping to be able to make it work. But I also fully realize that it may not suit me 100% and I may be unhappy with not working. If that's the case, going back part-time would be my next option. Not every woman in the world is suited to stay home with her kids - many of us are better, happier, healthier people when we work. And that means that we're better, happier, healthier moms and everyone, including the kids, benefit from that. It's one of those things we each have to figure out for ourselves and we have to figure it out as we reach that part of life!