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April 30th, 2013 12:58 PM #1Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Feel like I'm going to be too old by the time I am ready for a baby!!!
After browsing some other forums, and from personal experience, it seems like girls are having babies so young, on the baby-gaga forums it seems like nearly all the mothers there are younger than 22! Some have more than 1 child!
I am currently in University earning my degree, I have a stable relationship and plans to get married after University when I'll be about 24. Neither of us want to start trying for kids until we have made a bit of a career for ourselves, and I feel like 30 seems so old, when half the people I know already have kids!
I just feel like 30 is the new 40! Am I missing out not having kids when I'm really young like the rest of the population?
I mean most my friends are going to have 10 year olds by the time I start TTC.
I guess I just feel a little angry at all these young mothers that don't have a stable income or emotional support necessary to support a baby, and I don't want to feel like I'm the oldest mother when I go to my future childrens school events and things.
Is this silly or do other people feel like this too?
I swear theres been a massive increase in teen-unwed mothers in the past few years!
April 30th, 2013 01:09 PM #3
I know how you feel.
In my region and with my group of friends/colleagues, I feel like I'm a "young mom" (I'm expecting my first at 27)...then I see on websites people saying they dont want to have babies "old" at 30 and women who have three children at 22. Most of the mothers I know in person are having their first in their mid 30s, many of my friends my age are single, some in PhD programs or working hours that make this NOT the right time for babies.
I try to remind myself that everyone's situation is different, plus I think it varies a lot in different parts of the US based on the norms for higher ed, when people get married, etc... I don't know the current stats on teen mothers, part of me thinks it's just that we're talking about it more, what with certain reality TV shows everywhere you turn. Plus more teens may seek out online forums for support as opposed to older moms who already have support systems that include other women with children.
So no, I don't think it's silly at all to worry and compare, but I hope you can find peace in following a timetable that makes sense to your life.
April 30th, 2013 01:14 PM #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
First off - Baby Gaga is not the creme of the crop, I know, I've been a member there for YEARS.
Secondly - who are you to judge and "get angry" at these women for the choices they make concerning their own children and their own lives? Great, you "have your shit together" but that's not what everyone wants or has access to and it's not your place to deem what is right and what is wrong. I've been jumped on in this forum for saying that I DO NOT want to be an older mother, I am 23 and together, my husband and I have 4 children. We work hard at both jobs AND school, putting both of us through graduate school with 4 kids will not be easy but it's always been a priority for BOTH of us to be parents young. (He's 10 years my senior, I only have one biological child), who are you to sit there and tell me I am wrong or that how I choose to live my life is somehow "less" than yours? How the hell do YOU know what kind of support these women do or do not have? If your basing your opinion on what you see on the internet than you should really go get a reality check. You seem like a very judgmental, nasty person - I hope that changes before you decide to reproduce and pass that along to your children, it's not a nice or endearing quality.
April 30th, 2013 01:19 PM #7Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
I seemed to have touched a nerve here, I honestly wasn't trying to offend anyone of upset you, I appoligize
I never told you you were wrong or that your life was less than mine - infact I was more infering that I'm jealous of these young women with presious gifts and don't want to feel infirior for being a lot older and putting a stable financial situation first.
I feel like you have twisted my words and being quite judgemental and offensive yourself calling me a nasty peron for expresing my own concerns.
April 30th, 2013 01:22 PM #9
Consider that baby forums are full of "teen mom" trolls so it's probably skewed quite a bit.
I can't comment on having the same feeling as in an ideal world I see myself "with child" earlier than you plan to be, but I certain don't think you should feel like you'll be considered too old by other mothers. When I was doing my A Levels I took sociology and there were plenty of stats to say that people are becoming more individualised (think that was the term anyway!) and are spending more time and money on themselves and having kids later or not at all, so you probably won't be as out of place as you'd expect.
My mother had me at 22, and my brother at 33, and she never stops going on about how she hates that she never got to enjoy her youth. So even if people do look at you and think you're a bit older than you should be (which would be a little ridiculous) at least you'll feel ready and know that you've lived life to the fullest! One of my cousins is 33 now and had her first at 29 and her second last year, and I haven't heard her say she feels out of place at all. Her sister was a teen mother, her oldest is now 11 and she's only just had another baby, so I think that shows that having kids later is fairly desirable.
Last edited by genevie; April 30th, 2013 at 01:27 PM.g e n e v i e v e
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