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April 30th, 2013 03:16 PM #21Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- North Texas
Well said, dindlee!
April 30th, 2013 03:20 PM #23
April 30th, 2013 03:31 PM #25
Wow, 30 is "so old?"
This is largely dependent on the social structure where you live, which is largely influenced back and forth by education and career priorities. The educated population tends to delay procreation, where the uneducated population tends to jump right in. This is not an opinion, it's statistical fact - there is a direct correlation between education level and age of becoming a parent.
I live in a major metro area, and work with children for a living. I work in a primarily affluent area. The majority of parents had their first kids between 29-35. The youngest parents tend to have a Bachelor's degree at the most, and are lower income. The most educated and wealthiest parents are older. Simple reason? It's a lost easier to complete advanced degrees and/or build a career without having kids in the mix.
You won't have as easy a time getting pregnant, and the chances of birth defects rise as you age. Those are the only legitimate concerns here. As for being "the oldest mother" at your kid's events, your perception of the age spread will seem less pronounced as you get older. Kids are the great equalizer, and you will have things in common with other parents of kids your own age. Most of your (current) friends will have 10 year olds by the time you start having kids? Hate to break this to you: if that's the case, most of your friends won't be your close friends anymore. Kids are a MAJOR lifestyle change, and you will find they have less and less time for you, and less in common with you.
Don't worry about it so much. Have kids when you're ready.
ETA: A lot of people are saying that you're ready when you meet the right person. Uh, no. You're ready when you're ready, and if the right person is also there, it's part of the equation. My husband and I are in our late twenties and met when we were 19, married at 24. Were we ready to have kids at 24? Hell, no! I'm sure it would have worked out just fine, but my preference was ALWAYS to wait until our careers were in a good place before kids came along. My husband is there, I'm not quite yet, but if I'm still not around 30-32 we'll just go ahead. Kids can be delayed, but I would prefer not to deal with the agony of fertility issues.
Last edited by yellow; April 30th, 2013 at 03:36 PM.
April 30th, 2013 03:56 PM #27Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
I'm 30 and just had my first. Most of my friends with babies were 30+ when having their first one (I think mid thirties is normal for London, but I'm not sure). When I'm out with my daughter I usually feel like a pretty young mum actually, lots of women in their late 30's and early 40's pushing buggies around. Anyway, as Dina and Kristen(Missu) said, who cares? I don't think I would've been a good mum when I was younger than I am now. I didn't want children earlier either, I actually was going to wait a few more years, but Baba decided she wanted to be come a few years early. The best things to do when the bio clock is ticking: Enjoy your sleep. You have a baby, sleep goes out the window. Enjoy peace and quiet, clothes and hair without sick and spit up in it, being able to finish a meal without interruptions, being able to put yourself first, not talking about nappies and poop all the time, going to the spa, sun bathing... clothes that show off your nice flat tummy. Playing your favourite music really loud, having sex without the baby waking up in the middle of it, having the concentration to read something more challenging than Hello!.
Anyway, how old are you? When you hit 30 it won't feel old at all, I promise. I think I'd feel older if I had a 11 year old now than I am with a six week old.My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
April 30th, 2013 04:05 PM #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
I got pregnant a few days after celebrating my 30th birthday. For me, it was the perfect time.
Most of the important stuff has already been said by insightful posters. I have just one other thought to add. I feel like a lot of women, young and old alike, plan and dream when they would like to have kids without taking into consideration that, ideally, they will be having their babies with a partner. It's really useless to plan having children when you don't have a partner to plan with. Even if you do enter a stable relationship/get married, there's no guarantee that your partner will want children right away. I got married at 28, but my husband is younger than me and wasn't ready to TTC immediately. Whining or stressing might have pressured my husband into caving in sooner, but then my baby might have had a resentful father. I didn't think that was fair to my baby or my husband.
I knew my whole life that I wanted children. These were my personal reasons for "planning" (insofar as a baby can be planned) to have my baby when I did:
1. As mentioned before, my husband was completely ready and excited by this time.
2. We want to have 2 children, and I do not want to have them back to back. However, I'd like to be done by 35. Having my first at 30 allows for a nice cushion. Women who want several children would have a different view.
3. We both are settled in careers, and my husband now makes enough money to provide during maternity leave.
4. Our close friends and family started getting pregnant. We thought it would be helpful to go through everything together, trade baby sitting nights, etc.
I have to point out that I was very lucky (that's all it is, pure luck) to become pregnant quickly. TBH, we might have waited until we bought a house to start TTC, but I was very aware that many couples have difficulty conceiving and I allowed for a window of at least a year of TTC. If all people had to do to get pregnant was WISH it, we might have delayed TTC until after buying a house.
I hope this helps! It was interesting laying out my own thought process.Baby girl K.A.
Born September 2013
Guilty pleasures: Anastasia Isadora/Isidore Nicodemus Persephone Darrow Opaline Aurelia Chloe Mirabel Camelia Theodore Eugenia