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April 25th, 2013 06:30 PM #1Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
Pregnancy Anxiety and naming your child
Have any of you suffered from pregnancy anxiety and did it affect naming your child?
My baby is 4 months old and I am coming to the realisation that I suffered major anxiety in pregnancy which was then complicated by pregnancy going downhill at 38 weeks , an unplanned induction and then an incident at 2 days old where my bub stopped breathing.
All this stopped me from committing to a name I loved for my child and I am now suffering from name regret and don't now what to do. Has anyone else had this happen to them ? what did you do? I have discussed it with my partner and we are going to see someone next week but I am starting to feel more and more resentment towards certain family members who were very pushy during my pregnancy. I am a very quiet and sensitive person who has suffered from abuse from past partners - this has affected my self esteem and really stopped me from speaking up when I didn't agree with something. This has manifested itself in my beautiful child's name and I am lost. Help!
April 25th, 2013 06:54 PM #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
I'm so sorry. I think it's a good thing to see someone (means someone in the mental health field I presume?). I'm bipolar and I've struggled with anxiety a lot and having someone to talk to is very helpful. Especially as there has been abuse in your past, that is not something it's easy to handle all on your own, I had something happening to me when I was in my teens and I couldn't have dealt with it without a psychiatrist. Being pushed around by family members during pregnancy is terrible, did they push you into choosing the wrong name? I think if you and your partner wish you'd gone with a different name you should change it. At four months there's still time. I had my first baby just over five weeks ago, and with all the hormones and emotions and everything that's going on choosing the right name can be a challenge. I know someone who took three months to figure out her child's name! I don't exactly have name regret... but I am thinking about changing my daughter's second middle. It all came together so quickly, and I don't know how I feel anymore. But I haven't registered her birth yet, so it's different for me.
Good luck!My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
April 25th, 2013 07:05 PM #5Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
I don't think they ' pushed' me per-say but in situations where a 'normal' person would tell them to 'stop calling the baby that name we haven't decided yet' or ' we don't know, that's just one option' etc etc, I felt like I clammed up . Pair this with reoccuring dreams about floppy dead babies that I never told anyone about, plus a relative buying a bowl with the babies name on when I as only 5 months gone and in the process of still deciding names plus a partner who called the baby by that name when she was born - I felt trapped. I think most people reading this will think I am crazy, and maybe I am but I sort of just need to know how to get through this now = ( . My partner has said we can change her name , but he doesn't mean it deep down .I just wish I'd had the balls to tell everyone to stop calling the bump a certain name rather than let it fester . I did mention other names to people but they became fixated on the one name . I felt like I became an object rather than a person with opinions . When I mentioned the name I really wanted in the later stages of pregnancy to my MIL and another family member they slated it, so I felt again like I was wrong and gave up. We were meant to discuss name choice after babies birth but it never happened. I was going to address the issue and had built up the courage to do so on day 2 and then all hell broke lose as my beautiful bub was taken to hospital for a week.
Sorry to go on but I feel like I can't talk to my OH any more as he is over the issue and wants me to move on x
April 25th, 2013 07:20 PM #7
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It may really help you to see a professional as Otter suggested. I have never been pregnant but I have suffered with anxiety for many years. I just now started seeing a therapist and I wish I had done it years ago. It may be just what you need to help you stand up for yourself and make the right decision about your baby's name. If you chose it out of pressure and not love for the name you should absolutely change it. And that may be a really good jump start for you to start speaking up for yourself and recognizing that you matter, your opinions matter, and you do have personal power.
Unfortunately your story brings up one of the reasons why if I am blessed with pregnancy I won't be sharing the name before birth. I've seen this happen before - people become attached to a name and start buying personalized items before the baby is born, so if he comes out and doesn't look like a Sam, the parents feel stuck, or if they do decide to name the baby Fred instead, they have to listen to a bunch of "Awwww but I liked Sam."
I am really rooting for you to get the help you need. I know you will make the right decision for you and your baby, whatever that decision may be. Cheers and good luck.Mrs. H.
Trying for our first!
If it's a boy: Josiah Walker "Joe"
If it's a girl: Atrella Mary Emerald
Avatar: "Dark Robe" by Malcolm Liepke
April 25th, 2013 07:32 PM #9
I don't think your partner would've offered to let you change your daughter's name if he didn't mean it. I'm fairly certain that's why he doesn't want to talk about it anymore, he's leaving it in your court. Which I can understand is frustrating because it can come across as disinterest.
As for the other people, just ignore them. It's your baby, not theirs. I don't consider a bowl to be a concrete reason to name your baby THAT name. I always tell people to NEVER get me anything personalized until it's on the birth certificate. That was sweet but also presumptuous on their part. It's not too late to change her name, and I think you should. I think if you don't it will bother you forever.
I am also hoping that seeing somebody will help you overall, not just in this matter, but for your everyday happiness. <3Blessed to be a mother of 5.
My dashing fellows: Aidan Mackenzie (12 yrs) and Remy Forrester (resting in heaven)
My dahling daughters: Ava Dulcea (5 yrs), Mia Isobel (2yrs) and Gemma Hermione (just joining us!).