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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    197

    Parenting workload : The divide of mom and dad

    Ok I'm still pregnant so we are not yet this far into "parenting". However, I have a question. We are planning on halving the duties of parenting.
    1. She is half mine and half his
    2. We work different shifts. Once I go back to work I will be working 7am-4pm(ish) and DH works 1:30pm-11pm. So why put her in daycare all day when Dh can care for her.
    3. If I do everything now what will he know when I have to leave her and he has no idea.

    These sound silly right? But working at a daycare, I see the infants come in with moms who of course give instructions and times of feedings and diaper changes any medicines etc. But whenever a mom is sick the dads all rush in looking desperate to hand the baby off and can't answer any of the above, one dad came in with his son oddly dressed and said he had no idea where the clothes were for the kind of weather we were having.

    My co-workers are even like you trust him with the baby....yes he is a dad just as I'm a mom.

    Thoughts?
    I'm Alix Louise
    Wife to Skyler James since 4/28/12
    Mommy to Daphne Valora since 8/02/13

    When we have another
    Boy : Sebastian, Jasper, Edgar
    Girls: Sonia, Matilda

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    192
    My dad was a stay at home dad when I was a kid. He cooked and cleaned (not super well, he's not so detail oriented) and took care of me. Once I got older he took me every where and helped with school projects. I would talk to him when I had friend trouble and boy drama. in high school he would drop me off and pick me up everyday so we could go do something together. He also didn't want me getting into trouble after school like he did I was close with my mom too, but she worked more.

    Some kids thought it was weird at first, that my dad did the "womanly duties. But he was an amazing parent. Parents should share the parenting responsibilities however makes them happiest. In my case my dad loved staying home with me and my mom loved her job.

    And yes dads can be just as much of a great parent as moms. Come on, what century are we in?

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    287
    We intend to do something like this as well, but with more daycare. Our work days mostly overlap, though he'll probably start work a bit later than I will, and I'll get out a bit earlier. I don't think caring for a child (whether it's a newborn or a teenager) is primarily the mother's responsibility, and I think it's nice if a child gets to spend roughly the same amount of time with both parents. Involved, active fathers make me happy - but they shouldn't be such a novelty! The attitude that a father can't be trusted to care for his own child is really gross. I mean, come on.

    My SO's company was recently bought out by a large corporation, so I'm hoping (probably in vain) that he'll end up getting some kind of paid paternity leave as part of his benefits. I think all new parents are entitled to something like 12 unpaid weeks of parental leave under FMLA, though, and we'll likely be financially well-off enough that I'm definitely going to encourage (or pressure, if he's for some reason resistant) him to take it. I'm a teacher, so ideally I'll be able to utilize summer break as "maternity leave" so that I don't have to take much (or any) time off of work. It kind of bugs me that the current system is pretty much designed to place the responsibility of child-rearing on the mother; men have so much less access to parental leave, and I think they tend to be judged more harshly for taking it, too.
    on my mind, for the moment

    Daria | Athena | Ramona | Winifred | Maeve | Blythe | Nadine | Dorothea | Margot | Cyra | Renata | Hypatia | Junia | Thisbe

    Flynn | Otto | Winston | Claude | Leif | Roald | Tavish | Lionel | Cormac | Tobin | Oswin | Rory | Damon | Tycho

    Mildred "Red" ☆ Obedience "Bede" ☆ Relief "Leafy" ☆ Dorothea "Doro" ☆ Penelope "Pen" ☆ Ruth "Rue" ☆ Eudoxia "Exie"

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Sweden
    Posts
    640
    We had twins so there was no option for my husband to not contribute equally. He was up for every feeding and has done at least as much diaper changing as I do along with everything else. I do however remember being a bit nervous the first time I left him home alone with both of them for a few hours (they were maybe 8 weeks??). I came home to a living room covered in breastmilk and two crying babies, but I didn't let that change my mind. He needed to learn how to manage and how can he do that without getting practice? It went better the next time around and now he is a pro.

    Based on our work schedules I do end up doing most of the picking up and dropping off at preschool but he more than makes up for it on weekends and evenings. I think if we had only had one we could have easily fallen into the pattern of me doing it all (based on personalities and level of comfort with babies pre-children) but happily this was not the case. I feel we have really succeeded in dividing the duties well.
    Mama to twin boys Oliver Graham and Luke Axel

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,109
    I was just talking about this the other day. My husband has always been "Mr. Mom" in our house. He is better at housework than me, more experienced with children/babies than me (he raised 3 much younger siblings), and very maternal. We work from home, so we take turns with everything and don't have to worry about daycare or anything. I usually cook all the meals and feed Rowan lunch and dinner, give her a bath, and put her to bed. He wakes up with her every morning and feeds her breakfast, does most of the cleaning and housework. We take turns with everything else. He's definitely a "male" in some aspects though... when he dresses her, her outfits never match. The hairstyles he gives her are laughable. He doesn't know how to shop for groceries or clothes. But in general, he is a very modern dad who takes a very active parenting role. We live in the South, and sometimes I am reminded how "hands off" most dads are here. When you go to a playground, 90% of the parents there are Moms. It's actually gotten to the point where women are suspicious and weirded out if my husband takes Rowan somewhere by himself. I know couples where the dad can count on one hand how many diapers he's changed, and never feeds the kids or gives them baths. It's really disturbing.
    My cherished daughter, Rowan Jane. ~b. 10/2011~


    Sawyer ~ Aven ~ Elowen ~ Sage ~ Eilonwy ~ Eleanor
    Morgan ~ Asher ~ ___ ~ ___ ~ Currently trying to fill the blanks...


    Trying for #2 in January 2014.

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