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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    7

    Exclamation Siblings with different last names

    Hello,

    I'm not really quite sure how to start this so I'll just dive straight in.

    I have a daughter from a previous marriage, and she obviously has her father's last name. Since we divorced I've gone back to my maiden name. However, I am now in another relationship and expecting #2, and the issue of the surnames have come up. Since me and OH aren't married, it's likely that we'll hyphenate it for this baby.

    If we do, and if we do get married at some point, we'll both probably change our last name so it's hyphenated as well, the same as our baby's. This leaves me with a dilemma - it'll mean that my eldest daughter will have a completely different last name to the rest of us. I want her to keep her father's last name, we're on good terms and she sees him all the time so there's no issue there - but I also don't want her to feel left out, and I want us to look like a family when our names are written on paper.

    The only solution I can think of is to hyphenate my maiden name with her last name, so that we'll at least have half our names the same. Would this work, or is it better to just leave it how it is? Has anyone else had a similar issue? Is it even an issue at all or am I overthinking this? Help!!
    Cassia Faye (Dec 2009) & Elowen Audrey (May 2013)

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,436
    If your ex is okay with it (and your daughter, but she's pretty young), it's nice to hyphenate so she'll have both your names. Still, I don't think it's necessary. There will be some headaches from having different names, like you'll likely be called Mrs. DaughtersSurname at times by people who don't know your name is different, but it's not the end of the world. I have a very complicated family with siblings and step-siblings and a whole handful of names in the mix, but we still feel like one family.
    Miriam ~ Helena ~ Estella ~ Beatrice ~ Anastasia ~ Alice ~ Marilla ~ Sarah
    Paul ~ Wesley ~ Walter ~ Edmund ~ Isaac ~ Abram ~ Gabriel

    Trying for baby#1
    Avatar: Nathan Altman, Portrait of Anna Akhmatova

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    14
    If your daughter is old enough then I'd discuss it with her first before making any decisions, using your maiden name hyphenated is a good solution I think, although would her father object? If so you could consider adding your maiden name as a middle name for your daughter. I'm sure when you named your daughter you considered her second name so you might need to consider how her name would flow now by adding your maiden name.

    Incorporating your middle name is a lovely idea though I know me and my brothers always loved that we were easily identifiable by our slightly unusual surname.

    Hope this helps!

  4. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Spain
    Posts
    2,058
    If you and your SO marry, your daughter may be old enough to make the decision herself about what she wants done with her surname. My best friend was adopted by his stepdad when he was 8 or so, and he decided to have his surname changed. Of course, this is different from your situation because he and his mom shared a surname and she was changing hers as well, and he didn't know his bio dad at that point, so it was easier, I guess.
    But your daughter may have a preference, even if she's young (just explain it in terms of "mom and dad and stepdad and baby" instead of the actual names, maybe?).

    I don't think you've overthinking it *but* I wouldn't worry about it until the time comes where you're signing a marriage license and getting your name changed. Before then, don't stress
    Lucia
    Sela, Iris, Bronwen and Bastian, Fletcher, Gideon

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,190
    honestly I wouldnt worry about it. Someday your daughter will marry and probably take on a whole new last name. If her dad is in her life then I say just keep it as is. My children have a different last name than I do and it is never a problem. Of course I grew up the youngest of six and we had four last names between us and it was fine.
    mom to Mckinley Mayfair, Christian Wayne & Sir Angus Fionn
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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