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  1. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    I very much doubt anyone will let me adopt, but I've always wanted to and haven given this some thought. First of all the situation with the child. I have a friend who's adopted from South Korea, she was dropped of at the orphanage as an infant and was given a name off a list which was the norm there. Her parents changed her name when she was adopted, she was seven months at the time. Another friend of mine adopted a two year old from China; they chose a name where part of her original name would be used (the Chinese name sounds like Lin). I think if the child is under one you can change their name, but as I said it depends on the situation. If the child was well loved by the biological parents and the parents were no more, I'd keep the name. If the child was abused r the name simply came from a list (they do that in many orphanages) I would change it. If the child is older than one I wouldn't change it because the child knows its name by then. I could maybe add one and call it by both, but just up to a certain age. I don't really think the name matters. If it as a misspelling I'd use the right spelling, and if it was something ridiculous like lineska said, I guess I'd give a normal first name if the child wanted it.

    As for the other questions... I think saying which age you prefer is very relevant. I can to a certain point see gender as well... Hair and eye colour is a disgusting thing to have preference for though. Just horrible.
    [FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]

  2. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Oregon, USA
    Posts
    1,057
    Hmmm. Tricky..I agree that it would depend on how old the child was. My baby sister, Charlotte, is adopted, and my parents decided to give her a new first name (I have to be honest, her chinese birthname is nigh-unto-unpronouncable) but they retained her first name as her middle name, which I thought was a great way to go about it.
    Baby Sequoia Orion coming any day now!
    Other favorites: Cytheria, Arcadia, Seraphina, Caspian, Gideon

  3. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    819
    OH and I want to adopt a child or a sibling group of two at some point in the future (8-10 years from now). We had a conversation on our preferences last night.
    I would love to adopt a little boy from South America somewhere between a newborn and 6 years old. OH wants to adopt a child (gender is a non-issue to him unless we have 2 of the same, then he wants opposite) of African, Asian or some kind of mixed descent between the ages of 3 and 6 out of the US foster care system.
    I wouldn't fill out the hair or eye color portion. I'm not going to count myself out of parenting a child that needs one because their coloring doesn't match mine. This has been a big concern for me as some of my family (mom and paternal grandparents) have issues with "color". My newest conclusion is if they don't like it or can't follow my guidelines then show them the door.

    Names, if they're misspelled I would let them go unless the child wants to change it or too young to know that a spelling was changed. So your son will forever say I'm Mycheal, with a "y". But I'd rather let him have the name his birth parents gave him.
    In international adoption if it will be a pronunciation/serious spelling problem I would make it their middle name and give them an "American" first name. Again, their preference should be taken into account.
    If I had a baby right now they'd be:
    Isaac
    or
    Blaire

  4. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    2,142
    Quote Originally Posted by sodallas3 View Post
    If you adopted a child, would you ever consider changing their first name? Just curious because I have seen people mention that they've done so when adopting from overseas. However, others think its cruel, like they are losing their heritage. But as Berries would you consider it if the child was quite young and their name didn't go with your existing children's names?
    The ONLY scenario in which it isn't unforgivably selfish and damaging to change a child's name is if their safety is at risk. Otherwise there is absolutely no good excuse for taking away the one thing that is truly theirs, which often is also their only remaining connection to their first family and heritage.

    Quote Originally Posted by sodallas3 View Post
    Some adoptions allow you to pick the age, gender, eye and hair colour of the child you are adopting. If you were completing a referral document would you fill out all these categories or do you think you would feel a bit weird about doing it? Like you were "pre-ordering a child," as some people put it.
    I think you're thinking of adoption as it was during the Baby Scoop Era, not adoption as it is now. The supply and demand equation in adoption is firmly tipped to the side of demand: there are far fewer adoptable infants than there are parents who want to adopt. The vast majority of children who actually need to be adopted are older, part of a sibling group, or have special needs...and these are also the children most adopters refuse to consider, instead opting to wait years and years to be "chosen" by a "birth mother" (which is another ethical sandpit -- check out the First Mother Forum for more information). Anyone who's willing to request a child by eye and hair color (which I very much doubt actually happens anymore), as though they were ordering a doll, does not deserve to be a parent. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by sodallas3 View Post
    By the way, this questions are merely an interest in general opinion, as I hope to adopt at least one child from Europe in the distant future.
    There are very few "European" countries open to international adoption. I can only think of a handful, all in Eastern Europe and almost all with programs that restrict IA to older or special needs children. Just hoping you've done your research...

    Matilda Sailor or Faye Matilda | Sylvie Winifred or Simon Atlas | Atlas Dov or Alice Violetta | Lucien Wilde or Lucinda Jane | Jane Lucinda or Jack Mariner | Marlowe Charles or Roscoe Thomas | Charles ' Charlie' Wallace or Marigold 'Maggie' Wynn | Eloise Lily or Elliot Darwin | Iris Cordelia or Thea Marina | Jasper Augustus or Juniper 'June' Lovelace | Julian Felix or Judah 'Jude' Reeve

    Just a grad student dreaming ahead...

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    South Australia
    Posts
    1,013
    Quote Originally Posted by augusta_lee View Post
    The ONLY scenario in which it isn't unforgivably selfish and damaging to change a child's name is if their safety is at risk. Otherwise there is absolutely no good excuse for taking away the one thing that is truly theirs, which often is also their only remaining connection to their first family and heritage.



    I think you're thinking of adoption as it was during the Baby Scoop Era, not adoption as it is now. The supply and demand equation in adoption is firmly tipped to the side of demand: there are far fewer adoptable infants than there are parents who want to adopt. The vast majority of children who actually need to be adopted are older, part of a sibling group, or have special needs...and these are also the children most adopters refuse to consider, instead opting to wait years and years to be "chosen" by a "birth mother" (which is another ethical sandpit -- check out the First Mother Forum for more information). Anyone who's willing to request a child by eye and hair color (which I very much doubt actually happens anymore), as though they were ordering a doll, does not deserve to be a parent. Period.



    There are very few "European" countries open to international adoption. I can only think of a handful, all in Eastern Europe and almost all with programs that restrict IA to older or special needs children. Just hoping you've done your research...

    I wasn't thinking about that at all. I've read countless threads where people state they had the option to chose how their child looked. It is a common option when adopting from Europe. However, I don't know what goes on Asia or the other countries. I am well aware of how children are adopted, children are available from Latvia, Poland, Hungary, Estonia, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Serbia, Czech Republic, Russia (Unfortunately not for US citizens, but I am Australian) and up until recently, Romania. Bulgaria is open to children being adopted from age 3 and older; but there is still the opportunity to adopt a healthy baby, its just much rarer. Some orphanages often specialize in certain age groups and people often are given the option to choose their own form of arrangement.
    http://childrenshouseinternational.com/bulgaria/


    I am unsure whether this little girl, Helen is completely healthy, but I saw her story on Youtube:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thd2DTOm7KU


    Most of these children are of Roma, Gypsy or Turkish decent. They make up the majority of the orphan population there. There are so many children both with minor correctable health problems and long term health problems. I am very aware of the situation. Plus I am considering adopting a sibling group, it just depends on what happens in the future.

    http://www.rainbowkids.com/countries...nes.aspx?id=60

    The option is still on the form according to posters who have adopted from Bulgaria in the last few years. Some organisations often refer children in regards to the family photo you must provide. Bulgaria is also somewhere I am considering since they have no restriction on families who already have children. And I would like to have biological children as well.

    The question about the referral was merely a general question. I felt the same about it. It just seems like a way to tailor your ideal child, rather feel grateful for the beautiful child you've been referred. Ultimately, my reasons are to provide support and love to a child, and that is the main aim.
    Last edited by sodallas3; April 17th, 2013 at 03:05 AM.

    'Jess' Jessica Emily Faith
    Living down under...
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    Elsa: Mystical, magical, completely unique, baffling and all her own

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    Other considerations
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