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April 12th, 2013 06:13 PM #1Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
So my Husband and I have a little bit of a tricky situation. We are not pregnant so it's not of immediate importance but we are trying and have been talking about this for a while!
When/if we have a first born son, his family is expecting us to give him the middle name Lavern. It's been a family tradition that we've only been able to trace it back to his great grandfather. Here is the catch, (and I'm going to try to explain the very best I can!) it's supposed to be handed down to the first born son, but you don't have to be a first born son yourself. So I'll try an example. Two brothers are supposed to give the middle name Lavern to each of their firstborn sons. It doesn't matter that the second son was the second born, he is still to give the middle name to his first son. Confused?? If so I apologize. Anyway, my husband feels like it's not that big of a deal considering it's not a line of just firsts. If it was the first born gives his middle name to his first born, and so on, it would be a different story. Plus, there are family members that have already broken this tradition. So, here is our problem. My husbands father expects us to give our son the name Lavern. So not only is it a girls name (my husband hates it and has been given a hard time for it most of his life), it's not a true line of first borns, has already been broken more than once, and can only be traced back to his great grandfather. Another thing is my husband is a junior. So he has the same name as his father (the child's grandfather). So if we wanted to name the our son after my husband, we can't! Because he has the same name of his father and we really would not like to use the name Lavern.
So I guess what I'm asking is, do you have any suggestions? Should we just make the kid grin and bear it!? My husbands first name is two names, John Luke, so could we do initials like JL as middle name or is that too weird? My husband also suggested that we use the second name in his first (Luke) as a middle name. I didn't know about that since his name isn't Luke, it's John Luke. We love my fathers first name Michael and it goes so well with some of the boy names we have picked out, but we fear that it would not be a good idea to name our first born after my side of the family based on the whole "tradition."
So so sorry this has been so long. If you are speechless and don't know what to say I completely understand. We are just at a loss of what to do right now! Like I said, we have time, so maybe things will work itself out! Thanks for your time in reading this and so sorry if I confused you!!
Last edited by allimeg; April 12th, 2013 at 06:19 PM.
April 12th, 2013 06:28 PM #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Midwestern United States
Maybe you'll have only girls!
Well, if you aren't that lucky, I don't see a problem with giving your son the middle name Luke after his father. My mother's name is Judith. I might middle-name my son Jude after her. It doesn't have to be his whole name "John Luke".
You could do two middle names if you want and your son would be <first name> Michael Luke <last name>. Or, you could just give your son the middle name Michael since you and your husband both like it. Then you could middle name the next son Luke OR if you have a daughter give her the middle name Lucia or Lucy to honor her father's first name.
April 12th, 2013 06:46 PM #5
First, off, I wouldn't have any real freak outs about this until you're pregnant (and even after you know you'll have a boy). No reason to stress yourself out over something that might never even be a real problem.
Second, if you do get pregnant with a boy and definitely don't want to use Lavern, I'd discuss it with his father (or have your husband discuss it with him--depending on dynamics) and explain the reasons you'd rather not use it (respectfully and understanding his love for it). He might surprise you and be chill about it. He might be upset but respect your decision. But don't let yourself be bullied into naming your child something you don't like.
Third, if it is an issue. If he is upset by it and not so chill. Then I would avoid using your father's name (at least for your first), because it would seem like rubbing salt in the wound to not only ignore his tradition but to then use a name from your family.
Fourth, personally I feel like using Luke would definitely honor your husband (not least because he says he likes it!). I understand your being more traditional and feeling like it's not his whole name, but I think it would be a nod to his family to use a name they chose and a modern twist on honoring.
All that to say, use Luke, don't use Lavern, don't use Michael (at least for the first).Livy/Lucy : Geneva/Gwen : Coralie/Alice : Noelle/Eve
Eli/Bennett : Jude/Zane: Luke/Leo : Levi/Phineas
April 12th, 2013 07:06 PM #7Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
Thanks so much for both of your replies! It has helped me out a lot. I think I am leaning towards using the second name of my husbands first name as you both have said you think that would be ok. I like it a lot better than the Lavern and you are right that it's still honoring his side. I would hope that people couldn't get too upset over that.
Wonderful advise in everything from both of you. Thanks so much!