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March 24th, 2013 10:02 PM #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
The plan was never to have her in our bed forever. That would get complicated (or creepy as seen in the aforementioned Away We Go). It's just while she's so little she wakes up every other hour needing to feed. And we're only doing breastfeeding, no bottles yet (the breastpump completely freaks me out!), so Boyfriend can't take turns with me. So it would be more comfortable only reaching out for her. This far it's gone well, but for tonight she's back in her basket sleeping with me hovering over her making sure she's ok and warm.[FONT=Palatino Linotype][CENTER]My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014[/CENTER][/FONT]
March 24th, 2013 11:52 PM #28Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
As I type this, I am sandwiched in my bed between my 4 yr old and 1 year old í ½í¸‰. We have co-slept with them both just about from the beginning. I had a pack n play set up next to the bed when they were tiny and they occasionally slept in that but by about 3 months they were full time in our bed. I have to emphasize SAFE co-sleeping. Essentially they have their own space, a tight fitted sheet, nothing fluffy and sleep between mom and tight-fitted bedrail/wall. And of course, no alcohol or substances for mom. There's lots of info on safe cosleeping available, just google.
At 2 years we transitioned the older one to her own room slowly and she always starts there at night now but she's free to join us at any point in the night. Usually she does at some point but not always and I see how she will eventually feel the need for her own space... In her own time. I loosely practice attachment parenting and find it incredibly instinctual. With my first I didn't even know it existed but when I started researching things like cosleeping, realized there was a whole community of people that did things similarly to me!
Personally I second kate_bevs thoughts that western culture has created this whole need to keep children separate from adults for sleep. It's completely counter intuitive to me to take a baby from the womb and place it in a crib for its sleeping hours, which essentially adds up to well over 50% of the time in those early months. Talk about shocking. I like dr. Sears as well and though he can be a little unrealistic I find good snippets of info that I incorporate. For the record I feel the same about the American academy of pediatrics. There is some good info and its a reliable resource but its generated for the masses and for the good of the whole. I feel my babies should have individualized decisions made for them based on their needs, personalities and preferences as well as the limits or opinions of DH and I.
We are currently ttc #3 and I will look into options based on the status of my other kids cosleeping habits at that time. The open cosleeper like you ordered may be a good option for us if we have 2 other little monkeys rolling around our bed still. But I will not have an infant farther from me than right next to my bed and within arms reach, it's goes against every fiber of my mommy being í ½í¸‰.
Please let us know what you think of your cosleeper when you get it! Good luck and enjoy that precious baby girl!
Last edited by vitamom3; March 24th, 2013 at 11:56 PM.
March 25th, 2013 12:00 AM #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I love the Arms Reach Co-sleeper. We had one when #2 was a baby and sold it because we moved. Then we got another one for A&F. Their combined weight outgrew it pretty quickly (30 pounds total I think it was) so we wound up with one there and one between us and as they got older, we put the crib next to my side of the bed. We have the same set-up this time with L&C. They are currently sharing the co-sleeper on my side of the bed. I bring them to me to nurse and then they go back to their cosleeper. When they get older (6+ months), I generally put them between us in bed because they can nurse with me lying down at that point and we like the snuggles!
As far as transitioning from cosleeping to their own bedroom...our experience has varied, but never been a problem. With #1, we didn't start cosleeping until she was a few months old (I embraced the AP-parenting style at that point and I still do, but I don't like using labels haha) From that point, I mentioned in another thread (I think) that I nursed her through my pregnancy with Penny and then tandem nursed for 9 months. Both girls were in our bed. We lived in a small 2 br apartment and sometimes had a family friend (a child) staying in the 2nd room. So cosleeping worked logistically for us. we both really enjoyed it. When our oldest weaned (she was a month shy of her 3rd birthday), we made "sleeping in a big girl bed" part of that process and it was a great milestone for her to choose. Our little one (9 months at the time) stayed in our bed. She moved to her own bed seamlessly when we moved to another home and she got her own room. She was around 2 1/2.
A&F slept with us until they were 15 months. It was much earlier than I thought we'd transition them out of our room, but it worked out for them and just felt like the right timing. I believe in taking cues from your child(ren) when appropriate and not having a blanket one size fits all approach. So for them, it was time to go to their room. I've never had trouble moving kids to their own room/bed. I wouldn't wait TOO long to do this, but I think as parents you have to set the tone and rules. If this is what needs to be done (them leaving the co-bed), and it does need to bed done, then you need to be firm about that. AP is not about being a doormat or martyr as much as the main-stream media wants you to belive that.
While I agree with blade that saying "well my children didn't die" is definitely not enough to mean that it is safe, there are benefits to it for us. I've found that the cosleeper or a crib-sidecarred to our bed is best for the newborn stage. That is really the only time when I feel like I might be "too sleepy" to create any harm. I like having them near for bonding, but also ease. I hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night! Same reason I don't do bottles at night! Other than that, we are both comfortable having them directly in bed with us. I'm a light sleeper and we don't have a very high bed nor many pillows/blankets on it. I'm up alot nursing them and I never drink or smoke in bed that would cause excessive risk. There are alot of scary stories against co-sleeping, but there are scary stories about pretty much anything in life!Wife to one great guy
Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (12), Penelope (9), Alice (4), Fiona (4), Lucille (2) & Coraline (2)
& 4 angels gone before us: Christian (7 wks), Amos (6 wks), Naomi (16.5 wks), & Hosanna (6 wks)
~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~
March 25th, 2013 12:39 AM #32
I've never found anything Blade has had to say rude or intolerant. Obviously her comments come from a scientific, fact based, and well researched place... which I highly value. I also feel very similar towards attachment parenting and the like.
Anyway, @ottilie, sometimes I feel like "mother's intuition" shouldn't always be the deciding factor in this situation. It isn't like breastfeeding vs formula or crib vs bassinet. Co sleeping has been proven to be a risk factor in SIDS deaths. Personally, my thoughts are why would you risk it when there are such safer and just as comfy/convenient options. Rowan slept in a Rock and Play sleeper beside my bed until she was about 5 months old and then we transitioned her into a crib in our room. We put the crib in her own room across the hall from ours at 13 months. And I plan on doing the exact same thing whenever we have another baby. She sleeps 12+ hours with no interruptions at night and takes a regular nap every afternoon, and has been doing so since about 7 months old.
I've mentioned before, but I come from a pretty "crunchy," alternative upbringing and probably 90% of kids I know now and knew as a child breastfed until age 2 or older, co slept with their family, "worn" by their parents, etc. and I'm going to give you some sound advice... a good majority of those kids turned out emotionally or socially inept, awkward, violent or disruptive behavior, and some just downright strange. I knew a woman who's son had to fall asleep on her chest every single night until age 6 or so, and went on to have night terrors/wet the bed until about 12. People will tell you that co sleeping strengthens bonds or makes the child feel more secure, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. Children need to learn how to self soothe and become independent sleepers for their health. I don't mean to sound lecture-y, I've seen you are already interested in an Arms Reach... it's just a topic close to home for me.
Last edited by rowangreeneyes; March 25th, 2013 at 12:49 AM. Reason: spellingMy cherished daughter, Rowan Jane. ~b. 10/2011~
Sawyer ~ Aven ~ Elowen ~ Sage ~ Eilonwy ~ Eleanor
Morgan ~ Asher ~ ___ ~ ___ ~ Currently trying to fill the blanks...
Trying for #2 in January 2014.
March 25th, 2013 12:59 AM #34Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Actual bedsharing (infant on same bed/surface as parents) can be dangerous and is the arrangement most closely tied to adverse outcomes for various reasons. However, cosleeping can mean separate-but-close surfaces, like a cosleeper attachment or a bedside bassinet. You can move the baby next to a crib in your room and then a crib in a separate room without much drama as long as you do it gradually. (My nearly-completed dissertation is on infant sleep hygiene and incorporates a lot of recent research on SIDS factors as well as cultural preferences for family sleep arrangements -- I get nerdy about this topic, lol.)
Last edited by catreynolds; March 25th, 2013 at 01:03 AM.