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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    15

    Hi, There! New to Nameberry. Need Advice.

    Hi, my name is Vi Aure. I signed up for nameberry today, but I've been watching the forums for a while now. I love names and their histories and meanings. I didn't know where to post this. I apologize if it's in the wrong place.

    I'm rather young. 18. I need advice on something. I've been engaged for a while now. Planning to get married this summer on my 19th birthday. My fiance, soon-to-be husband, is older and would like to start a family as soon as possible. He grew up with sisters and wants to have a large family. I'm almost finished with my degree in economics and plan on attending law school. I live in the US and he lives in the UK. I'll be moving over there in the summer. He's rather financially stable and settled, which makes the idea of having children easier. We would be able to afford it financially. I'm just not sure if I'm emotionally ready. Is everyone this scared?

    Anyway,(sorry for that long introduction), he wants a family as soon as possible. I don't know when to try to conceive. I want to have a stable marriage and get settled before bringing a life into the world. I can't imagine being pregnant and being the protector/guider of a new fragile life.

    I don't know what I'm asking. I guess my question is when did you start having kids. What's a good time to try to conceive?

    Thank you in advance. I'm so happy to have finally joined such a supportive community as nameberry!

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    968
    That is a tough question to answer as it differs for each person, but I'll tell you what we did. We started trying when we had been married for 3 years. It took us over a year to conceive however, so we had our son just a few months before our 5 year anniversary. I think for most people I would recommend being married for at least a year before having kids. Kids are hard on even the best marriages, and I think getting to know each other well before the baby is born is great. Of course, my grandmother got pregnant right after they got married (basically on their honeymoon), and they've been married for over 50 years. Sometimes I think it might be good to have a baby early in marriage, because then you are still madly in love with each other and less likely to get annoyed at every little thing. Obviously, no one can answer that question for you. It's about what you and your husband are ready for. Good news is, after you get pregnant, you have 9 months to get used to the idea ;-) Most of my friends started trying after about three years, so that seems to be a sweet spot for a lot of couples. Maybe that's just when the baby fever overpowers the spouse fever :-) Good luck with your decision and you upcoming marriage!
    Wife to Jordan.
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    and 2 fur babies: a male standard poodle named Shasta, and a female Australian shepherd named Scout.

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  3. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    15
    @whit32: Thank you for your reply! I think I want to wait a while. At very least a year.

    Tom wants to start trying to conceive pretty much on the honeymoon. I wouldn't say that he's pressuring me into it. He's not that kind of person. I want us both to be happy and I know that having children would make him happy. But then again, we do have the rest of our lives to have kids. He's concerned at being an "old father" as he's just turned 32. In comparison to me, he's old but with age comes wisdom and that can only help us. I do worry about the age difference. 13 years. But I think we'll be fine. I can't imagine being without him. I guess I might be kind of forced into marriage, because I want to go law school in the UK because I want to practice there and to be closer to him. His family, and himself at times, can be rather old fashioned and prefer that we get married. Not to say that I don't want to. I just... don't know.

    I'm sorry. I feel like I'm rambling and I don't know where I'm headed. But thank you for your advice. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this. My own mother conceived my oldest brother on their honeymoon, so she has trouble relating to my worries.

    Thanks.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    4,515
    You're 18, have "been engaged for a while now" [and presumably dating before then] to a 32 year old. That's statutory rape, aspiring lawyer.

    You're graduating from college this summer? At 19?

    And I'm sure you know that "law school" in the UK is an undergraduate degree.

    Bzzzzz Try again with a better cover story!
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  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,593
    You're only eighteen and have already been "engaged for a while"? And your fiance is 32? And you're planning on moving to the other side of the planet to be with him while you're still a teenager? If I were you, I'd have some more significant questions to ask myself than just when it's a good time to have children.
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