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  1. #96
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    1,823
    Quote Originally Posted by mclola View Post
    I am not gender neutral in what I call my kids (my daughter is a girl and my son is a boy), but I am gender neutral in what I let them do and play with and dress.
    my daughter hates to wear dresses, but loves to play with make-up. She hates if her hair get past her chin, it is actually in a pixie cut right now. She prefers to play with her dolls, but also likes to toss the ball around with her dad and brother. She also loves climbing trees and collecting rocks.
    My son has worn his hair long and short. It is short right now, but he recently said he wants to grow it long again. My son does prefer trucks and building things and dirt (just cleaned out his toy box and the bottom was full of sand, sigh), but he also likes to play dress up and if I am putting make-up on his sister he wants some too and gets it.
    this is pretty much how I see things
    Anastasia, Tessa, Marina, Stella
    Connor, Rhett, Corbin, Grayson

  2. #98
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    England
    Posts
    978
    http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/1..._childs_gender
    Hearts were in the right place, but too far?

    GIRLS: Carlotta Miriam BenedikteMarguerite Airlie SusannahElisabet Ruth Frederica

    Car Baby Tuppence Zosia Mabel---------------------------------------------Recent Fancies: Hamish Idris February & Vivian Tamsin Blythe

  3. #100
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    125
    Quote Originally Posted by ciottolo View Post
    http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/1..._childs_gender
    Hearts were in the right place, but too far?
    I do think this was taken too far. I think children should be given options, such as girl toys AND boy toys AND neutral toys, and not forced to play with only one type. I think they should have some say with choosing their clothes and their hairstyles, what activities they want to participate in, etc. Erasing all aspects of gender is going too far because, as this child is quickly going to find out, genders DO exist. They are a part of life.
    "Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few books should be chewed and digested thoroughly."

  4. #102
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    490
    I don't want to start responding individually to opinions and arguments in this thread, I think many good points have been made and a few points which I would question, but I wanted to jump in and say how I'm planning on approaching gender stereotypes with my child.

    I will raise my child as the gender which corresponds to the sex they are born with. This means if they are a boy, I will use boy pronouns. I will put them in boy clothes. If they are a girl, I will use girl pronouns. They will wear pink and dresses. If they are a boy, I will buy them boy toys. I will also buy them a play kitchen. I will buy them baby dolls. Because many of the successful, masculine adult men I know take care of their babies, and cook. And the ones who don't probably wish they could so they didn't have to eat takeout 6 nights a week. If I have a daughter, I will buy her cars. I drive a car. Her grandmother drives a car. All of her aunts, female teachers, etc. will drive cars.

    If my son, at three years old, wants a pink teddy bear, I will buy him a pink teddy bear. And if he wants to wear a dress, he can wear a dress. I will explain to him that usually, women wear dresses/paint their nails/use cosmetics, but he is welcome to use these things at appropriate times for pretend play or dress up. In my opinion, appropriate times would be at home - maybe even at family events or close friend's houses, but at that age, not at school or in public.

    When my child is old enough to understand and discuss cultural stereotypes as well as cisgendered norms, and old enough to comprehend the reality and repercussions that a transgendered person, queer person, or even just a publicly cross-dressing person faces, if they'd like to be posing as the opposite gender, wearing the opposite gender's clothes, referring to their self as "he" or "she" in a way we did not refer to them growing up, I will support that. Whether that happens at 7, or 15, or 30. But to me, that is 100% a different conversation. Allowing your toddler or young child to enjoy activities typically reserved for the opposite gender is not going to make them gay or transgendered or even "sissy". And preventing your child from doing these things sure as heck isn't going to guarantee they come out molded nicely into the stereotypes of the gender you want them to be.

    ~I will teach my children what the societal norms expected of different genders are. I will teach them what society largely expects of a "proper lady" or a "strong man".
    ~I will also teach them that many wonderful individuals do not fit into these guidelines, and at some point, they might decide they are one of those individuals.
    ~I will teach them that I will support them in whatever career, clothing, identify, sexual orientation, etc. they so choose.
    ~I will teach both my sons and my daughters to be nurturing, empathetic, and self-sufficient in a home setting.
    ~I will teach both my sons and daughters to be courageous and the skills they need to provide for themselves and their future families.

    The rest is going to be up to them.

  5. #104
    My husband and I promised each other before we started TTC the first time that we were not going to enforce gender stereotypes like that. So far, Bea has proven to be very feminine, though.

    I completely understand what kala_way means about parents who are overzealous about raising "gender-neutral" kids. Ultimately, it's whatever your child wants to do. Don't force your son into playing soccer when he wants to take dance class, but don't do that to your daughter either. If kids happen to not fit in (or fit in) with gender stereotypes, that's fine, but don't force them to be one way or the other.
    ♥ DD ~ Beatrice Rowan 17.05.2010 ♥
    ♥ ??? ~ 27.01.2014♥


    * Amelie ~ Elizabeth ~ Sophie ~ Rose ~ London ~ Adeline ~ Mireille ~ Eve ~ Ruby ~ Violet ~ Isabelle *

    * Bennett ~ Gavin ~ James ~ Charles ~ Grey ~ Matthew ~ Luke ~ Rory ~ Lysander *

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