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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    897

    Glum Christmas - TTC Difficulty

    Hi all,

    We had a great Christmas, but I find myself feeling withdrawn and generally sad. We've been TTC for almost 2 years and no luck. It's starting to look like endometriosis might be the culprit - a possibility we are just now beginning to explore. I had such a great time playing with all my nieces and nephews the last few days, but I also felt a deep sadness. It got to the point where I just needed to get out of there ASAP to avoid getting emotional in front of everyone. Just watching those sweet babies and wishing for one of my own....

    I don't want to be THAT person. The one that seems selfish and weird because she's having personal problems. I just want to have a good time and enjoy everyone's company. But it was really tough this year. My husband sympathizes, but doesn't really feel the same way.

    Has anyone else who had difficulty TTC felt this way? I'm sure I'm not alone, but I don't have anyone else in my life who's had these issues and can relate. I'd love to hear about your own experiences.

    Thank you for listening and letting me vent!
    One Beloved Son - Raphael David
    Saved for Later:
    Rosemary, Susannah, Loretta, Georgia, Theodora
    Viggo, Thaddeus, Woodrow, Laszlo

  2. #3
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,809
    I can't say I've had your experience, and when I hear how long you've been TTC, I feel a little guilty about how sad I felt this Christmas. My husband and I have only been TTC since September, so we've gone through four unsuccessful cycles. My little sister is pregnant (at nineteen and still living at home with my parents), which is tough for me to watch. This month AF was due on Christmas day, and I had been debating whether I would have the guts to test on Christmas morning, knowing that I would either have an amazing surprise to give my husband for Christmas, or I would get a huge disappointment that could dampen the holiday. Well AF decided to come on Christmas Eve instead, saving me the disappointment on Christmas day, but bringing plenty of cramps and sadness just the same. Didn't help Skyping with relatives who asked, in front of my entire family, if I had any big announcements to make, because apparently they are all expecting it. I don't know how it must feel for you to have tried for two years with no success, but I can relate to the feelings of longing. I cry every month that we are unsuccessful. I also tend to dream about babies at night--not every night, but often enough to make it hurt worse. I have a one-track mind and basically it's all I think about! I'm not depressed, and I'm actually very happy with life, but the wait for a baby is a very, very sensitive and emotional topic for me too, and we've only been TTC for a fraction of the time that you have been. I hope you get your own little one in the New Year!

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    4,284
    Tintri, I have not been in your shoes but think what you're describing sounds completely reasonable and normal. I just wanted to ask, after 2 years have you sought a medical evaluation yet?

    Personally I received wonderful Christmas news-- after 6 years of infertility, my sister officially made it on the wait list for a Chinese adoption. Fertility is so seldom what you want it to be-- my sister and her husband. Have had all their ducks in a row for years, and would make spectacular parents, but can't get pregnant. Whereas I had Antoine way too soon, unplanned, which resulted in terrible difficulties for us.
    Blade, MD

    XY: Antoine Raphael (3.1.2012)
    XX: Cassia Viviane Noor (11.30.2013)

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA
    Posts
    26
    I'm right there with you - we thought this would be our baby girl's 1st Christmas. Instead, I have cried every day this holiday season and we have had no luck TTC (since July). I've been charting my bbt and have noticed some issues, so we'll be going to a fertility specialist in January. The holidays are heart breaking for a lot of us... having to see all those babies in "My 1st Christmas" outfits, seeing all the holiday pregnancy announcements, etc. It gets to be too much at times. Know you're not alone. I wish you a wonderful 2013 with a new addition to your family.
    Jacqueline Renée

    Mommy to Ethan Thomas Sebastian (3.12.02), Bianca Felicity (10.18.03), Phoebe Valentine (10.21.13),
    and our daughter in heaven, Ivy Electra (stillborn at 40 weeks on 3.13.12)

  5. #9
    I registered for the forum just to reply to this post! (I'm a lurker most of the time.)

    No, you are NOT alone. I felt the same way you do for years. It took us four years, three reproductive endocrinologists, a surgery, 3 IUIs, and an IVF to get pregnant. (I'm 16 weeks now.) And through all of that time, my sisters-in-law, my cousins, my friends, all had baby after baby, and while I tried not to be Princess Bringdown all the time, it was hard. Particularly since it's so difficult to find anyone who's willing to talk about infertility, despite how common it is.

    Infertility is such a painful thing, and for me, I don't know if I could have made it through the worst times without online community. If that sort of thing sounds appealing to you, and if you don't mind advice from a complete stranger, I would suggest starting here: http://www.stirrup-queens.com/a-whol...ted-and-filed/

    Anyway, I just wanted to say, again, that you're NOT alone.

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