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Thread: The LAST Name

  1. #91
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    USA
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    3,169
    Quote Originally Posted by thatkathryngirl View Post
    I think it's silly for someone to say that my identity is based on who I'm married to because I changed my name. How is that any different or worse than your identity being based on who your father is? My husband IS part of my identity. I'm a wife, HIS wife. I'm a mother, the mother of a child HE helped me create. That's definitely a part of my identity. I have no problem with that. But, it's not my whole identity. The "me-ness" of me is who I am and who I would be even without a name. My name is only my public identity, not the whole of who I am.
    Nicely put I agree with this, if your identity is based on a name, then there really isn't much to you is there? You're more than just a name
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  2. #93
    I'm planning on changing my last name when I get married. I can see why some women choose to keep their maiden name, but I'm not especially attached to mine, but I am pretty attached to the idea of my family feeling.. together? I would feel odd if I was the only one who didn't have my husband's name. I'm pretty traditional though, and as I've said, I can understand why other ladies choose differently. Some of my friends have married guys with really odd last names that have made me think "I'd be keeping my maiden name..." It's kind of common in my family to give your maiden name to your first child when it works (Jackson, Parker, etc.) My maiden name is Owens, so I had always planned to name my first boy Owen, but it's getting so popular now...

    As a side note, I have some friends who are extremely outspoken about how women shouldn't 'give away' their last name, how it is subservient and shows mindless commitment to the man, that kind of stuff. It makes me crazy! If you want to keep your name, that's totally fine with me, but if I want to take my husband's, I'll take it, and it isn't demeaning to womenhood!

  3. #95
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    392
    I loved my maiden name. I love it more now. But I took my husband's last name 9 years ago. It was important to him and his super conservative family, and it united us together. that being said, my Mom desperately wanted me to hyphenate. My husband's name is like #3 or 4 most popular last name on the planet. My maiden name was easy to spell and pronounce and not common. But I couldn't see the point in hyphenating when I didn't have have anything holding me to my maiden name. And it's funny now, I use my maiden name in the middle for lots of things: Social Media, positions held, etc.

    One of my friends has been married for 12 years. And he took her name. His last name was "Dick" and he was ridiculed his entire life, and he didn't want that for his children. So he took her name.
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  4. #97
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    260
    I took my husband's name despite the fact that it didn't sound nearly as good with my first name as my maiden name had. I felt that it would make the marriage official and although I respect others decisions to keep their own maiden names, I am glad I changed mine.

    When our baby is born, it makes it easier to decide what his or her surname will be because we will all have the same one.

  5. #99
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,600
    Quote Originally Posted by ottilie View Post
    Sarah, based on what you say up there, I'd keep my name. His reasons are horrible! And condescending as you said. I'd keep it just to spite him. But I'm mean. My sister, who's a teacher, didn't change her name when she got married by the way. I also agree with you about the family thing, it's like in the old times when married women lived with their in laws, and thus became a part of their family. Not like that anymore! Anyway, can't he take yours if the family unity is so important?

    As for me, I'm back and forth at the moment. It would be nice to share the name with my daughter, but I'm a little wary (not to be too pessimistic, but what if I change it, get divorced and either keep his name, or change it back? I'd feel stupid...).
    Quick update: I haven't changed my name! Funny stumbling back across this thread and reading my response from several months ago! I've since decided to keep my birth name and that's that. My husband is still annoyed, but whatever
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